Wednesday, April 30, 2008

April

  • exilim

    So I got a digital camera back in December specifically so I could use it in Europe. Unfortunately, I left my camera on the plane that was flying into New York from Spain. I filed for it and everything, but it's gone. All my pictures, all my videos. (So if you have pics from the trip, help a sista out)
    Last Saturday my grandmother and I figured that since we had time before my hair appointment, we'd go into Sears and check out the cameras. Turns out they don't sell the Exilim I wanted anymore, so they sold me the floor model for a smidge over $100. Pretty good deal if you ask me. They didn't have any of the cables or software to give me, but I figured that'd be okay since I already had Exilim stuff from my last camera. Unfortunately, I guess the Exilim I previously had was a different version from my new one. The charger works, but the USB cable doesn't fit. So that means I can't upload my prom pics straight from my camera. I have to go to Walgreens and do the whole card thing. Sucks huh?

  • Go ahead. Ask him about power-c vitamin water.

    Anyway. I gave up on the convos. They weren't going to happen. Nothing really happened the way it should've today, but that's okay.
    Everything will be okay. Each day will get gradually better until 2 of the 3 major problems in my life are gone. One will be gone tomorrow, the other, after finals on Friday. Then I can totally relax and just focus ..ing school strong.
    I overreacted. But I know I'm okay.

    Those convos weren't had again.
  • I don't think they're going to be. I'm too big of a chicken.
    Besides, one of them doesn't even deserve the time of day anymore. They messed up.

    But I am still scared shitless.
    Everything will work out.
    It has to.


  • Those convos weren't had. I couldn't do one, and I chickened out of the other.

    I can't believe how many times I've fucked up this year. It's incredible. I don't think. And when I do, I over analyze things. I can't get anything right.
    I have so many good things going for me, and then a little slip turns into a huge one. When will I learn? When will things get better?

    • deep

      convos tomorrow.
      I hate having them. I feel terribly vulnerable. One shouldn't be too bad though. It's more of an angry convo than a deep one. But it needs to be had.
      I need to set things straight with a few people.


    • was kind of a waste. As was this whole weekend.


    • It was at a really nice venue.
      Everyone, except a few lol, looked really good.
      I thought I looked great.
      The food was good.
      Roman called.
      Rebecca won Prom Queen

      But I just had a really really bad time.
      It was a waste of time and money.
      I'm not even sure I'm glad I went.
      Frankly, I'd really like to not talk about it again.


    • was fine I guess.
      Rehearsal went well.
      Shopping went well.
      I was told I had the "Hollister look" and that I should apply lol.
      The concert went well. However, I didnt' see 2 faces I was hoping to see, even though they said they'd come.
      Dinner was awkward.
      And now I'm home, dreading what is to become of tomorrow.
      I hope I have an okay time. It'd be a shame to spend all that time and money for nothing. I just wish things could've went extremely different.

      • list 20

        I will be civil with Nathan.
        Nathan will be civil with me.
        I will catch up quickly in my classes.
        My mother will be financially stable.
        I will do well on my senior project.
        I will get good grades this last semester.
        I will pass both AP tests.
        I will be in great physical and mental shape by the time I graduate.
        I will find my prince charming.
        I will have a wonderful time at prom.
        I will get my license soon.
        Rebecca and I will have a lasting friendship.


      • That's a word that Cal's Varsity Girls don't know.
        Undefeated League Champs baby!
        Too bad for the rest of the team though =/


      • I'd like to keep it up, but I can't. It doesn't work anymore.
        But there's only 39 more days of school left, so I think I can hold out a bit longer. Or maybe try a different version.

        And I don't think all will be well by Friday. It's still weird with us and I wish it weren't. Us not talking is like Spongebob with no Patrick. It just doesn't happen. And when it does, they make up within 15 minutes.


      • Senior year has been the worst of the 4 high school years.
        I cannot wait to leave Cal Hi behind... but for sure I'm coming back to support the football team and the band.
        I feel bad for everything I did and gave a heart-felt apology. It was a simple sorry, but it meant something to me. I could've gone off, but I chose not to. Whether they choose to accept that apology is their business.
        I should apologize to one other person. I don't know exactly why, I just feel the need to.
        And I apologized multiple times to one other person in hopes that things would snap back to normal, but I believe it will continue to feel weird and strained between... which makes no sense at all considering our history.

        I seriously believe that it would be most beneficial to each of us if we stopped talking to each other. The regular school intteraction is fine, but all this texting and outside communication needs to stop. It's causing me much unneeded strain.

        Prom is going to be a waste of time. I'm going stag. I don't know how I'm getting there. I don't even think my best friend is going. Some night to remember right? But I know I'll regret not going. As much as I don't want to go, I will suck it up and go.
        I felt the same way about Europe. I didn't want to go, but I ended up having a good time. However, I think my life would be in better shape right now had I stayed home.

        • 12

          Really?! 12?
          That's better than nothing right?
          I figured something different though. Whatev.


        • I don't know why a title would have more than 95 characters, but if it does, too bad. The max is 95.

          Senior year was supposed to be the culmination of all 3 years before. It was supposed to be the best. It was supposed to be the bomb, lived out to the fullest.
          Was it? No.

          Senior year has sucked so far. There's like two months left and I doubt anything can happen between now and graduation that will cancel out all of this suckiness.
          I've messed about... let's see... like 10 friendships up. That's not good.
          I've been single all year. That's okay, but considering I've gone out with like 6 guys this year and none have worked out, that's a little sad.
          I've had the worst luck with getting dates to dances. Derek was the one exception. He will forever be in the history book of best dates for sure.

          My last relationship was the best one I've ever had. Granted, it was short, but it was awesome. I want something ten times better than that.
          And my friendships, there's really only one that I would like to fix. And it will be fixed. Possibly by the end of the week. I hope by the end of the week.

          I just need to get out of high school. I just need to get away. I just need to start over. Clean slate.


        • I don't get it.
          I think it's a stupid song.


        • I liked it. It was pretty suspenseful with lots of twists and turns.
          And there were some previews of like 2 scary movies that look ultra creepy. The Strangers and Quarentine. Scary for sure. Like nightmare scary. Especially The Strangers. Yikes.

          • Woo!

            I have yet to get financial aid info from Pepperdine, but I got all that stuff from Whittier today. I'll pretty much be going to school for free if I go there.
            Let's just hope Pepperdine comes through and offers just as much or more.


          • I will be civil with Nathan.
            Nathan will be civil with me.
            I will catch up quickly in my classes.
            My mother will be financially stable.
            I will recieve enough $ from Pepperdine.
            I will do well on my senior project.
            I will get good grades this last semester.
            I will pass both AP tests.
            I will be in great physical and mental shape by the time I graduate.
            I will find my prince charming.
            I will have a wonderful time with my date at prom.
            I will get my license soon.
            Rebecca and I will have a lasting friendship.


          • I really really really want to go to Pepperdine, but I'm going to be super homesick.
            It's like an hour away, but still.
            No more good morning hugs from the pooch is going to kill me.


          • Are put in resealable bags for a reason.

            • raisin the roof

              That's what Rico looks like he's doing. It's cute I guess. He's asleep on my bed, next to my pillow. He's been sleeping with me a whole lot ever since I came home from Europe. I guess he missed me or somthing. Cute.
              Also...
              I don't like raisins. Never have. Even the green grape kind. I just don't care for them. I like a lot of other kinds of dried up fruit, but grapes just don't do it for me. I like grapes when they're regular grapes, especially magic Pepperdine grapes lol, but raisin aren't my cup of tea.
              I wonder if people put raisins in tea. That sounds weird, but it's probably possible.


            • I meant to say tall, I don't know why I said venti. I did finish it, so whatever.

              My date went well We saw Leatherheads. Not the best date movie, or best movie in general, but it did the job. I think there may be a second date. We'll see what happens.


            • We were supposed to go and play pool, go to the mall and movies, and have a bbq. Those were our plans. Those plans go thrown out the window Thursday. It's unfortunate, but everything happens for a reason.
              And when you think people are out of your life, they always make their way back at the funniest times.
              I have a date tonight with one of those people as a matter o fact and I am rather excited. Prom potential?


            • ... is such a wonderful song. I get goose bumps every time I hear it.

              So I went to Pepperdine again today and I still love it. It's beautiful and I think I would totally fit in. As soon as my financial aid info comes in from them and Whittier, I'll be able to make my decision.
              And dorming there seems pretty cool. I'll be living in an all girl freshman dorm with 49 other girls. There's 8 girls to a suite, 4 bedrooms in a suite, and 2 girls to each bedroom. Sounds like a little too much estrogen packed into a confined space, but it also sounds pretty cool and exciting.

              And then my dad and I went to go eat at Versailles. Delicious! I am still full!!

              So my day was pretty darn good. Nothing happened to bring me down

              • outlets

                So it seems that I have about two left.
                One was pretty much established today, which was perfect timing.
                The other is only around every so often.
                I've messed up all my other ties.
                And there's one in particular that I wish could be there for me, but isn't and won't be.

                So I messed up this year. One little slip turned into several, and those several grew out of control, affecting even more mishaps. Unfortunately many of those mishaps got blown out of control and context and ruined many of those before mentioned ties.

                I have not acted the way I should have acted, nor have I handled situations in the best way possible.

                Yesterday and today I have felt under extreme pressure and for some reason I haven't cracked. A few weeks ago, I probably would've.

                But I'm done defending myself. It just gets me in more trouble. Whatever happens happens, but I'm done. I'm laying low the rest of the year.

                No one can begin to comprehend the amount of relief I will feel as soon as I graduate. I can leave all this high school drama behind and go on to bigger and better things.

              • give me a break, with this heart ache, I doubt it will make it through till tomorrow. It's bogged down with sorrow and guilt and it's built on these stilts which wobble 5 feet and 6 inches high

                you ask me why i'm this way and all i can say is i've gone through my fair share of shit and you want all i've got so we'll give it a shot i just hope you don't regret it

                I'm unimpressed, think it's best if we give it a rest
                I'm so tired I can't stand for fear i will land on my ass, let time pass, this can't last, cause i'm just barely getting by

                you ask me why i'm this way and all i can say is i've got nothing to hide behind
                no excuses to confuse this
                guess everyone looses but it's better than living a lie

                you ask me why i'm this way and all i can say is i've gone through my fair share of shit and you want all 've got so we'll give it a shot i just bet you'll regret it

                (i wont change my mind, we've run out of time)

              • Is a pretty cool band.

                K, so my luck with boys will start looking up. It has to. Two guys bailing out on me for dates is too coincidental. Or maybe I always choose the jack-asses?
                I will have a date for prom, and he will be charming and handsome.
                It'll work out. It has to.

              • I will be civil with Nathan.
                Nathan will be civil with me.
                I will catch up quickly in my classes.
                My mother will be financially stable.
                I will recieve enough $ from Pepperdine.
                I will do well on my senior project.
                I will get good grades this last semester.
                I will pass both AP tests.
                I will be in great physical and mental shape by the time I graduate.
                I will find my prince charming.
                I will have a wonderful time with my date at prom.
                I will get my license soon.

                • lights, camera, action!

                  Oh the drama that has filled my senior year!

                  Unneccessary I would say.

                  But I suppose I attract it. Drama free’s the way to be, so I need to change my outlook a little bit. Instead of thinking no drama, I need to think positive. Thinking no drama still attracts drama.
                  All this petty high school stuff will be over soon. And all the juniors who don’t have a clue will be out of my life.


                • Senior ditch day.
                  Is there a freshman ditch day? No.
                  Sophomore? No.
                  Junior? No.
                  So today was a must.

                  It could’ve been so much better had I had my license by now and if I didn’t have track practice, but it was still better than being at school.
                  Senioritis fo shiz!
                  So I went to the g-unit’s this morning, watched CNN and ate cereal with my pop, chillaxed in front of the tube, showered, ate lunch, went prom dress shopping (which was quite successful , so all I need is a date and I’m golden), and then worked out with those lancer folk.

                  Overall, it was a nice day


                • I am so over Nathan’s bullshit!


                • 5.5 outta 7 schools ain’t too shabby.
                  Pepperdine- accepted
                  USC- denied
                  Chapman- accepted for spring, waiting list for fall
                  Whittier- accepted
                  SCU- accepted
                  CSULB- accepted
                  CSUF- accepted

                  So it’s in between Pepperdine and Whittier. I’m hoping I can play Whittier against Pepperdine so I can get what I want. If Whittier’s throwing me all this money to go there, Pepperdine should put up an equal or better fight. Hopefully that’s the case. Fingers crossed.

                  And prom’s looking up too. It looks like I’ll be going with my first choice if all goes well.

                  • cruise control

                    Sometimes I wish it was that easy. Like auto-pilot. Just know what you want to do, and then do it. Not even have to try.
                    That’s what I want right now. I want things to just happen. To just fall in my lap.
                    But that’s not how things work. I need to fight for what I want. I need to work for it.

                    My dad expects me to go do a full work out right now. It’s already 10:30. I am still feeling some jetlag and I’m still full from dinner. He can go run if he wants, but I’m not going anywhere.
                    Besides, he was making me feel like crap a minute ago, saying I’m not in good shape, and I’m not doing good, and that I shouldnt be listening to my coaches. Then he turns around and says he’s only saying this stuff to motivate me. Motivate me? Motivate me to do what? Punch him in the neck? Cuz that’s what I wanted to do. I don’t want to go work out, but he’ll be pissed if I tell him that. He just came in and was all, "Why aren’t you ready?"
                    No way can I go right now. I don’t want to.


                  • I didn’t get too much attitude from the lancers. A little, but not too much. And there were some cuties, so that’s always nice

                  • I got some letter from Who’s Who and they said I was nominated cuz I’m an outstanding student or whatever. So I filled out the application thing and I guess I’m going to be in a book or something. Idk.
                    But hopefully I’ll start getting word of scholarships and stuff, cuz I need money for school Especially if I’m planning on going to Pepperdine. I am so stoked that I got in. Just thinking of waking up in Malibu, on the coast, every day... it’s amazing. And I’ll be able to have a nice tan too lol. Not a sick sock tan from band camp lol.

                  • I will be civil with Nathan.
                    Nathan will be civil with me.
                    I will catch up quickly in my classes.
                    My mother will be financially stable.
                    I will recieve enough $ from Pepperdine.
                    I will do well on my senior project.
                    I will get good grades this last semester.
                    I will pass both AP tests.
                    I will be in great physical and mental shape by the time I graduate.
                    I will find my prince charming.
                    I will have a great time at prom in my beautiful dress and Daniel as my date.
                    I will get my license soon.

                    • putt putt

                      I am tired beyond belief.
                      I shouldn’t have went to school today.
                      But I’m glad I did. I’m glad I got to see my friends. I missed them.
                      And I’m glad I get to compete in the meet tomorrow... if there is one.
                      But I’m not going to school tomorrow. I can’t do it. I’ll die from exhaustion.

                    • Today was full of different emotions.
                      I was sad to be leaving Europe, but extremely happy to go home.
                      I was frustrated when our plane from Barcelona to New York got delayed like an hour.
                      I was pissed and sad when I realized I left my camera on the previous mentioned plane.
                      I was pissed and frustrated when we were stuck on the plane from New York to LA for 2 hours before take off.
                      I was happy to land at LAX.
                      I was kinda sad when I saw everyone else’s mom but mine.
                      I was happy to see my mom.
                      I was happy to see my pets.
                      I was overwhelmed when I found out that I got into Pepperdine.

                      Pepperdine- accepted
                      USC- denied
                      Chapman- MIA
                      Whittier- accepted (with lots of funding ;] )
                      SCU- MIA
                      CSULB- accepted
                      CSUF- accepted
Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)