PR

I don't like PR, but I think I know it well enough to do fine on my final tomorrow... err, today.

I should have been studying all day, but Katy and I just sat around.  Well, I sat around.  Katy packed.  I watched and got sad about it.  It wasn't until around 4 that we actually did stuff.  I took Katy down to the Post Office to mail a box of her stuff and then I cashed in all of my change at Ralphs.  To my surprise, I almost had $40 in change.  When we got back, we knew we had to study, but naps won.

We woke up, sat around for a while longer, and then went down to the caf for dinner.  Dinner wasn't all that great, but dessert was.  We brought down graham crackers, chocolate, and marshmallows to make s'mores in the fireplace at the caf.  It was obvious people knew what we were doing, but nobody bothered us, so it was all good.  We finally started studying when we got back.

I wasn't studying for long when Erin and Daniel asked if I wanted Mal Yo.  I didn't, but I did want to try to find a card at CVS, so I went with them.  No success.  But it was a fun a little outing.  And on the way back to Hayes I was able to get into Towers and see where our room is for next year.  It's a prime locale, that's for sure.

The night consisted of studying, the midnight scream, and more studying.  And now it's off to bed.

Fort

Yessir, Katy and I built a fort in our room.  Well, Katy built one.  I kind of just stood there and watched.  It's pretty darn cool though.  I bet everyone's jealous.

Since I gave up on my REL final last night, I had to do it all today.  I was not motivated at all, but I knew it had to get done, so I did it.  I finished my creative writing project by two, and then I kind of half-assed my final essay and was done by 3.  That was my goal, to be done by three.  I took a little break by watching Roommates, and then it was back to hittin the books.  I read through all of the outlines for the chapters we went over this second half of the semester for COM and then did that web outline thing, and then I remembered I needed a blue book.  I didn't really want to go down to the bookstore, but I figured I needed to and I could get food while I was down there since I hadn't eaten anything all day.  I came but and reviewed for a few minutes, but then I started getting a headache and just lied down for a while.  I never know if it's lied or laid.  Stupid English.  Anywho... Laura and I left at about 20 after since we both had finals up at the CCB at 7:30.

The final was more difficult than I expected, but I think I did fairly well.  The multiple choice section was the hardest part I think, but I did the best that I could.  The essays were different than I thought they would be, but I kicked ass on 2 of the three.  I totally bombed the middle essay, but I think I should end up with a B regardless.

Tonight was really fun.  I finished up with my final around 9, came back and surfed around for a bit, and then Katy and I made a Ralphs run to get supplies for our Rice Krispie Treats and S'mores.  When we got back Katy made the fort, we made the Rice Krispie Treats, and then everyone came and helped us eat them.  We almost finished them this time, but not quite.

Now Katy and I are chillin in our fort and Laura's trying to fall asleep on my bed.  It's finals week.

Ctrl

Laura and Erin are right.  It is ironic that I'm a COM major.  I clearly not the best communicator.  But that's why I want to be a COM major, so that I can learn to communicate.  Communication is good.

Today went really well.  It was productive, but it went well.  It's still going fairly well.

I woke up this morning and put on my new V-neck that I got in the mail today, so I knew today was going to be good.  Breakfast was a little bit of a let down, but I still got my full and had a nice little pre-game chat/cram sesh with Daniel, Erin, and Laura.  Sonia made the final sound really easy, but it wasn't.  It was simple enough, but there were still some things on the test that I had no clue about.  I think I did fine though.  I got A's on the previous tests, so as long as I get a high B on the final, I should still be sittin' pretty with my A.  

Katy was hungry when I got back, so she got ready and we headed out to LA to go get us some hotdogs from Pink's.  I can't remember the last time I had gone, but I do remember that it was delicious.  Katy scarfed hers down, she was really hungry, but I wasn't able to finish mine.  I had one big bite left, but I just couldn't do it.  It had lots of stuff on it, and I had eaten breakfast, so I'm blaming my inability to finish it on that.  Traffic was a tad bit of an issue coming back to school, but it was a fun little adventure nonetheless.  I don't know who I'm going to go on adventures with over the summer.  I don't even know if I'll have time for adventures over the summer.

We were both tired when we got back, so naps won over studying or working.  Unfortunately our naps were cut short by the new boy Julie has been playing with lately.  He's a creepy senior and she's 17.  No good.  And they're both singers, so they sing all the time, and Julie uses her fake giggly laugh, and it's no good.  No good at all.

I didn't start anything until 8, and then I finally busted out some of my essay for REL.  Keyword: some.  I have two more questions to answer and 10 Bible references to include.  AND... I still need to do the creative writing part.  That's going to take me the longest I think.  I think I'm going to do my COM analysis, finish my essay, and then do the project.  And I'm not sleeping until I'm done.  I don't have anything until 7:30 tomorrow, so I can afford to stay up.  I just need to study like crazy for COM all day tomorrow and I'll be fine.

I think it's funny how I can write so much on my blog, and quickly, but I can't just sit down to write a paper.  And when I do, it takes longer than it should.  It's probably because I actually want to be writing this, and I don't want to be writing my essay.

2 hours until the midnight scream, but I'm just not feeling it.  I really need to focus and get work done, but I can't seem to get enough will power to do it.  I know Katy will drag me outside to scream, but I don't want to.

**11:07

So I've done 1 paragraph for my COM analysis since I last posted.  I just cannot seem to focus lately.  I've thought about it before, like all last year and a few times last year, but maybe I should be taking Aderall.  I know there are many negative side effects, but maybe it will actually be beneficial for me.  Maybe I'll finally be able to focus and get shit done.  I always get everything on time, but I do it at the last minute and I cram to get it done.  Maybe if I was on meds I wouldn't have to cram and I'd be able to sit down and just do it.

I don't know if that's the problem or if I'm just thinking too much about the end of this week.  I think I'm probably just thinking too much.

I'd be lying

If I said I wasn't scared about leaving on Friday.  Well, I don't know if scared is the right word for how I feel about Friday.  I don't want it to come, but there's no way I can stop it.  Actually, I want to stop Thursday night from coming too.  I'm pretty sure Laura and Erin are leaving Thursday, but I realized today that I probably won't really get a chance to say goodbye to them since I'm going to have finals all day.  And then Friday's the big day.  I'm not looking forward to it one bit.

Other than freaking out about Friday, today went pretty well.  I woke up around 11, which was really nice considering I've been waking up fairly early lately.  I don't really know what I did between waking up and getting something to eat, but apparently it wasn't all that important since I don't remember.  Katy and I decided to get some lunch down at the caf before heading out to play in the tide pools, but the caf was a major letdown.  We decided that we'd go to Ralphs and then eat at the beach.  We we got down to the Malibu Colony place thing I remembered that Subway was right there, so we opted for sandwiches instead.

I looked up the beach online last night, so I was pretty confident that I chose the right one, and I did.  I just didn't know it was going to be ten bucks.  That's totally okay though.  It was definitely worth it.  I don't think we got there at the right time, but it was good enough.  We played on rocks and looked at sea creature things, and got our picture taken by some creeper.  Wonderful time.  I took the long way home, which was fine, so we got home later than I was expecting to, which was fine too.  

I was in no mood to study or work on my REL final when we got back, so I watched Nick and Norah's Infinite playlist.  I really like that movie.  Surprisingly, it doesn't remind me of Philip, even though that's who I saw it with.  That's good I guess.  I didn't do much of anything else until 9 when Katy and I went to get free breakfast at the caf.  Finally, real food from the caf.  But it was free, so I couldn't use my caf points.  There's just no way I'm going to use all of them by Friday.  Oh well.

I finally started studying when we got back from dinner and I just finished right before I started posting.  I was hoping to get half of my REL final done, but that's not going to happen.  I'm going to get in the shower, go through my HUM notes one more time, and then maybe work on my REL final a tad.

Hazel

"I didn't know your eyes were green."

"They change sometimes."

"Oh, so they're hazel?"

"Sure."

My eyes are brown.  They just change sometimes.

Today was way longer than it needed to be.  I woke up early to get ready to go home, but I kept waking up like every half hour since 6:20ish.  And I was pretty cold without my duvet cover.  I'll just be sure to sleep with a sweatshirt on tonight or something.

I got home in about an hour and fifteen minutes, but I needed to wait around for everyone to get ready.  I probably would have been okay had I slept in for another 45 minutes.  That's okay though.  I should know that my family is always late.  Both sides.

The service was nice, but it was long and noisy, and I sat inbetween Jen and Deb, which was awkward.  I don't think I said much to anyone before we got to Datillo's for lunch, and even then, it still wasn't much.  The only talking I seemed to do was when anyone would ask me about school.  I would give the same answer each time: I love it, I have finals next week, I come home Friday, and I don't want to leave.  I really don't want to leave.

Lunch was good, but I was bored.  My dad convinced me to stay longer so he could wash my car.  I agreed, but he went over his proposed time of 6:30.  I didn't end up leaving until 7:45.  But my car's clean and I got to spend time with my sister, so I guess that's okay.  I missed her kind of.

I couldn't wait to get back to school.  It kind of sucks that I spent half of my last weekend in Malibu at home, but whatever.  I could always come back for a day over the summer if I felt like it.  I don't think I would have done anything productive, but just being here with my friends would have been good enough for me.  I got back around 9, kinda sorta worked on my REL final, and searched around online for stuff.

I'm super tired, but it's early, so I don't know if I want to go to bed.  I probably should go to bed soon, but I don't want to wake up at 6:22 again like I have been doing for the past few days.  It's weird.  It's like my body knows when it's 6:22 AM or something.

And my back still hurts.  It didn't bother me too much today since I was mostly sitting all day, but when I got out of my car to walk back to Hayes, I could feel it for sure.  And I'm a little sore from carrying stuff yesterday.  I don't know if I'll be more sore tomorrow from unloading my car, but maybe since I did physical stuff again today, it won't be so bad.

**1:04 AM

It's late, Amber's playing music and "singing", and she's packing.  WTF?  And she keeps sighing like nobody's business.  I'm glad to be moving away from her.  Sad, but true.

Tweak

I tweaked my back today.  It hurts a little bit, but that's okay.  Maybe I'll sleep it off.  I should really get to sleep soon since I have to wake up early to get ready to go home in the morning.

As soon as I woke up this morning, I was in packing mode.  I've been anxious all week about loading up my car and trying to get everything to fit.  I did some last minute packing and then spent a few hours trying to convince myself that everything was going to fit.  I was extremely skeptical, but Katy was optimistic about the whole sitch.  I watched 30 Rock, The Office, and Parks and Recreation, and then finally went to get my car so I could pull it up to the hall.  I was pleasantly surprised to see that some of my stuff was already outside when I got back.  To my surprise, Katy and I were able to fit everything in my car.  I totally could not have done it by myself, so she's pretty awesome.

I watched the Making the Band finale, which was kind of lame, did laundry, and then sat around for a looooong time.  Around 8:30 I decided I'd actually get started on my REL final, so I packed up and made my way to the library.  I made a pit stop at the HAWC for an Odwalla and ended up staying there for a little bit.  When it got to loud I got up and went to Payson.  I was planning on spending the majority of the night there, since I didn't want to be a cockblock to Katy, but they closed early.  Lame.  It's stupid that the library would close at 10 the Friday before finals.

I came back, went to the gas station, and then tried to work some more, but Laura came home and then I got distracted.  When Katy and Chris went to the HAWC for ice cream, all hell broke loose.  Laura and I tore this room up and rearranged the furniture.  I really like it, but I don't think Katy's very happy with it.  She said she's fine with it, but I really don't believe her.

Then Laura just got back from a party a little bit ago so she came in here and we chit chatted for a little bit.  Well, she spoke, I listened.  That's normally how my friendships work anyway.  I'm not much of a speaker.  I need to change that.  I keep telling myself that, and I never do it.

I can already tell that I'm going to be sore tomorrow.  Both from the furniture and from loading my car.

*whisper* lluvia

Laura's concert was something else.  And Katy is totally better at Spanish than I am.  My family screwed me over when they didn't teach me Spanish.  Pssh...

I really liked today.

Erin, Katy, and I woke up early and went up to the law school to get their famous breakfast burritos.  I wasn't too excited about waking up early and trekking up the stairs/hill, but the burrito was totally worth it.  Daniel and Kevin showed up as we were finishing, so we sat around for a while and talked to them.  Since Katy and I didn't have class until waaaaay later, we both went back to sleep and slept until 1.  Nice.

I didn't really have anything to do until POSC at 4, but I really should have been working on homework.  I have to do a POSC write up and start on my REL final tomorrow, no matter how much I don't want to.

POSC was a waste, so Katy and I left at the break.  I needed some change, all I had were big bills, so I went down to the bookstore to buy something.  I couldn't find anything that really caught my eye, but then I found this awesome cup.  And I also bought my mom a sticker for her car, an Odwalla, and a Big Hunk for Katy.

Then we all went to Laura's concert, chillaxed back in our room, and then went on an In-N-Out run.  I was really hungry tonight, so it was especially delicious.  I love going on In-N-Out runs late at night with Katy.  I just love hanging out with Katy in general.  I'm really going to miss her this summer.  Like a lot.

Until Tomorrow

It's early, but I have something on my mind, so I'm posting now.  I'll finish it up before I go to bed... if I remember... which I will this time.

So my dad has been trying to get his marriage to mom annulled for the past few years.  They've been separated since I was 18 months old and have been divorced since I was like 7.  He remarried when I was either 8 or 9, I can't remember since I didn't go to his wedding, but I guess there's some weird rules in the church that led my dad to want to get the marriage annulled.  Since he had already been married, he couldn't get remarried in a Catholic church and he can't get communion.

My dad has never mentioned this once to me.  All of the info I've been getting has been from my mom who has taken this whole deal pretty hard.  Apparently he didn't talk to her about it either and the paperwork just showed up in the mail.  Classy Dad.  Classy.  While on the phone with my mom tonight, she informed me that the annulment went through.  But where does that leave me?  Am I a legitimate child?  Am I a bastard?  Does God still love me the same?  

Knowing my dad, he'll probably make some announcement at my sister's First Holy Communion on Saturday about how he and his wife are getting renewing their vows or something.  I should really show up if that happens, but why?  I didn't show up to their first wedding, what makes them think that I'll show up to their second?  Maybe they think I've grown up, that I'm not bitter at all.  Ha.  I'll just be conveniently busy that day.  Maybe I'll be working.  Maybe I'll be out of the state.  Maybe I'll be out of the country.  But there's my sister.  She won't understand why I didn't go.  I don't want to upset my sister.  I don't want her parents to fuck her over either.

I tried talking to Rebecca about this, since I'm quite upset about it, but she isn't the venting to type.  If I just need to get something off my chest, she's great.  But if I need feedback or a response, I'm not going to get it.  I need to hear that it's okay.  I need support.  Best friends give support, not just stand there.  I love her to death and all, but I need more from her.  Maybe it's because we are just so far away from each other, but I feel like we're drifting a little and that makes me so incredibly sad.

TBC...

**12:45 AM

Rebecca ended up responding, and it was wonderful.  I almost started crying it was so wonderful.  I love her.

Today was really chill.  I pretty much did nothing all day.  I went to REL for twenty minutes, but all we did was eat rice krispie treats and leave. I came back and slept, and then I surfed around, downloaded some music, ate, downloaded more music, and then went to Diddy Riese with Katy, Erin, and Laura.

I like hanging out with them.  Laura and Erin are crazy, for sure.

And now I'm going to bed since I'm waking up early to get breakfast at the law school.  And then as soon as we're back, I'm going back to bed.  I don't have class until 4, so why stay up?

Fail

I did it.  But not the way I had planned for oh so very long.  It's out, but not really.  I failed.

I forgot to post.  I had been in bed for a good while, and then I suddenly remembered.  So here I am, posting in the dark, as I am semi-hyperventilating after kind of talking to Katy.

Today went really well considering it was a Tuesday.  I looked really cute, even though I was wearing jeans when it was super hot out.  I had class all day today, so the jean really didn't matter.  MSCO was a waste, but it was cute to see Rosenkrans one last time before finals.  I got my two shirts I ordered from Hollister in the mail, I sat through POSC, and I made it through COM.

CLOM was short and sweet, and then Katy and I goofed around for a while afterwards throwing stress balls around.  

I don't want to go home.  This past month has been awesome and I want it to be even awesome-er.  I don't want it to atrophy when we leave.

Jump in the Pool

Today was suuuuper hot.  I'm going to say it was mid 90s.  Dashboard said it was 94, so I'm going to think it was around that temp.

It was already hot when I left for class this morning.   I felt the heat as soon as we stepped out of the hall and it wasn't even ten yet.  HUM went short again, and it was really cold, but I didn't mind one bit.  I hadn't really decided on what I was going to do today, but Katy invited me to go with her to the pool, so I did.  I can't believe I had never been to the pool before.  It was awesome!  I laid out on the lawn for a while and once it got too unbearable I sat in the pool for a while.  I just sat, I didn't full on swim or anything.  

I spent the rest of the day just trying to keep cool.  I think I was on the floor for a good 4 hours.  It was just so nice down there.  I'll probably sleep down there tonight.  If I get cold I'll just get into my bed.  No problem.

I did my COM homework, went for a walk, and now I'm going to get ready for bed.  All that's left is to talk to Katy.  I know I can do it once I get started.  It's just starting that's difficult.

Compound

No momentum yet.  But I really do like that song.

It was another gorgeous day in Malibu today.  I woke up two hours earlier than I had planned, at 9, but I really didn't mind.  I enjoyed listening to the birds outside and could tell just by the amount of sunlight creeping in through the blinds that it was going to be a great day.

Katy and I headed to the beach, but we ran into some problems.  Westward/free Zuma had no parking, and Point Dume was full, so we ended up paying for Zuma.  12 bucks for parking in 2 days isn't that bad considering what great company I was in and what a nice time I had.  It was super hot and sunny, so I definitely got a tan.  It's kind of cool.  I don't think I was this tan all last summer.  Katy and I spent a good deal of time by the water watching dolphins and we headed back once it got too cold.  We stayed til around 3:45 and on our way back I took her to where Erin and I went yesterday.

When we got back I had a frosty glass of milk, Katy had some cucumbers, and then we made our way to the caf.  I should probably get on a functional eating schedule.  I should eat breakfast at breakfast time, not at 5.  I think I took a nap when we got back, but I don't know if I really fell asleep or not.  Whatev.  I showered, hung out with Laura, Erin, and Daniel for a bit, and then did some packing.  A lot of packing actually.  I was thinking about taking stuff home tomorrow, but I might as well just wait until Saturday when I'm actually going home.

I haven't done much since.  I think I'm just going to chill out and try to cool down and convince myself to talk to Katy.  It isn't a big deal, so I should just do it.

*12:21 AM

I don't understand why it's so difficult.  I'm freaking out over nothing.  It's nothing.  It'll take like 45 seconds, maybe even a minute.  It's not worth hyperventilating.

Momentum

That's all I need.  Once I get going, I won't be able to stop, and it'll be wonderful.

Today was actually really nice.  I woke up at 10:30, but didn't get out of bed until 11:15.  I probably should've gotten out of bed when I woke up, but that's okay.  I was hoping to leave for the beach by noon, but that didn't exactly happen either.  I figured Katy and I would spend the weekend at the beach, but Chris came over today, so I invited Erin since Laura isn't around.  Erin and I got to the beach fairly quickly, but there was absolutely no parking.  We ended up forking over 6 bucks to park at Zuma.  We set up by the volleyball courts for when Daniel and his friends came over, but the court we were by suddenly became occupied by various groups of people.  Daniel eventually showed up, but we didn't move from where we were and he was all the way across the volleyball area.

Erin and I left at about 4, but we decided to make a little detour on the way back home.  There's this street that one of my friends told me about, and I'd been curious about it, so we decided to explore a little.  The road was super windy, super narrow, and super awesome.  It just kept going further and further into the hills, and farther and farther upwards.  The views were absolutely breathtaking and I just wish I wasn't the one driving so I could enjoy it more.  I am so lucky I live in Malibu.  I am so grateful for everyone and everything that got me here.  For real.

We got back around 5, and that's pretty much the last time I saw her today.  Kind of funny.  I don't think Erin and I had ever hung out before today, and it's a shame.  She's fun to hang out with.  I mean, I've hung out with her at school when it's just us, but we've never gone out or anything.  And we did some talking and joking around which was really nice.  It's a shame she isn't going to be around next year.  I'm going to miss her terribly.

After sitting around for a while, more like 3 hours, Laura and I ordered food from China Den.  It was fun chowing down with her in the common room, watching YouTube videos the whole time.  I downloading some more music after dinner and then went downstairs to meet up with Laura so we could watch SNL.  It was the best of Amy Poehler, so it was definitely a good one.  I think she is so funny on Parks and Recreation.  I think she's the only part I like, but she's just that awesome.

I'm not tired yet, so I'll probably putz around online some more and hopefully talk to Katy... finally.

Maxx

Today was stressful to the max and back.  For sure.

I didn't finish my COM paper last night, so I woke up early to get it done before MSCO.  But that didn't work out so well.  I procrastinated for an hour and a half, and then when I was finally on a roll, Allison e-mails me asking to make copies of the original project and go get them bound.  So I get ready, start panicking a little, and then get to work on the MSCO project at noon.  It took me an hour to make copies and only 10 minutes to go get our projects bound.  But I wasn't able to finish my COM paper when I wanted to.  I did finish though.  I worked on it for about 30 minutes after class and then turned it in to my prof's box.

I was uber flustered when I got back to my room so I just laid on my bed until it was time for me to go to the volleyball game.  It was our last pep band performance for the year, and boy am I glad.  I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as I was hoping to.  I have yet to decide if I want to do it again next year, but it's looking like a no.  I just know I'll miss it if I stop.

After the game I got all caught up on my Thursday shows.  I've been bored ever since.  No biggy though.  I could always aimlessly surf the net, try to go to bed, or talk to Katy.  I'm really glad she decided not to give me the silent treatment after all.  That would have sucked.

Onion

I slept about 2.5 hours last night.  Not good.  I was so tired and ready for bed when I finally finished my part of the MSCO project, but I spent a good 2 hours or so just staring at the ceiling.  I hate not being able to fall asleep.  So pretty much all day I was either really groggy or sleeping.  I slept for about 45 minutes before POSC.  I really should have just not gone to POSC because I wasn't paying attention today anyway.  I probably should have since I worried about the final, but I'm sure I'll do okay... enough.  I didn't mean to, but I slept after POSC too.  Whoops.

Allison finally let me know she was ready to put our stuff together for the MSCO project, so I met her down at Payson around 8.  I think I was there for about 2 hours helping her work on stuff.  I'm confident that she'll get stuff done and that it'll look great.  I would have like to have been working on my COM paper instead of hanging out in the library, but that's okay.  I finally started a tad before 11 and now I'm giving up.  I did all of the easy parts, now I just need to get to the meat of the paper.  I'll do it tomorrow though.  I'm not motivated enough right now.  And I'd love to sleep.

Waiting for a miracle

Oh Paramore, how I love you.

Today was kind of lame.  I can't really remember doing anything before REL, and REL was kind of a waste.  But we watched another Veggie Tales movie, so that was okay.  We were out by 3, so I kind of just sat around for a while.

Idk what time it was, but Laura came in to visit with me and Katy, and then Erin joined us, and we all had a great time.  I'm really sad that Erin isn't going to be around next year though.  I think it's going to be weird without having her and Laura together.

I was supposed to be working on my MSCO project all day, but I didn't really get started until 11.  But I'm done now, so that's all that matters.  Woo!

Now I have to go to bed since I'm waking up at 8 to shower.  Nice.

Twin

Today went well considering I didn't get to sleep until after 4:30 and woke up before 10.  I kind of crashed towards the end, but that's okay.

I was kind of productive this morning, but not really.  I solved a Rubix cube, I ate, I made flash cards, I downloaded new music, and I got ready for class.  Whoo hoo!  I had to give my presentation in MSCO today, and I was kind of worried about it, but Allison and I most definitely pulled it off.  And Rosenkrans was totally digging it, so that's really all that matters.  She was even asking us questions about it after our presentation was done.  I think that's a good sign.  After everyone was done presenting I had enough time to change and grab my stuff for POSC and COM.  POSC was just not happening today.  It rarely happens, if ever, but especially not today.  I started to feel my sleep deprivation catch on.  Once I got food at break I was a little bit more energized, but not really.  It just inspired me to not go to COM.  So I didn't.  I watched Thank You For Smoking instead.  So I was sorta productive in my laziness.  I wasn't supposed to, but I fell asleep afterwards for probably 30 minutes.  Not too long, but still.

I've been pretty bored ever since I woke up, just surfing around as always, and I'm still sleepy, but not exactly sleepy enough to go to bed.  And it's still early.  And I wanted to talk to Katy.  But I doubt that will happen.  I'll chicken out as always.  I really wanted to last night, but every time the words were there, I would panic.  Not good.

We'll see if I'm able to sleep and or speak tonight...

Crackle

Today did not feel like Monday.

I wasn't down for waking up this morning considering I wasn't able to fall asleep yet again.  I was too stressed out last night to fall asleep I think.  I'm pretty sure that was the dealio.

I forgot to print out my outline for HUM last night so I got ready kind of early and went down to the library to print it out.  It took me forever to figure out where it was printing from, but I finally figured it out and met Erin and Daniel down at the caf.  Class was pretty amusing today actually.  Erin and I were being pretty talkative and acting silly, so I'm surprised Sonia didn't kick us out or anything.

It took me forever to finally get motivated and do work, but I finally did and I felt kind of good about myself.  Allison came over and we went over our presentation for tomorrow.  I think it's going to go really well.  I'm just a little apprehensive about the actual written report.  It'll work out though, I'm sure of it.  And I'm all done with Wednesday's homework too.  I still have two reports to do, but I should be fine.  They're due on Friday.

So yeah.  I can't do it today.  I wanted to, but I can't.

Easter

Surprisingly, I don't want to post tonight.  But I am, just so I can say that I posted.

Easter was okay.  Nothing special.  I got to my grandparents' house a little after one, ate until I couldn't eat anymore, and chatted with my grandpa.  I like talking to him.  His views are very skewed, but I like hearing what he has to say and he's very interested in what I have to say.  I go to college you know, the first one in the family to actually get a degree in something, if all goes well.

My mom and I got back home idk when, and I went to work on uploading CDs and updating her i-pod.  I left the house at 7:05 and got back to school at 8.  I was very happy with the traffic.  Traffic was extremely light yesterday when I came home too.  It was a little weird.  I got back, dropped my stuff off, grabbed an Odwalla at the HAWC and hung out in the library for a while before I actually settled in.

I didn't do much when I really should have been working.  I need to work my ass off tomorrow if I'm going to survive this week.  I hope I survive this week.

Knock knock

Who's there?
It's Gilly!

SNL was worth it tonight. I actually laughed out loud at a few skits. Too bad Zefron didn't take his shirt off...

Today was kind of weird. I had a totally different idea of how the day was going to go, but I guess it all worked out in the end. I'm alive right?

Around 5 I was contemplating whether or not to come home. It wasn't like I was going to be productive at school or anything. I finally made my decision, packed up, and left. I figured I'd rather be bored at home than be bored and feel like an awkward third wheel, with multiple people, so I left. And I was bored. I was hoping to hang out with Rebecca or Daniel, but as always, it didn't work out that way.

Easter with the fam bam should be nice tomorrow. I'm looking forward to eating and maybe getting some cash since the g-units won at the casino the other day. I'm running low...

Arroz

Thanks to Katy, I didn't take a nap yesterday, and because I did not take a nap, I was able to fall asleep.  I slept well too.  I woke up earlier than I wanted to, but I was able to fall back asleep until almost 11, so it was all good.

I showered, watched Parks and Recreation, The Office, and 30 Rock, and then got ready for class.  I didn't really feel motivated about going, so I didn't.  I just sat around and did nothing besides laundry all day.  I should have worked on some homework, but whatever.  I'll do something tomorrow.  Maybe.

Yeah.  Today wasn't all that special.  I enjoyed it and all, but there's nothing really worth writing about.  Maybe something will happen before I go to bed...

Gopher

I didn't want to wake up again this morning, but for good reason.  I couldn't fall asleep again last night, but it was probably because I took a nap for way longer than I had wanted to.  I shouldn't have even taken a nap yesterday to begin with.  I think I didn't fall asleep until after three, and I let myself sleep in for 10 minutes.  Woo.

I didn't feel well during HUM today.  I think I ate too fast and I was still really sleepy.  That combo + Laura complaining about the class + me trying to concentrate= not a good morning.  I told Katy not to let me take a nap today, so I was hoping she'd still be asleep when I got back so I could fall asleep without her knowing.  No such luck.  We got out early, like five after, but she was awake when I got back.  That's okay though.

I spent the whole afternoon up until POSC surfing around online and watching W.  W wasn't as boring as I thought it would be.  Actually, it was pretty interesting.  I'll have no problem writing a page about it for extra credit.  Now writing a page for that convo I went to about a week ago, I don't think I can do that.  I might just have to watch another movie...

POSC wasn't totally unbearable since Katy and I were joking around a smidge.  I really should have gotten something to eat during the break since I hadn't eaten since before HUM, but I didn't, because I wasn't thinking correctly.  I didn't eat until much later.

After POSC I pretty much had nothing to do, so I kind of just zoned out.  Katy and I tried watching The Office at 8, but NBC kept freezing, so we gave up.  I'm just going to have to catch up online tomorrow.  After our failed attempt at TV watching, I went back to zoning and ended up falling asleep for idk how long.  Katy woke me up though, so she did her job.  Mostly.  

Idk what time we left, but Katy and I went to In-N-Out for the first time in idk how long.  It hasn't been all that long, but we were going every week for a while and we haven't been, so it was nice to finally go again.  We stayed there longer than usual, and ended up eating after midnight, whoopsie, but I didn't really care.  I was eating great food and was with great company.

I kept meaning to talk to Katy about what I've been wanting to talk about, but I just can't bring myself to do it.  And I hate it.  It really isn't that big of a deal so idk why I'm having such a hard time with it.  I'll get around to it eventually.  I hope.

Ragin'

That never really caught on.  Too bad, I liked it.

I had trouble falling asleep last night.  I'm blaming it on that little power nap I took before COM, but who knows?  Katy wasn't sleepy either, so we were up talking about random things.  I like talking about random things with her.  I just wish we spoke more.  That's my fault though.  I'll fix it eventually.  How, I'm not exactly sure yet.

I think I woke up around 11 today, but I don't really remember.  I do remember getting ready by 1 so I could finally eat something.  I wasn't down for cereal, and I didn't want to waste the milk on myself, so I headed down to the caf before class.  Again, they let me down.  I ended up getting nasty chicken stir fry stuff.  The rice was good, but that's about it.  But I was craving rice last night as I was lying in bed, so that was kinda cool.  Too bad it wasn't real rice.  I like the sticky kind, not the fake kind.  Lame.

REL was tolerable today.  The very first part of class was a group presentation about the Wisdom writings.  They had this little quiz thing at the end and the prizes were balloon animals that Kevo made, so that was pretty cute.  The rest of class was just the prof giving summaries about what we read for this week.  Nothing special.  But I was freaking myself out a little bit because my prof is super pregnant, and I couldn't stop myself from staring at her stomach and realizing that there's a baby in there.  I know it's not in her stomach, but whatev.  It's just kind of weird and gross to think about.  We finished off class with a Veggie Tales movie about Esther.  I knew that Esther was from the Bible, but I never really knew who she was, besides my grandmother, but now I know. 

I was planning on finally talking to Katy when I got back from class, since I decided last night that I was going to talk to her today, but she looked kind of sleepy and I ended up taking a nap until 7.  We went down to get dinner, again, nothing good to eat, and I didn't really wake up until 8.

I've spent the whole evening surfing around online, talking to my grandmother, and I was Skyping with Rebecca, but she kind of stopped responding.  That's okay though.

Sleep might be kind of hard for me again tonight.  I'm not sleepy, I don't have anything to do, and it's not even midnight.  Lame.

**1:40 AM

I repeatedly talk myself up and tear myself down.  I need to stop.  Seriously.

hunger pains

I didn't eat enough today.  But I guess I can afford to not be constantly eating.  I just hate going to bed hungry.

I woke up pretty late today considering I didn't think I was that tired.  All the sun for the past few days finally got to me I guess.  It always seems to drain my energy.  But sometimes it charges my battery...  Jason called me as I was getting ready, and thank goodness he did.  I had stuff to do for COM that I completely forgot about.  Had I remembered, I probably wouldn't have gone out last night.  But I'm kind of glad I did go out.  It was nice to spend some time out with myself.  I would have loved to go to Island's, but I'm not confident enough to go to dinner by myself.  Maybe one day.  Anyway, I whipped up some of what I had to do for COM, went to MSCO, and then came back and finished COM since POSC was cancelled for today.  I ended up taking a little nap after my COM stuff, but it probably wasn't the best idea.  I should've stayed up so I could fall asleep more easily tonight.  Whatev.  COM ran long and we covered theories this time, so we went pretty fast tonight, making me even more confused.  I really wish I understood that class.  Maybe that's what I should start wishing for at 11:11 and in tunnels.

I read for REL when I got back from class, and actually finished, and now I don't really have anything to do.  I'm kind of tired, but I don't really want to go to sleep.  And I'm hungry, but I don't have time to go to the HAWC, I don't want cereal, and I don't want soup.  I could go out, but that's too much effort.  I'll be fine waiting until tomorrow.  My stomach may get a little vocal, unlike myself, but that's okay.

adventureland

I wasn't quite sure how today was going to go, but after a rocky start, it smoothed out and is finishing nicely.

This morning as Erin and I were walking out of Hayes, we both decided that it was going to be a good day because I was wearing a dress and because Erin said so.  And I really did think it was going to be a good day.  The sun was out, I saw some duckies, and I felt pretty good.  Unfortunately, that changed.  The caf didn't have any blueberry scones, so I just got some milk and decided to try The Oasis for my blueberry fix.  I was pleasantly surprised that they had them.  I grabbed two cookies for later, but then I found out that they weren't open until 10:30.  Bust!  I went to class and decided I would just get a raspberry scone instead.  I changed my mind once I got back to the caf and grabbed a sourdough sandwich instead.  When I went back to class, I ended up spilling my milk.  Not a good sign for a good day.  Class was uber boring, but we got out about 20 minutes early, so that was nice.

I got back to my room, grabbed my towel and sunscreen, and then I was off to the beach.  I had to park kind of far, but whatev.  I got there about 11:45 and stayed until around 2:45.  I got a little toastier than I wanted to, but I'm definitely going to be tan by the time I leave school.  I think I have a better tan now than I did last summer.  But maybe not.  Idk.

I didn't do much of anything as usual until Katy and I went to grab some dinner down at the caf.  They've been letting me down lately.  I can't remember the last time I was fully satisfied with my food from the caf.  I ended up getting a chicken burger, just like I ate yesterday.  The lemon chicken looked somewhat tasty, but it came with peas, and I didn't want to waste all those peas.  After dinner I filled up my car's tank and went through the canyon to Agoura to see Adventureland.

Adventureland was deeper than I thought it would be.  I figured it'd be a more mature Superbad, and it kind of was, but it so wasn't all at the same time.  It isn't one of my favorite's, but I still liked it.  It made me kind of sad though.  I need to stop feeling sorry for myself.  My life isn't as messed up as I think it is.  I have it pretty good considering all of the shit other people have to go through.  I live in Malibu for crying out loud!  

I think I want some ice cream.  But good ice cream.  I'm still pretty bent that we don't sell Ben & Jerry's anymore.  And that the Ben & Jerry's isn't open yet.  I don't think any progress has been made on that store since I moved here.  Sad.

**11:09

Ice cream fail.  The HAWC just had vanilla and butter pecan.

Crispy

What a great end to the weekend.  Seriously.

I woke up around 10, showered, and then got ready for the beach.  I wasn't sure if Katy was coming with since she didn't wake up for a while, but she got ready pretty fast and then we were off.  The weather was absolutely wonderful.  I was a little scared that it would be windy like it was yesterday and the day before, but it was fine.  The sun was shining, it was warm with cool breezes here and there, dolphins, seals, and stingrays were swimming, and Katy and I were baking... in the non food and non marijuana way.  Oh, Laura asked me if I had ever hotboxed last night.  Random.

We spent at least 3 hours at the beach.  Free Zuma was packed, so we ended up paying six bucks, well, Katy paid six bucks, which reminds me that I need to pay her back, but it was worth it.  The day was absolutely wonderful.  Katy got uber burnt, to the point where it hurts me to look at her, and I just got a little pink.  I'm planning on hitting up the beach again tomorrow since I don't have class after HUM.  I'd like not to go alone, but it isn't all that big of a deal.  I can take a nap or think or something.  I like naps and thinking.

After the beach I kind of just surfed around online, watched videos, and watched a few episodes of Making the Band.  I had forgotten about that show and I'm really curious as to what the girls from Danity Kane are going to do.  I hope Dawn and Andrea continue to make music despite DK's breakup.

Katy and I just finished putting up some Easter decorations in our suite and it looks pretty cute.  We definitely were lacking on the decoration department this year.  Other suites decorated their common room as soon as school started, but we didn't decorate until Valentine's day.  That's pretty sad if you ask me.  Whatev.

I'm pretty tired, so I might call it a night soon.  The sun always manages to drain all of my energy.  And I bet my body is still tired from all that walking this weekend. 

Relay

Relay was intense today.  Erin, Daniel, and I walked for about 2 hours last night, tried to get some sleep, couldn't, and then Erin and I walked again for an hour as the sun was rising.  It was beautiful and all, but it sucked.  Erin and I were able to nap for about half an hour and then I was on my own to hold down the fort.  I was the only one left.  Everyone else either ditched us to sleep in their room or they had International Programs stuff to do.  

I am totally walked out and a little sunburnt.  Just a little over the bridge of my nose and a little on my forearms.  Hopefully tomorrow's warm enough so I can go down to the beach for a little bit to even out.  I have a little bit of a farmer tan going on.  After Relay I came back up to Hayes, showered, and then crashed in Laura's bed for about 3 hours.  I was uber hungry when I woke up, so I got ready and Laura and I went to In-N-Out.  It was weird going without Katy, but she had gone out to dinner with Chris and Erin & Daniel had gone out to dinner somewhere too.  The burger run was topped off with a Ralphs run and then it was back to school.  

I spent the evening reading most of my newest issue of Blender, featuring Kelly Clarkson, and watching SNL.  It was fairly decent this time and I definitely approve of Seth Rogan's new look.  I don't know how funny next week's episode will be, but I for sure will be tuning in.  Zefron's hosting.  Yum!

Early Morning

I'm not going to be around a computer tonight, so I'm starting this now.  I'll add to it tomorrow when I get back.

I had a funky dream last night about going into space.  I don't know what planet I was going to, but I think it was Mars.  Jennifer was trying to keep me from going and Emme was a baby again, but I ended up going anyway.  And think there were animals in my dream too.  Idk.

I woke up earlier than I had to considering it was Friday, I didn't have to go to convo, and I don't have class until 2, but it was for a good cause.  I needed to get my media strategy project done.  Katy woke up around 8 to get some more reading done and I woke up at 9.  I didn't start my project until 10, and it didn't take me as long as I thought it would.  I ended up finishing a smidge before noon and I've just been surfing around since.  I don't really have anything to do for the next 20 minutes, but I'm sure I can find something to do.  And then it's off to MSCO and then it's off to relay.

TBC...

**4/5 1:04 AM

Relay was intense.  It was super windy and super cold, but it was still fun.  And I'm glad Katy came down to visit for a little bit.

advanced

This morning wasn't as bad as the past mornings have been.  I don't know why it's been so difficult for me to wake up lately, but this morning was okay.  I ended up kind of crying myself to sleep last night.  Lame.  I couldn't help it though.  I just kept thinking about my stupid communication issues and I continued thinking about it all morning and I'm still thinking about it.

HUM was a little weird today.  Normally Sonia sticks to her outline like glue, but she was skipping stuff today and throwing everyone off.  Everyone meaning me, Erin, and Laura.  After class I came back to my room and just putzed around for about half an hour.  At noon I made my way to the post office so I could mail Rebecca's package.  I was expecting to be back at school fairly soon, but the line at the Post Office was taking forever.  I don't remember what time I got back to school, but I think it was after 1.  I've been messing around on i-tunes ever since, just listening to music to try to drown out my thoughts.  I need to talk to somebody.

TBC...

**1:56 AM

POSC was kind of lame as always.  I'm just glad that we don't have class on Tuesday.  I get a little bit or a break between my MSCO class and my COM class.  It just sucks that I can't stay up at the CCB in between.  I mean, I could, but that's a long time to try to fill.  After class I should have started my MSCO project that's due tomorrow, but I didn't.  I didn't do much of anything.  That's beginning to be a problem.  I'm starting to get into my senioritis self and just wish my work would get done without putting any effort into it.  Summer is just so close I can taste it.  It's sad how close it is though.  Only 4 weeks.

Laura finally came home so we all went to PF Changs for her birthday.  It was the whole suite this time, so it was nice and weird all at the same time.

I kind of started my project, but not really, and I'm not really feeling it right now.  I'm going to wake up and do it in the morning.  I don't think it should take all that long to do, but I want to do it right so I only have to present that project and not the viral advertising one that I BSed weeks ago.

I still need to talk to someone.  I thought up what I was going to say to Katy after coming back from getting Erin's leftovers out of the car, but I couldn't bring myself to say it.  I really hate that.  Like seriously.  I just wish I could say the things that I want to say.  That I need to say but can't.  I need to get them out.

I was going to apologize for not talking.  Then I was going to explain that since she's my best friend here I know I should be able to talk to her, but because my paradigm is backwards, the fact that she's important to me disconnects my ability to communicate.  It's like I'm scared to talk to her.  Like if talking would lead to my ruining our friendship, when in all actuality, not talking is probably doing more harm then good.  It just baffles me how I know all of this and I can't do anything to change it.  I need to figure out a way to change it.

I need to talk.

use somebody

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see

Painted faces fill the spaces I can't reach

You know that I could use somebody

You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you and all you know and how you speak

Countless lovers under cover of the street

You know that I could use somebody

You know that I could use somebody

Someone like you

Off in the night while you live it up I'm off to sleep

Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat

I hope it's gonna make you notice

I hope it's gonna make you notice

Someone like me

Favorite song as of right now.  I can't stop listening to it even though it makes me really sad.  But it works for how I feel right now, and if I feel sad, then I feel sad.  That's just how it works.  I could definitely use somebody.  I need somebody.

I don't really know all that went on today.  I know like what went on, but I don't really understand how it was Wednesday because it was so different from my usual Wednesdays.  I didn't go to convo this morning since I'm done with all my convos and Katy said she was going with Amber.  I ended up waking up at 10 with a killer pain in my elbow.  As I was getting into bed last night I hit my elbow on my desk, but I didn't think much of it besides that it was stupid and it hurt.  Well, I hit it harder than I originally thought because it's been hurting all day when I move it certain ways.  I don't get it.  I didn't really do much besides shower before class either.  Lame.

REL was okay today.  We just went over the reading and I actually participated in class.  I read a psalm.  I don't remember which one it was, I think maybe something like 109, but it was long so I didn't get to read the whole thing.  At least I participated though right?  And we listened to some recording, I don't know how it pertained to the topic, but it was putting me to sleep big time.  I've been so tired lately that I keep falling asleep when I don't want to.  It isn't good.  

Speaking of sleep, I had another weird dream last night.  I had just woken up from a nap (in my dream) and Nathan was on my bed.  I was super pissed and extremely confused as to why he was there.  He ended up leaving because I had a class, but I didn't end up going to class because I had forgotten to do my homework.  I ended up going to My Tie instead, but it ended up raining anyway.  Weird.

After REL I was planning on going straight to my car and then to Party City, but I got out of class kind of early so I came back to my room and checked to see if Erin wanted to come along.  Erin wasn't around, so I asked Laura if she wanted to go.  She did, so we set out on our adventure.  And an adventure it was.  We got a little lost, right by where Katy and I got lost on our way to The Cheesecake Factory, but we found our way after driving around for a bit.  Party City was farther than I thought, but we found it and got a whole bunch of pink stuff for relay this weekend.  I think the last time Laura and I had gone out was to go to mass, which I haven't done since before Spring Break.  I should probably go this Sunday though.

Tonight was full of moping around again.  I wrote Rebecca a letter all about it that I plan on sending her tomorrow along with a pair of wax lips that I was finally able to find.  I meant to find them back in October, but that didn't work out too well.  I couldn't find them anywhere.  Anyway... I wrote to her about my communication issues.  I've been stressing about it lately and cried about it tonight when I went for a walk to clear my head.  I wish I could talk to people, I do.  I wish I had just one person to talk to.  That's all I want.

I'll be forever happy if I could have a friend that I could be completely honest with and feel completely comfortable with.