Anchor

I went to bed late again, but I fell asleep very quickly as far as I know. I slept well and all, but I didn't sleep long enough. If I didn't have things to do this morning, I probably could have slept until noon.

I woke up around 9, stripped my bed, and got in the shower. It was a struggle trying to remake my bed, especially since my bed is squeezed into its spot between a wall and a desk, but I was able to finished. I got some laundry done by the time Chris and Katy came back from breakfast, but I still had two loads to do. I finally finished a little bit after 1, minutes before I had to leave for the basketball game. I gave Katy and Chris a quick goodbye and then I was off. It was unfortunate that I didn't really get to say bye to Katy, but I guess a week isn't all that long. I'll see her Sunday... or Monday if by some miracle the basketball team makes it to the championship round.

We lost against the last place team today. Talk about lame. We weren't playing all that well and the other team was hitting 3's left and right. I enjoy going to the games and everything, but not so much with the band, or by myself. I need to find someone that enjoys them as much as I do so I can go with them next year. But going back to the band, I've decided I'm not doing it next year. Today I realized how much I dislike it. I don't like the songs, I don't like the fact that nobody pays attention to the game, I don't like the fact that if they pay attention it's just to badmouth our players, and I don't like the director. He seems somewhat clueless about the game and about pepp band, and he doesn't really take control. I'm probably just spoiled from having a wonderful director for the past 4 years. I miss that tall bald guy.

I didn't get back to my room until a quarter after 4, so that didn't leave much time to pack. I got my last load of laundry out of the dryer, packed up some stuff, loaded up my car, and went to mass. When I got back to school I finished packing for home, set aside some things to pack on Thursday, and left school at 6:45. I was on empty, so I needed to fill up before I got stranded somewhere, so really I left at like 7. I think I was home by like 8:45.

For the first time since I don't know when, I'm not all that embarrassed of my house. My mom has been working really hard lately on trying to get the house together, and her effort has definitely paid off. I'm proud of her and all of the work and time she's put in. I didn't really get to see outside, since it was already dark when I got home, but I'm sure that looks great too. And my room, AWESOME. It's finally finished. I've been waiting for a long time to say that. I haven't had anyone over since 5th grade, so maybe it's time...

Sun Gone Down

I shouldn't have woken up early for convo.  I needed my sleep today.  But I'm still somewhat functional, so I guess it isn't all that bad that I woke up early.  I got ready to go, went to get some breakfast, and then met up with Amber and Erin for convo.  It wasn't all that great today, and it was unfortunate that the lyrics weren't up, but I did enjoy the speaker.  She was a COM professor from Biola that spoke about pride.  I can be very prideful at times, and I'm not proud of it.  Just one of the many things I'm not proud of...

I meant to come back and start studying for my MSCO midterm, but I kind of sat around for a while before I finished studying.  And I didn't even really finish studying.  I kind of half-assed the rest of the chapters, but I mean, I had read them in their entirety and I re-read the summaries in the back.  I figured I was safe.  I still had a good hour to kill before class, so I vacuumed.  I had been meaning to for a while, but just never got to it.  Laura had to steal it back from A suite, but other than that, there was no drama with the vacuum.  I've always liked vacuuming for some strange reason.  I would rarely do it at home, but when I was asked to, I was more than happy to get the job done.  Out vacuum is one of those old commercial types, so it isn't all that great, but it works.

My MSCO midterm went well I think.  It was really easy, so I got a little scared that it wasn't actually easy, and I ended up going over it a few times.  I changed my answers on a few questions, which might come back to bite me, but we'll see.  Maybe i over analyzed that too.  

I haven't done much between 2:40 and now, which sucks, but whatever.  Katy and I went to the caf for dinner and I spoke to my family on the phone, but that's pretty much it.  I had wanted to go out to do something, but ended up sitting on my bed all night.  I messed around a little bit on my ukulele, but not much.  Maybe I'll play some more over break if I have time between my POSC paper and my REL paper.  I'm not looking forward to those.

I have another half hour or so to kill before Katy and I go for an In-N-Out run.  Laura was saying yesterday that she wanted to go, but today she told me that she's going tomorrow with her grandmother, so two days of deliciousness would be too much.  It worked out that she's not coming with though.  I had forgotten that it was Friday and we can't eat meat, hence, the late night burger run.  And we didn't go this week, so we needed to fit it in somewhere.

TBC...

**2:44

In-N-Out was fun and delicious as always.  It was uber packed when we got there, mostly high school students dressed up for something, but by the time we were done eating, we were the only two in there... and then two other people showed up.  The drive home always seems to go more quickly then the drive there, with the exception of last week's detour.  I feel that way with other places too, not just In-N-Out at midnight.  There has to be some kind of explanation for this.

When we got back I realized that I needed to put money on my laundry card, but when I went to the HAWC to do the whole card deal, it was closed.  The HAWC is never closed, so I don't know what happened.  Maybe it's because it's Spring Break or something.  I went to the back door and found that it was locked, so I went to the main entrance.  Locked.  There wasn't anyone working the front desk, but there were workers playing pool.  They just looked at me and waved.  Sad.  Katy said I could use her card, so if the HAWC isn't open in the morning, I guess I will have to use her card.

I'm not very tired, but I really should go to bed.  I have a semi-busy day tomorrow.  I have to do laundry, shower, re-do my bed, play at the basketball game, pack, possibly go to mass, get gas, and then drive home.  I think I will end up going to mass, that way I can bypass some of the traffic and I won't have to wake up early or come home early on Sunday in order to go to mass.  Yes, I will go to mass tomorrow.  And if I need to come back and pack, then I'll come back and pack.

Bananas and Ice Cream

Laura ate a banana and soft serve, or yogurt, during POSC.

I woke up and got ready fairly quickly so that I could eat as much as I could before HUM since I woke up starving.  34 hours is a long time, but I think I've gone longer.  Not on purpose, but just like because I would be so busy I would forget to eat.  Anyway, I was hoping that there would be biscuit sandwiches, my favourite, but they didn't.  I wasn't feeling the breakfast pizza or burrito, so I just got oatmeal-y stuff and a scone for later.  I ended up eating the scone right after I finished the oatmeal-y stuff though.  Yum.

I considered sitting in the back so I wouldn't have to deal with Laura's complaints about the class, but I decided against it and sat in our usual spot.  Erin came in shortly after, then Daniel, then Laura.  Class was interesting again today, but I was just really tired and I was having trouble staying focused.  I'm pretty sure I have another test coming up pretty soon after break, but I'm not positive.

After class I had planned on showering, which I did, but I fell asleep before that.  I didn't mean to.  It just sort of happened.  And apparently I snore when I take naps.  Whoops.  I think it's because I lay on my back when I nap, and I sleep on my side or stomach when I actually sleep.  Or maybe not.  I'm not sure.  I think I slept for about an hour and a half, then finally got in the shower.  I spent the time before class printing out loads of paper, so now my toner's low.  But I don't have to print anything out before break, so I can buy some ink when I go home this weekend.

I wasn't really all that excited to go home, but I kind of am now.  I'm excited to see the house, and to see my animals, and to get my glasses, but that's pretty much it.  I mean, there's nothing to do at home.  My mom will be at work, my grandparents will be at work, my sister will be at school, and my dad will probably be looking for work.  I would love to spend time with my friends, but they're all still going to be in school.  That's okay I guess.  Whatev.

POSC was pretty much pointless.  I didn't learn anything.  But I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have.  Well, I was probably paying as much attention as I do anyway.  So not much.

After POSC I had to go listen to some speakers from JWTinside talk about interactive advertising.  It was interesting and all, but it took way longer than it should have.  I think I was the only one from my class that stayed for the whole thing.  There were like two other classes there too, but my class all left early.  It finished up a little bit before 8, so I booked it to the Fieldhouse to catch halftime of the basketball game.  I showed up with 7 minutes left in the first half, but had to sit by myself.  Erin and Daniel were there and said I could sit with them, but there was no way I'd be able to maneuver my way up to where they were sitting.  I didn't mind so much this time since I was only staying through halftime.  Erin and I left as soon as Katy finished dancing, but we split up.  She left with Daniel and I waited to walk with Katy.  After waiting a few minutes I decided to head back up to Hayes.  Erin and I met back up at the door and chatted with Laura and Katy for a sec before Laura left for home.

I spent the time between getting back from the game and Songfest rehearsal studying for my midterm tomorrow, which should be easy, but I never finished.  I got through 3 chapters before rehearsal and like 8 chapters between 12ish and 2ish.  I still have 3 or 4 to go, but I can do that after convo.

Songfest rehearsal went really well tonight.  We had to show the producers everything we had so far, so we did 2 finished songs, 1 half-finished song, and sang another one.  So all we have left is choreography for 2.5 songs, and learn 1 more song.  And the stuff we have done so far looks and sounds awesome.  I'm still not a huge fan of my dance, but I think it'll get better.

Moon Rushed Round

I don't know how I felt about today.  I think it was a little bit of a let down from the very start.

Convo went well, but it definitely didn't go the way I had pictured in my head.  I though Tamara Mowry would be this great speaker considering she's an actress and all and she's an alumna, but no.  She read pretty much her whole speech from a manuscript.  And it was extremely short.  Normally convo gets out at like 20 til, but we got out before 10:30.  Super fast.

I didn't have any homework to do before class, which I normally do, so I kind of just sat around and did nothing.  I should have read for POSC, but I didn't really think of that.  REL finally rolled around and I was hoping on learning a lot today considering I didn't fully comprehend what I read last night.  Unfortunately, I didn't get the explanation I was looking for.  Class was only about 20 minutes.  Lame to the max.  Maybe if it were any other class, but not REL.  I needed that time today.

On the bright side, it gave me time to come back to Hayes, drop my stuff off, and then go to the Ash Wednesday service down at the chapel.  It was cute.  I got my ashes and all that good stuff, but I don't quite know what I'm going to give up or do.  I thought about being nice to Amber, but I knew that that wasn't going to happen.  It's just too hard.  I can't even fake it all that well anymore.  My patience has run very thin with that girl.

When Laura and I got back, we hung out with Erin and Daniel for a bit, then I went back to my nothingness and surfed around.  It wasn't until Laura and Katy went to dinner that I realized that I had POSC reading to do.  So I did that.  The reading this week was kind of hard to comprehend too.  It probably didn't help that I was falling asleep either.

Again, I did pretty much nothing between reading and rehearsal.

Rehearsal didn't go the way I had expected either.  We learned a new song, which sounds great, and then we split up into our groups.  I was super excited about learning my dance, but not so much anymore.  It's my favorite song of the show, but I'm just not feeling the way the choreography is going.  Hopefully it comes together soonish.  I really want it to come together.  I have faith that it will.  Everything will fall into place and everything will be great.  We also went longer than I had hoped.

I figured that we would get out at 12, I'd come get my keys and wallet, and then go get food from In-N-Out since I've been fasting all day.  That didn't work out either.  We got out a little late and had to help put the chairs back to where they were supposed to go, and then we could leave.  I booked it back to Hayes, grabbed my wallet and keys, and left.  As soon as I walked back outside I changed my mind.  I didn't want to drive all the way to In-N-Out for food by myself.  I'm not even hungry anymore.  Maybe I'll eat before HUM, maybe not.  I don't know.  I'll eat sometime tomorrow before I pass out.

This blog didn't even go the way I wanted.  Maybe it's because I'm flustered, but I just cannot type tonight.  Every sentence has had some kind of typo.  Not cool.

When will I learn not to get excited about things?  I know what ends up happening.

2-5

Amber's spilled 2 of the 5 songs that we're doing for Songfest.  I'm over it though.  I don't really care about the whole secrecy thing anymore.  I'm still going to keep it secret, but if other people can't do their jobs, that's their fault.

My appointment with my advisor went well this morning.  Overall my schedule was fine, but we made a few adjustments that I think will be very beneficial.  I wasn't feeling all that great and I was tired from waking up earlier than normal, so pretty much as soon as Katy left for class, I crashed out.  I woke up around noon, did my reading for POSC, and then watched The Secret Life.  I decided against going to MSCO today due to my reading and my tiredness.  I don't think I missed much though.

I can't really remember what happened in POSC today.  I know Laura watched the Gilly skit and e-mailed some prof for me, but that's it.  I can't remember much else.  I was totally falling asleep in COM though.  That class is sooooo boring.  I hate it.  Very rarely do the theories make any sense.  I don't even think the presenters fully understand what they're presenting to the class.  I know I didn't.

I can't really remember what happened in between the end of class and the beginning of rehearsal either.  Wait, yes I do.  I read a chapter of RTOT for REL.  Riveting.  The reading assigned for this week was somewhat difficult to follow.  I finished up reading a few minutes ago.

Songfest rehearsal didn't go they way I had anticipated, but it was productive.  We just cleaned the big group dance and I think the other group worked on theirs a little bit.  Tomorrow we're learning a song and we're learning my dance, so that should be fun.

So yeah.  Convo with Tamara Mowry tomorrow... 

Supernatural

My day was way too long and it didn't feel like Monday.

I woke up fairly early this morning, 8:15, so that I could speak with my academic advisor about my schedule for next year.  It turns out that those walk-in appointment times aren't really appointment times at all.  It's a time where you can walk-in and make an appointment.  So I woke up early for nothing.  I made an appointment for tomorrow morning, grabbed some breakfast, and then went to class.

As soon as I sat next to Laura, she made some remark about the class.  I really like the class and find it interesting, but she thought I was kidding.  I don't think I'm going to sit with her and Erin in that class anymore.  I don't want to deal with Laura's complaints about the class because they make me feel stupid.  I shouldn't feel stupid for something that I enjoy and that's benefitting my education.

After class I came back to my room for a few minutes and then I left for my optometrist appointment.  I got home faster than I had anticipated, so I stopped by Michael's and picked up some bandannas for songfest rehearsals.  I've decided that bandannas are my thing.  I still had time to kill so I went looking for my mom.  No luck.  It was finally time for my appointment, but I had trouble remember exactly where it was.  I found it though.  My appointment took about half an hour, I found out I have an astigmatism, and I ordered new glasses.  After my appointment I went looking for my mom again, but I had better luck.  I found her.  We just talked for a little bit, and then I was off.  I got back to school in about 45 minutes which is super fast.  Traffic was nice I guess.

When I got back to school I worked on the Congressional Letter I had to do for POSC and then I sat around and did nothing.  I realized that it was Monday and I had tons of reading to do.  Whoops.  I started reading for MSCO, but it was boring, so I decided to quit.  My logic makes sense though.  I have an advertising midterm on Friday, the reading was about pr, so the reading is detrimental to Friday's midterm.  

Katy, Amber, and I went down to get some dinner and were joined by Laura and Erin, and then Carl.  I can't remember the last time the 5 of us girls ate together.  No, I do.  It was raining.  After dinner I can't really remember what happened.  Maybe that's when I started reading... I don't know.

Songfest rehearsal was easy.  We learned a new song, went over the other two, and then I was done.  Tomorrow should be fun though.

Now I just finished reading for COM and I think I'm going to start on POSC.  I'll finish reading it tomorrow after my advising meeting and I'll write my analysis before class.

Waffles

My day started with waffles.  Katy and I woke up, got ready, and had waffles.  We didn't have anything to do this morning, so we were able to sleep in and ended up getting breakfast at 1.  I didn't really do much once we got back though.  The most productive thing I did was probably browse at my District's Representative and what committees she's on.  The rest of my day up until dinner was pretty much nothing.

Katy and I went to dinner about a quarter after 6 and then Laura, Erin, and Daniel came to join us.  We stayed there for about 2 hours just eating and talking.  We hadn't ate dinner together in a while, it's always me, Katy, and Amber, so tonight was a nice change.  Once we got back we just hung out until it was time for Songfest rehearsal.  Erin decided to join Katy's group, so Laura and I are stuck with Amber.  Amber didn't even go tonight though.  We finished up the dance we learned last night, split into our parts, and then learned a new dance.  I didn't have to learn the new dance, so I came back and took a shower.

Unfortunately, someone leaked the theme and DG knows what it is.  That sucks considering I've been ultra paranoid about it since it started.  And it sucks that Erin already knows and she's not even in our group.  Lame.

That's okay though.  It isn't my fault.  I'm doing my job.

loves it!

Today did not feel like a Saturday at all.  I fell asleep fairly quickly since Laura gave me a sleeping pill.  I'm not going to depend on that though.  I just knew I should fall asleep, but I wasn't sleepy.  That's the last time though.  But I slept great and woke up a little bit before 11.  I took a shower and did my hair, talked with Katy for a little bit, and then I was off to the basketball game.  

It was the last home game for the women's team, so all the seniors were honored.  It was cute.  I'm not sure if I want to continue to do pepp band next year.  I'll probably miss it, but I'm not friends with anybody and the director doesn't have a clue what's going on during the game.  I really miss playing for football games.  Laura and I just got done watching marching band videos.  Lame, but fun at the same time.  Anyway, we won.  It was a good game.

After the game I chillaxed for a little bit and then Laura and I went to mass at 5.  After mass I crashed and took a nap in her room since I didn't want to be asleep when Katy and Chris came back from dinner.  I think I fell asleep a little bit after 7 and woke up around 9.  It was a good one.  Then after I woke up I decided to get all decked out for songfest rehearsal.  We learned most of one of the dances tonight and it was super fun.  I never really danced before, but it's kind of like marching band.  But not really.  There's just a lot of 8 counts, and that's what marching band is.  8 counts.  I don't have the dance down yet, but I'll get it.  I'm super excited.  I just wish Katy could help me out, but I don't want to ask since she's in a different group and all.

After rehearsal, Laura and I worked on some of the dance, but then got sidetracked by marching band.  That's pretty much it.  I enjoyed my day.  I think tomorrow should go well too.  We're learning another dance at songfest rehearsal, so trying to learn and remember two will be interesting.  I can do it.  If I can remember 10 minutes of a marching band show, I can remember 5 songs and dances.

Right Now

Today went by kind of fast I think.  I can't really decide.

I woke up at 9 like I had planned and got ready for chapel.  I was super tired from last night, but it wasn't really that big of a deal.  I still got about 4 hours of sleep.  That's an okay amount.  Chapel was really good this morning.  I actually sang this time.  The speaker was good too.  He's a pretty funny guy.  After chapel Katy and I grabbed some smoothies up at the sandbar and headed back to Hayes with Laura after surfing around on the computers a little bit.  I did some laundry, printed out some homework, and then waited to go to lunch with Laura.  We decided last night to go to lunch together so she could take a picture of a pickle for me.  It was silly, but the pictures came out well.

My ad came out well too.  I'm happy with it.  It wasn't the best one in the class, but I'd say it was up there.  I still don't know what I want to do with my degree.  I don't know if I want to go into the advertising side, the marketing side, the business side, or what.  I have time to figure it out though, so I'm not too worried.

I was really hoping to take a nap after class since I was pretty tired, but I decided against it.  Isabela was coming over, so I didn't want there to be this big dead thing on the bed when she came.  It ended up that I could've taken a nap, but that's okay.  I had a Skype sesh with Rebecca instead.  I love that girl to death.  I miss her.  I'm glad we're not at the same school though.  We wouldn't have grown as much.  It'd be nicer if we were closer, but that's okay.  Which reminds me, I forgot to ask her about the whole transfer deal.

Katy got back from Songfest rehearsal a smidge after 9, I sat around for a bit, and then I went to rehearsal at 10.  We just went over two of the songs tonight.  I'm excited about it, but I don't think Erin is going to do it, Laura isn't all that excited about it, and then there's Amber.  I can't be stuck with Amber.  I'll do something bad and will have to go to Rio Hondo or Cerritos.  

I was so tired all day today, but now I'm wide awake again.  This isn't good.

Finished!

What a long day.

I wasn't able to fall asleep last night because I was stressing over everything I had to do today.  I think I ended up falling asleep around 2:30 or 3.

My alarm scared me this morning, but I woke up and got ready for class.  Erin was running behind, so I left her and Laura and headed for the caf for breakfast.  They had the biscuit sandwiches that I love, but the line was long and they weren't ready yet.  Daniel and Laura were sitting in our usual spot, but there were people at both ends of the row, so I just decided to sit in the back where I didn't have to squeeze past anyone.  After class I came back to my room and promptly fell back asleep.

I think I woke around 1 and was a little scared to see Katy lying on the floor in front of the door.  Not like Amber though.  Apparently she got light headed when she was about to shower, she lied down.  Good choice.  I've been getting dizzy and light headed lately, but that's kind of normal for me.  After I showered I got some reading out of the way for class tomorrow and then I was off to class.

POSC was not as brutal as it normally is.  There were times where it was dragging on, but for the most part, I think the class went by semi-quickly.  And I got an A on the multiple choice from the test on Tuesday.  I scored 20 points higher on this test than the last one.  I am kind of proud of myself.

After class Katy and I ate dinner and then I came back to meet Stephen.  I met him outside and we headed down to the fieldhouse for the women's basketball game.  I feel bad for them because nobody ever really goes to their games.  Erin and Daniel came for the first half and sat with us, but then it was just me and Stephen the second half.  I think he's a little awkward.  I'm not interested in going out with him.  Maybe hanging out like as friends, but that's it.

I had about an hour to chill out after the game, but that went by quickly too.  10 o'clock was song fest kickoff.  It's like this theatre-ish production with frats and sororities, and friends, and it seems like a lot of fun.  I'm in a non Greek group that seems super excited and enthusiastic, so I really think it's going to go well.  I'm just bummed out that Katy is in a different group.  Each group needs to keep their show a secret, so it'll be cool to finally see Katy's group when we all come together for dress rehearsal.

I got back from kick-off at about 11:45 and sat around for a good half hour.  Then I started on my ad.  It took me a while to get it started, since I had never used Photoshop before, but I finally figured it out.  It isn't quite finished yet, but I don't have much else to add and I finished the write up and everything.  Now, time for bed.

Waste of Time

I need a reset button.  Today was a waste.  I know it's not over and I can still be productive, but I don't think the next six hours will make up for the past 11.  

I don't remember why I woke up so early this morning, but I was wide awake so I didn't see much use of laying in bed until my alarm went off 40 minutes later.  I got out of bed, washed up, got back in bed and checked my e-mail and stuff, and then got ready for convo.  The speaker today was some guy that was on The Apprentice.  His story sounded good, but the way he came off and spoke didn't do much for me.  I got the impression that he was a cocky rich guy.  After convo I moved my car back up to RHO.  The walk up to my car sucked, but I guess it's better that I did it now rather than later.  And the parking I got in RHO was fairly decent too.

When I got back to my room I sat around for a little bit, and then Amber emerged.  She was still out of it and annoying as hell.  I don't know why I can't stand her.  She asked questions and apologized and popped in every now and then to say something stupid.  I was able to get my religion reading done by 1:30 and then I went to go grab some lunch before class, without Amber.  Amber wanted to eat, but I wasn't too fond of the idea of spending time with her.  Especially alone.  If Katy's around, I can somewhat behave myself.  I can't promise anything when it's just me.

REL seemed to drag on today.  Longer than usual.  At break I made the mistake of texting Nathan and asking him if he was going to the volleyball game.  He was clueless so I figured it'd be safe to go.  When I got back to class I started looking for pictures to do my ad that's due on Friday that I really should have started working on 2 weeks ago.  Whoops.  I also did some laundry, but because I was going to the volleyball game, I only did 2 loads opposed to 3.  I was planning on going by myself, but Katy said she'd go with me, so I felt a little better about going to the game.  Right as I was getting ready to go, Nathan texted me asking where I was.  My heart stopped and I felt my face go pale.  But he wasn't here so that made me feel a little better about going to the game.  I walked out the door to go to the game, by myself, but then immediately turned around and came back in my room.  I didn't want to go by myself to this too.

I should be used to doing things by myself.  I was an only child for 11 years, and I kind of still am considering my sister is my half sister, and I don't get close to anyone.  But I'm tired of it now.  I'm tired of doing things by myself.  I hate going places and doing things where everyone has friends and I'm there by myself.  It gets old.  Maybe I'm just being dramatic or maybe it's because I want to change.  And maybe that change is making me not want to be alone anymore?

Looking back, maybe today wasn't so much of a waste.  But I have yet to start my ad and I didn't do the third load of laundry that I would've liked to do.  I think I'm going to go read for POSC.  I don't really feel like reading in my room, so I think I'm going to go read on the bridge... or maybe I'll just sit here for a bit and then go read.

TBC...

**11:55

I read for POSC and sat around for the rest of the evening.  Still no ad.  If I was able to get Photoshop working, I'd probably be at least halfway done.  But I wasn't and I'm not.  I'll do it tomorrow sometime between class and song fest ish.  And Stephen just e-mailed asking what I was doing at 7, so maybe I'll be doing something with him too.  Idk.

I miss MJ.

**12:19

Stephen asked if I wanted to go to the basketball game.  I don't have time, but I like cheering on my team... with people.  I'll probably regret going since I will be up late or maybe not even sleep, but whatev.

Ironic

I can't really remember everything that happened today.  It feels so long ago.

I woke up this morning, a little after 10.  Katy's 10 AM was cancelled so she came back and we talked for a sec.  I showered and got ready for my day, watched The Secret Life of the American Teenager, and had some Honey Smacks before class.  Katy came back from her 12 o'clock class and we discussed our possible schedules for next semester and then I was off to class.

MSCO is my favorite class, but the last guest speaker we had and then the guest speaker that came today have just made it that much more enjoyable.  I am really excited about graduating and getting out into the field.  It sounds like a lot of hard work, but it also sounds like loads of fun.  But the two men that have come to speak to the class aren't really what I'm geared toward, so I don't know if all that fun stuff will apply to me.  IMC isn't all that popular yet, so I don't know exactly where I'll fit out in the real world once I graduate.  But hopefully I'll be making a sufficient amount of money wherever I am to help support my family and pay off my loans.

I don't really know what to make of the POSC test.  I think I did better on this multiple choice than I did on the last one, but I felt fairly confident on the last one and did poorly.  The essay, I'm not so sure about.  There was only so much I could BS, but hopefully I sounded smart enough to get away with a decent grade.  I need a decent grade.  I need a decent grade in COM too.  I don't think I'm learning anything in that class.  The professor doesn't even teach the class.  She taught maybe the first four classes, but not really considering her PowerPoint presentations are word for word the same as the book's website outline.  And now she's having the class teach.  I don't want to learn from my peers.  That's just stupid.

After class my suitemates and I headed down to the cafeteria for the freshman block party.  I was expecting more, but whatever.  I got a free shirt out of it.  I love free shirts.  I love free lots of things.  After the "block party" I talked to Erin for a little bit about high school dances.  I miss getting dressed up for them and I miss dancing with boys, but I don't miss all of the drama that dances cause.  Ugh...

After reading half of what I needed to for religion, Katy and I made another In-N-Out run.  We left a smidge before midnight, but I don't remember when we got there.  They had fries this time, so that was a nice little treat from last time.  I decided to go through Kanan Canyon on the way home this time.  It took longer, but it was prettier and more fun.  There are several tunnels, so when we got to them I stopped, rolled down the windows, and floored it.  Illegal and dangerous, but extremely fun.  

Parking once we got back to school was a bitch.  There weren't any spots in Towers, we saw Laura walking so we picked her up, she said there weren't any spots in RHO, there weren't any spots in Upsilon, so I dropped Katy and Laura off as close to Hayes as I could get them and I went in search for parking.  I ended up parking on the street down by the track.  I'll probably end up moving it after convo tomorrow.  Hopefully I'll be able to find a spot...

So every Tuesday there is a certain fraternity on campus that throws parties off campus.  I've been invited several times, but have only been once.  I would like to go again, but Amber gets invited now, and I don't want to go to a party with Amber.  Laura and Amber went tonight.  Laura was fine, she gave Katy and I the rundown when we picked her up in the parking lot, but she said that Amber wasn't.  Well... on my way back to Hayes I noticed two people sitting in front of the hall.  It was Amber and some guy.  He asked if I was from Hayes and asked what suite I was in, and since I live in the same suite as Amber, I agreed to take care of her.  It was the right thing to do.  I called Katy to open the door since I didn't have my key, and she helped me get Amber to her room.  Amber was fucked up big time.  She looked horrible, she smelled of alcohol, she couldn't walk, and she was speaking slurred spanglish.  I heard her puking in her room, so Laura and I gave her a trash can and some water.  I don't think that helped, but what else could we do?  It's a dry campus, she's under age, and we live with an RA.  We just thought it was funny that we're the two that dislike her the most, yet we were the ones trying to help her out.

RA Laura came by a little bit later and I thought for sure she would ask Katy and I about Amber.  She was snoring really loud, and I figured that might give it away, but Laura just though it was funny.  We acted as if it was funny too.  I mean, it is, but for different reasons.  Oh Amber.  I don't know how long it will be before she makes me snap.

Rice Pudding

I didn't have a title in mind, so Katy helped me out.  I was hungry, so I'm eating some arroz con leche.  I always think of Rebecca when I have rice pudding.  It was sophomore year, on a Friday, and Rebecca and I decided to stay at school until our call time before the football game.  We needed something to eat between the time we got out of school and 5:30, so we decided to go to Stater Brothers to find something to eat.  We ended up getting a rotisserie chicken, arroz con leche, and wax lips (another story).  We finished off the chicken and were well into the arroz con leche, but I just couldn't finish mine.  I probably had about one to two spoonfuls left, but I was bust.  Rebecca looked at how much I had left and told me that if I didn't finish, she would drop kick me.  She was going through a phase of drop kicking to solve problems during that time.  She never actually drop kicked anyone, but the thought was enough to get her way.  Anyway, I ended up forcing down those last spoonfuls.  So now whenever I have a tiny bit of food left, I think of her and try to force it down.

I didn't sleep all that well last night.  I fell asleep just fine, that hasn't been an issue as of late, but I woke up more than a few times.  I woke up maybe two or three times before 6, and then I seemed to wake up every half hour after that.  I wouldn't be awake for long, just long enough to look at my phone to check the time.  I got out of bed a smidge after 9, got ready for class, and then grabbed some breakfast with Erin before we had to sit through another early morning lecture.  I find the class fairly interesting, maybe because I took a similar class back in 9th grade, but Laura hates it with a passion.  I was still pretty tired when class got out, so I came back right away and fell asleep again.  I think I woke up around 1:30.

I don't think I did much of anything until around 4, when I started reading for MSCO and COM.  MSCO wasn't bad, but it just takes a long time.  COM on the other hand was long and boring.  I had to write an analysis too, but I didn't.  I'll write one in the morning if I remember.  I have to remember.  I procrastinated studying for POSC until 10 and I just finished up a little but ago.  I have a test tomorrow, and I have to do well on it.  It's an open-note test, and notes aren't my strong point, but I'm hoping they're good enough to serve me well.  I'm not so much worried about the multiple choice as I am the essay.  I don't know if I'll be able to BS my way to an A on that one.  Fingers crossed.

**2:09

I'm not tired.  I wrote my analysis though, so that's good.  At least I did something productive opposed to just lying in bed staring up at the ceiling.  

COM is making me realize, even more so, how bad of a communicator I am.  I know I don't talk to people as much as I should, about things that I should, but I am really messed up.  I guess all those years of not talking really got to me because I have no clue how to turn it around.  I know how I should be communicating, thanks to my COM book, but getting to that point is where I'm lost.  I need to build up to the point where I'd like to be, but I need a good foundation first.  I need help with the foundation.  I need help opening up and changing my depth perception.  I think the distance thing is the main problem.  I need to realize that I can be close to the people that are important to me, not the other way around.  I should feel comfortable around the people that mean the most to me, but instead I feel nervous and especially vulnerable with or without speaking.  That needs to stop.  It's okay to feel vulnerable sometimes, but I'd prefer not to.  I'd prefer to continue to keep everything inside and to myself, but that isn't healthy, nor is it how I want to be.

Things People Do

I woke up earlier than I had planned, but it worked out in my favor.  I woke up around 10:30 and started getting ready for my dad to show up at 12.  He left home way too early, so I figured he'd get here closer to 11:30 than noon.  I was right.  He and his family showed up early, but thankfully Katy was still asleep, so I was able to keep them away for the time being.  I met up with them in RHO and had to take my sister to the bathroom down at the Fieldhouse.  Typical little sister.  We went to OLM for mass, but were therea good 20 minutes early, so we got to hear the band go through everything.  Laura and Jordan went to mass at the same time and I was hoping they'd come sit by me to save me a little from the awkwardness, but they sat on the opposite side.  After mass we headed through the canyon for lunch.  I wasn't positive where we were going, but we ended up at BJs.  I scarfed down my French Dip and split a Pizookie with my sister.  When we finished up with lunch we headed back to school.  My sister and everyone else had their hearts set on seeing my room, so I brought them up and gave them the quickest tour that I could.  They didn't stay very long and were on their way out fairly quickly.

After they left I sat around for a bit, made some phonecalls, and sat around some more.  Nothing really happened the rest of the day besides Katy and I going down to the caf for food for later.  I'm really glad that we're roommates.  We don't really get to spend that much time together since we're always so busy, but when we do hang out, I definitely enjoy it.  And even when we're just doing our own thing in our room, it's nice knowing that she's right there if I need someone to talk to.  I feel bad about the whole openness/talking thing though.  I should be able to talk to her, but it's the distance thing too.  I distance myself from important people, and she's important.  I'll get over my stupidity one day and I'll be able to have the friendships that I've always wished I had.

I really don't want to go to class tomorrow.  But it's one class, for an hour and a half.  No biggy, right?

Valentine's Day

It didn't really feel like Valentine's Day or Single Awareness Day.  I think it was overshadowed by Homecoming.

I woke up around 11, was fed and showered by 12, and ready to go by 1:30.  Katy didn't get back until around 2, and she rushed to get ready and was down at the caf by 3.  I wasn't planning on going to the Homecoming tailgate, but Katy asked me to go, so I did.  I missed Katy's performance, but I caught of few of the Greek lip syncs.  I left about a quarter after 4 and headed down to the field house to get ready for the game.  We were supposed to start playing at 4:30, but there were only 7 of us there, so we waited for a bit.  I think we ended up with 9 people.  Pretty sad considering it was Homecoming and all, and it was televised, but we sounded okay, so that's all that matters.  And surprisingly, we won!  It was a really good game.  We were tied up at half time and we ended up winning by four.

By the time I had got back to my room I hadn't heard from Stephen, so I figured I would just stay in my room for the evening like I had originally planned on doing.  He finally e-mailed me back around 9:30 and we planned to meet up and go to the HAWC at 10.  We went to the HAWC and headed back to his room in Towers.  We watched Fargo, which I don't really plan on ever watching again, but it was okay.  He walked me back to Hayes when it was over, we hugged, and he kissed my hand.  Stephen is definitely a southern gentleman, with an adorable little Oklahoma drawl, but I really can't tell much else about him.  I don't know if I was making him nervous or if he's just kind of awkward.  Or maybe both.

I got back just past midnight and I watched the rest of SNL with Laura in the lobby.  She was down there when I got in, so I just stayed down there with her.  Now I'm all washed up and ready for bed.  Tomorrow's visit from my dad and family should be interesting...

And I was thinking about Aaron today.  I think about him and Daniel and other boys from time to time, but I think it being Valentine's Day had something to do with it.  I thought I loved him.  I told him I loved him and 2 weeks later he dumped me via txt msg.  Punk ass move for sure.  His parents even loved me.  I took the break up much harder than I should have, and it took me way too long to get over it, but I did.  But then he told me he wanted to try going out again.  I still had feelings for him, so I agreed.  That didn't work out either.  But I guess it was for the best.  We both changed a lot last year and it wouldn't have worked out.  Especially considering he's still in high school and I'm off in college.  No more younger boys.

Bittersweet

I don't really know how to describe today.  I'm thinking bittersweet kind of sums it up, but not really.  Today definitely had its ups and downs, and I can't decide whether the goods won over the downs.

I planned on going to convo this morning with Erin, Laura, and Laura's friend Kylie, but when my alarm went off this morning, I seriously considered skipping.  I saw that Katy wasn't around, so I figured, "if she got up, I can get up too."  So I did.  Erin, Laura, and Kylie were ready before I was, so I told them I'd meet them at the caf.  I made it down there right as they were leaving with their food.  I texted both Erin and Laura asking them where they were sitting, but I got no response.  There weren't any open tables, so I awkwardly sat across from some guy who later introduced himself as Ryan.  I doubt I will ever see him again.  I scarfed down my oatmeal and headed down to the chapel to wait for the girls.  I give people too much credit.  I have high expectations of people and they always seem to let me down.  I think I'm fairly dependable, but why isn't anyone else that way?  I'm not going to change though.  Dependability is a good trait to have.

It was raining from the end of convo up until class, so that put a damper on my day.  I love the rain and all, but I looked kind of nice today.  And I was sure the rain would mess up my hair.  It didn't.  I still look decent.  It was beautiful after MSCO, so I decided it would be worth making the trek down to check my mail.  My CDs from Danielle Ate the Sandwich came, so that was super exciting.  Katy and I listened to them up until Chris came to pick her up.  I was kind of hoping to go to the movies with Katy tonight, but I'm glad she and Chris are spending time together tonight.  Homecoming's tomorrow, so that doesn't leave too much time to be Valentine-y.

Laura and Kylie were going out to eat, which I was not invited to do, and Erin and Daniel were going to one of Daniel's frat brother's houses, which I was invited to.  I didn't really want to stay here, so I decided to tag along with Erin and Daniel.  We went out to eat at some hole in the wall Chinese place and then went next door to get some gelato.  It was cold, but tasty.  When we got back to the house, Erin and I had planned on baking cookies, but that didn't work out so well.  Erin was so excited to make these cookies, but stupid people ruined it for her.  We were making them just fine, but then people showed up to the house and wanted to help, and it got overwhelming and they were questioning everything, so we just let them do it.  I felt really bad for Erin.  We stayed and watched The Departed, which made no sense to me, and then we got back maybe a half hour ago.

The possible highlight of my day, the other possible highlight being the CDs, was the e-mail I got from Stephen.  We're Facebook friends now and we wrote on each other's walls today, but he sent me an e-mail kind of asking me out.  I don't know if it's really asking me out or not.  And I don't know how to respond to it.  I think I need to talk to Laura about it.

Crossing Paths

Today was wonderful.  I don't know why, but I"m really happy about how the day ended up.

HUM was particularly hard to handle this morning.  I find the class very interesting, but I'm always so tired that early in the morning.  And it isn't even that early, but still.  I had planned on falling back asleep when I got back to my room, but Katy was awake, so I decided against it.

I got in the shower like I had planned to last night, and I think that's what started my day off right.  It was a really nice shower.  I've noticed that I don't take all that long in the shower anymore.  Maybe it's the pressure of having other people use the same one or something.  I used to take 20-30 minute showers at home, but I take 10-15 minute ones here.

I sort of just putzed around online and messed around with my future schedule until Katy left for class.  My hair had dried funny since I didn't put any curly stuff in it, so I decided to straighten it.  I think I like my hair better when it's straight.  But I also like it when it's wavy.  But the nice wavy, like when I try to make it look nice.  Laura kept me company, or vice versa rather, until I had to go to class.  

I seriously do not know what's going on in POSC.  We have a test on Tuesday and I just pray that I do better than I did on the last test.  I have to do some serious studying and maybe write out some better notes.  We can use our notes for this test, so hopefully that will help me out a little bit.  Too bad I never pay attention in that class.

After class Katy and I split up for the game.  I had about an hour to kill, so I surfed around online again.  The first half of the game went like all of the men's basketball games do.  We were losing.  After Katy and the rest of the dance team performed, I was hoping Katy would come up and join me for the rest of the game since I was yet again by myself, but she didn't.  She had to study though, so it's understandable.  But Stephen joined me.  He sat with me for the rest of halftime and we chatted a little bit.  I think I want to get to know him better, but I'm not sure.

After the game I started reading for MSCO, but my hunger got the best of me.  I made it about halfway through and then I decided to go to Ralphs.  I picked up some things and on the way back to Hayes I ran into Stephen again.  I think something is destined to happen between us.  Idk what, but something.  Why else would I see him practically everywhere?

Take Me Away

I'm on a roll!  I was able to sleep last night!  But before I went to sleep I did some studying like I was supposed to, but then I took a little break.  Katy and I were discussing how hungry were when I suggested we go to In-N-Out.  It was around 11:30, so we had plenty of time to go.  It was a little disappointing that they didn't have fries, but the burgers were delish.  We had some laughs and headed back home.  I don't know when I finished studying, but I felt comfortable enough to stop and go to bed.  And go to bed I did =]

My phone was acting up last night and it took forever to set it in a way that it would charge, so I didn't want to touch it.  That meant no alarm.  But Katy was nice enough to wake me up this morning.  We went to convo and then hung out here until we had class.  I feel pretty confident about my REL test.  There were two questions that I really had no clue about, and I think I did an okay job of BSing the essays.  2 short essays and 1 long essay is a lot for a simple unit test.  I'm sure I'll be able to keep my A in the class though.  I need this A.

After class I just hung out in my room and was planning on going to the LSA meeting at 7 so eat and get a sweatshirt.  That didn't happen.  Courtenay asked if I wanted to go out for Pinkberry, so I agreed on the condition that we would be back by 7.  It looked like we'd be back by 7 until we got closer to Santa Monica.  Traffic on PCH was terrible.  Traffic on Ocean Ave. wasn't much better either.  No way was I making it to that meeting.  Because of the traffic, we bypassed the Pinkberry on the Promenade and went to a different one.  I'm not a fan of Pinkberry, but Courtenay had me try their green tea flavor, and I very much approved.  We drove around exploring for a good while until we decided we wanted to see He's Just Not That Into You.  We wound up at the Promenade and went to buy tickets, but the movie had started at 7:10 and it was 7:40.  The next one started at 9:20, so we walked down to see if it was playing at a differnt theatre.  It wasn't.  We walked back towards the other theatres and decided to watch the Uninvited.

I liked it.  I wasn't a huge fan of the ending though.  It didn't really make all that sense and it left me wanted way more answers than what was given.  The whole way back to school up until we parted ways at Crocker, Courtenay and I were trying to make sense of the movie.  Our logic isn't all that logical, but it's fun.

I got back to my room a little after ten and I've been surfing around and trying to figure out the rubix cube Katy got me for my birthday.  I can solve for the colours no problem, but because there are pictures, it's more challenging.  I was finally able to figure it out.  It took me 20 minutes.

I can't decided if I should take a shower or not.  I probably should, but it's late.  But I don't want to take one in the morning.  I know.  It'll rain in the morning, so I don't have to look cute anyways.  I'll just throw on some jeans and a sweatshirt and I'll take a shower when I get back.  That's the plan.

**12:50

So for the past several days the door to the bathroom has been squeaking.  It wasn't that big of a deal at first, but it's become a huge problem, especially considering our room is directly across from the door.  You can hear it whenever it opens or closes.  The other day Katy and I were joking about rubbing butter on the hinge to fix the noise.  Well, tonight it kind of became too much to handle.  I suggested we try to use some random spray butter that's been in the common room for weeks, so we did.  It was messy, but the door doesn't squeak anymore.  According to Chris, Katy and I are like McGyver. 

Everyone's At It

Typical Tuesday.

I was able to fall asleep again last night.  I love being able to fall asleep quickly and stay asleep, but I feel tired all day.  Before when I had trouble falling asleep, I'd wake up kind of early and I wouldn't be tired until later, but I would be really tired.  Unfortunately that disappeared as soon as I would lie down.  I can't win them all.  I like this situation better anyway I think.

I woke up around 11, ate some Pops, showered, printed what I needed to print for class, watched the Secret Life, and then started my day.  MSCO was okay.  We had a guest speaker for the second half of class that was really interesting to hear from.  He owns his own marketing firm and was giving us insight on the business.  POSC was boring as always.  I don't feel like I'm learning anything in that class.  I'd like to think I'm learning from the book, but I don't think I am.  And I can hardly pay attention in class with Laura constantly talking to me and doodling on my papers.  I don't mind, but I do mind at the same time.  I could be paying attention and possibly learning things, but I'm not.

COM today was interesting.  For the next several weeks groups of students are going to be teaching the class.  My group was the first to present today.  I don't know how other people feel, but I don't want to be learning material I barely understand from peers that probably don't understand it either.  I think it's a stupid plan on the professor's part.  And she even gets her outline from the book's website.  I'm not paying 50 grand to learn from people that don't know what they're talking about.  Regardless of my incompetency, I feel good about my group's presentation.

We got out class early again today, around 8, and I've been surfing around online and on i-tunes ever since I've been back in my room.  There was supposed to be a party tonight, but it got cancelled.  I was debating on whether I should go or not because I like going out, but there were some people going that I really didn't want to hang out with and because I have a test tomorrow that I should be studying for.  I don't think the test will be very hard, but I should still study for it.  I should probably get on that.

Agenda Suicide

I slept well again last night.  Maybe a little too well.  I had planned on getting up at 8:45 so I'd have time to do something with my hair if I felt like it.  I woke up at 8:43 and figured I wouldn't fall back asleep, so I turned my alarm off.  Bad choice.  The sound of someone in the shower woke me up at 9, so I jumped out of bed to get ready for my day.  I had time to do my hair, but it was kind of rainy out, so I opted to just put mousse in it and hope for the best.  Laura went down to the HAWC and bought me some hot chocolate and when Erin was ready we went to the caf to get food.  I got in line for a sourdough sandwich, but they were taking forever so I didn't get to class until 10:10.  When I got there I was a little disappointed to find out that all we were doing was getting our tests back.  I got a 92 which I am pretty proud of.  After scraping all of the melted cheddar cheese from my sandwich, Erin and I went back to the hall since Laura left us.  Katy was still asleep so I chose to surf around online in the common room until she woke up.

A little after 1 I started reading for MSCO.  I love that class, but the textbook is massive and it's a slow read.  I bet I'm one of the few people in my class that actually read.  I'd like to think that it helps, but I don't know anymore.  After I finished reading for MSCO I took a break until 3:30 and then started reading for POSC.  That read was brutal.  I wanted to fall asleep, but didn't want to stop until I finished reading.  At 5:50 I was interrupted.

*Side note:  The cards that were in my mailbox last night said that there would be "more to come next week."  I was bugging Katy, Laura, and Erin last night and this morning about it, but they didn't tell me anything.  It turns out that they had planned a dinner for tonight.  

I had planned on lounging around and doing homework all day, so I didn't look cute at all, and then Erin comes busting in trying to get me to leave.  I was in no mood.  I had ten minutes to try to look somewhat decent which didn't really happen.  We ended up going to Marmalade down in the country mart.  The food was good, but I wasn't all that hungry.  I appreciated the gesture and everything, but I really wasn't down for anything tonight.  I had too much to do.

As soon as we got back I noticed that Courtenay had called.  Our group was meeting at 7 and it was 7:40.  I booked it to the library and worked with them until about 8:30.  And guess who was at the library.  That guy!  So I finally mustered up the courage to talk to him.  Nothing special.  Just introductions.  Maybe we'll have a real conversation one day.

When I got back to my room I finished reading for POSC, read for COM, and then wrote two papers over on the bridge.  I need to practice for my presentation tomorrow... I don't want tomorrow to be as full as I know it will be.  I just want to sleep and get done what I need to get done.

Hello Tomorrow

To my surprise, I was able to fall asleep last night.  I probably fell asleep within 15 minutes of closing my eyes.  I was super tired, but that hasn't made a difference before, so I don't know if that was the reason this time or if talking to Katy really did help.  Hopefully this falling asleep deal isn't just a one night only kind of thing.  I'd really like to be able to fall asleep tonight.  I've been fighting the urge to fall asleep for hours, so that should help me out tonight.

I woke up with the idea that Erin, Laura, and I would go to DIF together for Katy's last show, but that's not what happened.  I could have called that one.  They were getting ready to go to Laura's house as I was getting ready to go to DIF.  We left at the same time, a little after 1, but I needed to make a quick run to the florist to get some flowers for Katy.  I had originally planned on getting contact solution from CVS, but the flowers trumped my eyes.  I booked it back to school and was seated with 7 minutes to spare.  My seat wasn't all that great compared to where I sat on Thursday, but I could still see just fine.

From 4 up until about an hour ago I had been surfing around online doing my best not to pass out at my desk.  I've been doing a great job about not using my bed for anything.  I've just been using it to sleep.  At around 20 til 7 I went to go get some dinner.  Nothing special.  I ate by myself and had the strange notion to check my mail.  I had 2 cards.  One from Erin & Laura and one from the suite... kind of.  Cute.

I can't help but feel that this weekend was kind of a waste.  A lot of things happened in a completely different way than I had expected them to go.  That's life for you though.  Whatev.

Twisted Logic

Today's been one of the best days I've had in a while.  I'm definitely enjoying it.

So last night Erin & Laura and Katy & I watched The Women which wasn't really what I thought it was, but I still liked it.  I probably would have enjoyed it more if I was older, but whatev.  We finished sometime around midnight and Erin & Laura went to bed right away since they're normally in bed by 11, but I wasn't tired so I went and sat in the stairwell again.  Katy came and joined me after a while which was nice.  I really like it in there.  Good thinking spot.

Laura came home a little bit after Katy came and sat with me, so she was venting to us about her evening and her boy issues.  Oh boys.  They're silly.  As soon as Laura left Katy asked me to tell her my story, but I made up an accuse like always.  We went back to our room and I tried to fall asleep, but I was trying to convince myself to talk at the same time, so I had to choose one or the other.  Surprisingly, I chose to talk.  It was pretty scary and difficult, but I'm glad I did it.  Maybe I'll be able to sleep now that I'm not stressing over it anymore.  Hopefully.  We stayed up talking til around 4 and we woke up a little after 10.

Katy was supposed to go to breakfast with her parents, but they were stuck at the airport, so that didn't work out.  I suggested we make a quick run down to Coogies, so that's exactly what we did.  I thought it was pretty funny that we were at Coogies on a Saturday afternoon eating pancakes, but I definitely wasn't complaining.  I am not one to complain about good food and great company.  Katy needed to be back by 12:30, so I dropped her off and I went to go park.  I probably won't see her until tonight after DIF or later, depending on what I end up doing tonight.

I've been spending the whole afternoon doing laundry, but it doesn't feel as late as it is.  I need to figure out whether I should go to the movies by myself when I'm done, or if I should wait for Erin to finish her laundry, since Laura isn't coming after all.  Hmm...

TBC...

**1:32 

When I finished my laundry I reorganized all of my clothes, which was easier than I was expecting.  I put away stuff that I knew I wouldn't wear, making more room for the things I do wear.  Easier access I guess.  At around 4:30 I decided to go to mass tonight so I wouldn't have to wake up early or rush to get back in time for DIF.  I don't have a ticket as of now, but I'll get one tomorrow.  I'm fine with going by myself.  

Speaking of doing things by myself, I went to see Coraline tonight.  I was a little bummed that I went by myself, but I enjoyed the movie nonetheless.  It was definitely way too scary for little kids.  Throughout the movie random kids would be saying stuff like that they wanted to go home, or they didn't like this movie, and stuff like that.  I was sitting towards the front so I don't know if it happened behind me, but from where I was sitting, I saw several families get up and leave.  Poor kids.

I didn't really feel like going back to school just yet, so I popped into AEO since it was just right across the street.  I had originally planned on getting this tank with a vest outfit dealio that I saw on a mannequin, but I couldn't find the vest, so that scratched that idea.  I ended up getting some more dun-dah-duns, a polo, a necklace, and some earrings.  I spent way too much money, but I'm happy with what I got.

I made it back a little after 10, messed around on the computer for a while, and then went to go watch SNL down in the lobby.  Not a very good one this week.  I'm a little disappointed.  It wasn't all that great last week either.  It better be good next week.  Especially since I won't have anything else to do for Valentine's Day.  Lame.  Whatev.

I'm a little yawny tonight, so maybe that means I'll be able to fall asleep.  I knew talking would help.  But if not, I'm so down for sleeping pills.

All we Know

Last night was a little better, but not really.

I went to bed around 12:15 and stared at the ceiling until 12:45.  I knew I wasn't going to be falling asleep anytime soon so I got out of bed and sat in the stairwell again until 2.  I stayed on this side of Hayes this time.  I thought about going over to the other side again, but didn't really feel like venturing over that way.  When I started to yawn somewhat frequently I figured it was time to try sleeping again.  I'm pretty sure I was asleep soon after that because when I came back in the room Katy was still on her computer and I was asleep before she went to bed.  At least it's a start.  I just don't want my body getting used to falling asleep an hour or more after I lay down.  That's not the way it's supposed to work.

This morning was extremely chill.  It was raining again so I took my time getting ready and I was able to get some reading done before class.  Laura came in and broke the news that we aren't going to see Coraline tonight.  I have to admit, I'm pretty bummed out about it.  I had planned on going to see it by myself in the first place as a little birthday treat for myself, but then Erin and Laura wanted to come too.  They both have stuff going on tonight, so they want to postpone Coraine until tomorrow night.  Whatev.  No big deal.  I need to do something tonight though.  I don't want to be stuck here.  I could either go to the movies by myself to see Slumdog Millionaire or He's Just Not That Into You, I could go see DIF by myself, or I can stay here and find something to do.  I have to do something.

Rebecca and I got into a little argument via Skype this afternoon.  I brought my laptop to class, which I never do, so of course I was signed onto Skype.  As I was checking Myspace, I noticed that Rebecca had mentioned something in her status about transferring schools next year.  She was signed on to Skype, so I asked her about it.  We eventually got on the subject of her being a lawyer but she doesn't really want to because she "wants to get into heaven."  So I started talking about how we wouldn't have a law school if lawyers didn't get into heaven.  And then it turned into a mini argument about what type of people go to Pepperdine and what kind of school Pepperdine is.  I don't think she was intentionally trying to make a dig at me, but it was a little offensive.  No hard feelings though.  I'm not the one who holds grudges.

TBC... 

**10:22

I didn't end up doing anything tonight after all.  I debated going to DIF again, but chose to take a shower instead.  I'm going on Sunday though.  That's normally how I do things anyway.  If my friends are in something I normally go to the first show and the last one.  Like bookends.  When Erin and Laura came back I was in their room talking to them when Erin jokingly said, "Let's go to Mal Yo in our sweats."  We had 20 minutes to get down there which was plenty of time since Laura was driving.  We may not had made it if I drove.  It was a cute spur of the moment kind of deal.  Right after we got back, Katy came home, and now the four of us are going to watch The Women in our room.  I still hope we go see Coraline tomorrow night though.  I'll be bummed out if we don't.

Conspiracy

I was so tired all day yesterday right?  And I was so looking forward to falling asleep easily and sleeping soundly.  I figured I'd be asleep by midnight.  Didn't happen.

I went to bed at 9:45 and set my i-pod sleep timer for 60 minutes.  I was in that state where I was almost asleep but I was still aware of the sounds around me, and I was still in that state when my i-pod shut off.  Okay, so it was 10:45.  I was still sleepy and figured I'd be asleep by midnight.  Not.  I tried so hard to fall asleep, I just couldn't.  I knew it was midnight because my phone's light was going on, indicating birthday messages from people.  I tired for another hour until I couldn't take it anymore.  I got out of bed at 1:08 and went downstairs to watch TV.  There was a couple down there, so I just went and sat in the stairwell until 2:15.  I went back to my room to try and get some sleep, but I didn't fall asleep until after 3.  I woke up at 7, but I knew I had a good hour and a half left, so I fell back asleep.

It's seriously a problem.  I'm sick of lying awake for hours at night hoping to eventually fall asleep.  And it sucks because I know if I were to lay down right now, I'd be asleep in a matter of minutes.  I really would like to sleep now, but I think that would just mess with my sleep cycle even more.  And I have class in an hour and a half.  I hope I don't fall asleep tonight for Dance in Flight.  I'm definitely looking forward to it.

TBC...

**11:07

Dance in Flight was awesome!  Katy is pretty damn awesome too.  My mom was stuck in traffic for forever so she got there right after the second half was starting.  I didn't get to spend too much time with her, but it was nice seeing her for a little bit.  She brought me some gifts that my family had got me, so that was nice.

Overall my birthday went well.  It wasn't great due to my lack of sleep and being stuck inside due to the rain, but it definitely wasn't a bad one.  Hopefully I get to sleep tonight.

Anchors Away

Again, I had trouble sleeping last night.  There seems to be an array of things wrong with me lately.  It started off with my difficulty breathing.  I have asthma, but it's never been a huge problem aside from when I was in track in high school.  And even then it was just towards the beginning of the season.  For the past week or two I've noticed that I've been having difficulty breathing and the my chest feels like there's someone sitting on it.  It feels kind of like I'm a goldfish out of water trying to breath.  It isn't all that fun.  And then for the past few days I've been getting these instances where I get a sharp pain in the left side of my chest kind of around my heart which is a little alarming.  It feels like the kind of sharp pain you get when you get a cramp in your side, but in your chest.  No good.  I'm sure it's just asthma though.  My heart's fine.  With the sleeping thing, it's been a little over a week and it's started to get annoying.  I dislike lying in bed for hours trying to fall asleep.  I can be using that time for homework or something.  I know I should be asleep, but I feel bad about wasting all of that time.  I looked up reasons for insomnia last night and the only reasons that could possibly apply to me were anxiety, stress, and depression.  I haven't been depressed at all since I've been here, so that probably crosses that one out.  So stress and anxiety.  I haven't had too much to be stressing about lately.  I've been getting my work done and it's not like I'm going to flunk out or anything.  As far as anxiety goes, I think that might be the culprit.  I haven't been able to sleep since I've been planning on talking to Katy.  And I've been pretty worried about talking, so that may be it.  Last night I figured that once I talk to Katy I'll be able to fall asleep.  I really need to get it over with.

I should be able to fall asleep tonight though.  I woke up super early.  I was planning on waking up at 8, going down for some breakfast, going to convo, and then going to LensCrafters, but it didn't turn out that way.  Katy needed to be at dance at 8, so she woke up around 7 I think, but she didn't turn her alarm off.  It went off around a quarter after, so I had to get up and turn it off.  I figured I might as well stay up, so I've been up since then.  I'm already tired.  I think it's good that I woke up early though.  And the caf magically knew I'd be getting breakfast today because they had the biscuit sandwiches this morning.  Yum!  Convo was boring and I don't really remember what the point was, but it had something to do with NOW.  And LensCrafters didn't happen.  I went to go put gas in my car, and there was an optometrist.  They glued my glasses and I was back in Hayes by noon.  

My bed's been tempting me since this morning, but I'm going to try to only use my bed for sleeping.  All of my reading or computer use will be either at my desk or in the common room on the couch.  My bed is for sleep.  And I can't take naps for more than 15 minutes.  That's not appealing to me, so no naps at all.  If I can make it through today without napping, I can for sure fall asleep.  I may even go to bed early.  We'll see what happens.

TBC...

**9:28

The rest of my day has been brutal.  I've wanted to fall asleep so badly.  My three hour religion class was the worst.  Most of the time the lights were off since we watched a few movie clips, so the darkness just made me want to go to sleep even more.  After class I rushed over to get my mail before they closed and I got there right in time.  My package from Hollister came.  I'm so glad I get to wear something new tomorrow.  I always wear something new on my birthday.  Anyways... after I got back I really didn't have anything to do so I called my grandma and talked to her and my mom and then I talked to Rebecca over Skype.  I miss her.  My meeting for my group project went well.  The girls I'm working with are all really nice.  And it helps that I already knew Courtenay and that we already have that kind of friendship where we can goof off and still be serious at the same time.  The meeting went longer than I had expected, but at least we got stuff done.  When we finished I went over to the caf to get some dinner and I took a shower as soon as I got back to Hayes.  I'm super tired.  I think I'm going to go to bed pretty soon.  I seriously doubt I'll have any trouble with falling asleep tonight.

Gleaming Auction

I've always written at the very end of my day until I started blogging on Blogger.  I'm writing differently than I did before Blogger, so I don't mind that I've been writing more than once in a day.  If I feel the need to write something, I'll go ahead and write it.  What if I forget later?

Last night I forgot to write about how excited I am for Coraline on Friday.  I never read the book, but as soon as I heard about it and found out it was directed by Henry Selick, I knew it was going to be good.  I've been reading up on it and went through the website yesterday, and it just got me more excited about it.  I was planning on going to go see it Friday by myself, since I figured everyone else would be busy or not want to see it, but Erin read the book and she said she'd go with me.  I was glad that I wouldn't be going by myself and that she was going with me.  We haven't really hung out this semester since our schedules are different and because she's always with Daniel.  But Erin's not the only one going.  Laura wants to go too, which is perfectly fine.  The more the merrier.  Maybe Laura will drive.  I don't mind driving, but if I don't have to, I don't really want to.

I just downloaded a trial version of Photoshop so I could make my advertisement that's due on Friday, but I have no clue how to use Photoshop.  I know how to use InDesign from yearbook last year, but not Photoshop.  Hopefully Laura will help me out a bit.  I doubt I'll have time to work on it at all today though.  Today's my busy day.

I decided not to write my analysis for COM and just write one every week here on out.  Lazy I tell you, lazy.  I have class straight from 2-9ish and then I have reading to do for REL.  I don't mind reading for REL, I find it quite interesting, but I normally have a lot to do and it gets tiring.  But maybe that's what I need.  I couldn't fall asleep again last night.  I tried.  I even went for a walk for about 20 minutes until around 3, but that didn't help at all.  I really enjoyed it though.  It was wonderful outside.  I sat at the tables above the track for a little bit and tried to convince myself to talk to Katy.  I didn't talk to her last night.  I had plenty of opportunities, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.  Maybe, just maybe, I'll talk to her tonight.  It really isn't that big of a deal.  I just need to talk.  Plain and simple.

TBC...

**11:26

My glasses decided to break again.  They decided to break pretty much as soon as I got back to campus after winter break, but Katy bought me some Krazy Glue to fix them.  And they've been fixed up until several minutes ago.  I need my glasses for when I don't have my contacts in, since I can hardly see at all when I have neither, so I need to go down to Lens Crafters ASAP.  I think I'm going to go to the one in Santa Monica tomorrow between convo and class because I really don't want to have to go on my birthday.  That would kind of suck.

The rest of my day was nothing special.  Just class.  And I saw that guy again.  We are for sure making eye contact and smiling now, so it's definitely time to talk to him.

Written in the Sky

"Words could never make up for what you do."

Oh how I wish words could make up for everything.  I'm fairly good with words.  Writing them down anyway.  Not so much speaking them.

I did not do anything remotely productive this weekend and I should have.  Now I have so much to do tonight and no motivation to do it.  I have a meeting at 6, a Powerpoint for that meeting, reading for my 3 classes tomorrow, a paper, and an ad due Friday that I need to get started on.  This semester is much more work than last semester, but I can handle it.  I just need to buckle down and do it.  My future depends on it.  I need to buckle down and do well.  Sitting around and hoping for the best was my method in high school, but I can't get away with that here.

My POSC test last week didn't go nearly as well as I had hoped.  I ended up getting a 72 when I thought for sure I would get a B.  But POSC isn't my cup of tea.  But still.  That just shows me that I need to pay more attention and work harder than I'm working now.  My HUM test this morning went well I think.  I'm not sure when we're getting our tests back, but I feel pretty confident about it.  History is more interesting to me than politics, so hopefully I'll do better.  I need to do better in everything.  I need to get my GPA up to at least a 3.2 to get into the major I want.

Today, I will tell Katy my story.  I'll suck it up and spill everything no matter how much I don't want to.  I'll be upset with myself if I don't do it tonight.  I should have last night since I couldn't fall asleep again, but I didn't.  I thought about it, but I didn't.  I should have.  I will.  It isn't that big of a deal.  I was a completely different person last year, I made mistakes, learned from them, and here I am today.  A better person.  And I'll feel better after spilling.  It's the distance thing though.  I still have a warped idea that keeping myself away from the people I care about is the safest thing to do.

I should probably start working on stuff now...

TBC...

**1:49

I buckled down even though I didn't want to.  I got most of my work done.  I made that Powerpoint and went to that meeting, and I read for my 3 classes.  MSCO was brutal, all about newspapers, and POSC was 50 pages of boring Bill of Rights stuff.  But hey, I need to read and pay attention if I want to get better grades this semester.  I need to get better grades.  My mom even told me today that I need to do well so I don't end up like everyone else.  I usually hate reading for COM because I don't quite understand what's going on, but I LOVED it today.  I completely understood both theories discussed and one in particular is how I want my relationships to be.  It was like a map of how I need to communicate with people in order to get the relationships that I want.  I know what I want, I just need to get my act together and get what I want.  I can fix it.

But I don't think I'm talking to Katy tonight.  If she asks, I'll give her the irrelevant relevant background history that coincidentally coincides with the theories that I just finished reading.  I'll save the actual story for later.

No sleeping in in the morning.  I have to get crackin on stuff.  Fo' shizz.

Colorado Sunrise

I started my day around 11 and it pretty much just flew by.  I took my sweet time getting ready this morning, but made it down to OLM in time for mass.  I was out in less than an hour, not that that should matter anyway.  

I don't know if I'm kidding myself with this whole going to church every weekend thing.  Ever since I can remember I would go either once or twice a month... if at all.  With all of the crap that happened last year I figured that getting into Pepperdine was a sign that I needed to turn my life around.  I knew I had turned away from God and I took this as a sign that I needed to reconnect with him.  I promised myself that in order to help me do this I would go to mass every weekend (I've only missed 1 due to my SLO trip), but is it really necessary?  Is it really doing me any good?  I feel closer to God and I feel like a better person, but I don't know if going to church every weekend is helping me with that.

After mass got out I made a quick run to Ralphs to get some basics, like milk, and I just so happened to run into Shwayze or however the heck you spell it.  That's two celebrity sightings so far.  Last weekend it was Martin Sheen, this weekend Shwayze.

I was back around 2 and sat around for what didn't seem like 4 hours, but was 4 hours.  I fell asleep for a good hour and a half and I've been sitting around since about 8.  I have a humanities test that I need to study for, but I just don't feel like it right now.  I told myself 10:45, but we'll see how that stands.

Oh yeah!  I fell asleep right away last night.  It was really nice.  And I got out of telling my story.  I'll tell it eventually.  Maybe the next time I'm asked... or not.  Whatev.