New Year's Eve

I didn't sleep all that well, I woke up to coyotes at like 3, and every hour after that, but I wasn't too terribly tired when I got to work. Work wasn't anything special. It wasn't slow, but it wasn't all that busy either. Oh, and Tim stepped down from shift. So it's looking like Jesse and I will get promoted faster than we thought. But I don't know. Maybe not. I ended up staying a few minutes late and was home a little after 3.

I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to keep myself busy and thought about going to get Daniel, several times, but I ended up going out to dinner with Tim. He's a good guy, but I'm never going to see him as more than that. I think he knows that, but it doesn't stop him from trying to change my mind. After some chatting, I came home and took one last look at 2010.

I truly believe 2011 will be my best year yet.

December 30

Scout woke me up at 6 again, but I was able to fall right back asleep. She's been jumping up at the break between our curtains. I don't get it. I finally woke up for real a little before 10 and called to get a plumber to check out our shower. "We'll send someone between 10 and 12." So I got ready and waited. And I finished sorting music. And I waited some more. They didn't show by 12. I was going to call again at 2, but then I got a call at 1:20 saying that a technician was on their way. Our shower is now fixed.

I spent the rest of the day catching up on TV, I did some laundry, and I even read a little bit.

December 29

It had been sunny and windy for the past few days, but when Scout woke me up at 6, it was pouring. I think the sound of the rain on the roof helped wake me up too. I went back to sleep and didn't end up waking up until 11. AWESOME. I spent what was left of the morning and the first bit of the afternoon being introspective and thought a lot about 2010. To my pleasant surprise, I didn't allow myself to get to the point where I dwell on all the bad stuff and end up mad at myself. I thought about the bad stuff, but I realized there was no use dwelling on it. It happened. So what?

I had a doctor's appointment at 3:30 which took forever. I had to get an EKG, I've lost count of how many I've had to have, and I need to go back within the next 2 weeks, but I'm fine. Don't worry.

I ran some errands when I finally got out and spent the evening talking to Daniel on the phone. And my decision has been made. We're staying friends. I just need to let him know that.

December 28

I was just about to go to bed, but then I realized I hadn't written anything for the day. My bad.

Opening for the third day in a row wasn't too bad since it was with Yeltsin. It was super slow until around 10, and I was hoping to go home early again so I could sleep, but I had a meeting scheduled after my shift at 12, so I had to stay. I had a meeting with Amariah about taking on some more responsibilities at work to better prepare me for a supervisor position. I am now in charge of merchandising and am going to take a class on how to train people. After I get the 3 newbs to where they need to be, I'll be considered to be a shift supervisor. I can handle it. My meeting was scheduled until 1, but it finished at 12:30 and I thought I could go home, but I ended up going back to work until 1:30. Of course. But I left early for a few days, so I guess it's okay.

I thought about taking a nap when I got home, but it was already the afternoon, so I decided against it. I caught up on some TV and chipped away at some music for the rest of the day and much of the evening instead.

December 27

Opening day 2. I realized today that once I've been up for an hour and a half, I'm fine. It's just that first bit that sucks. Things were super slow at work, so instead of staying until 12:30, I stayed until 8:30. It's nice that I get to come home and sleep, but it sucks that my shift isn't worth waking up at 4 and that's money I'm not getting.

I came home and slept until around 10:30 and felt really weird when I woke up. Like I was too heavy to move. It was weird. But I snapped out of it and kind of got ready for the rest of the day, but my bed was so nice. And Scout was all cuddly.

I finally set out around 2 to Santa Monica, but all the parking structures were full and I didn't feel like circling around a bajillion times, so I hopped on the freeway and figured I'd end up at a mall. Traffic. I eventually made it to the mall in Topanga, but I pretty much got out of my car, checked the directory, and got back into my car. Sorry excuse for a mall. I then went all the way to Thousand Oaks and kind of struck out there too. I wasn't finding what I needed to find.

I stopped by work on the way home and then spent the evening shopping online for Christmas presents and books.

December 26

I tried to go to bed pretty early so I wouldn't get too bummed about being alone on Christmas, but it didn't really turn out that way. I didn't go to bed all that early and I couldn't fall asleep. And when I did fall asleep, I kept waking up. It was less than ideal, but I wasn't any more tired than usual when I woke up.

I opened with Amariah, who was late, and another newb, Rob. He's the "bro" type, a graphic design major at Santa Monica, from Sacramento, and broke up with his girlfriend on Christmas. He had no problem telling me about his life. He wasn't feeling all that well, so he left before the sun came up. Amber and Candice showed up at 8 and because things were slow, I got to leave at 9:30. I was scheduled until 11, so that was nice. I came home and napped, although I didn't mean to, and then got ready for after Christmas shopping.

I was planning on going to Camarillo and figured I'd take PCH all the way up, the scenic route, only north PCH was closed, so I went up the nearest canyon thinking it would get me to the other side. And it did. 45 minutes later. It was like Corral Canyon, only way more windy, not as pretty, and a little scary since the road was narrow and there were boulders everywhere. I eventually made it out in Westlake. I lost some time, but was back on track. I ended up getting a few things for myself, headed over to Target, and thought about going to The Oaks, but it was close to 7 and the stores would be closing at 7, so I just came home and had dinner with the wittles.

The rest of the evening consisted of music sorting and internet surfing. Loads of fun.

Christmas

So I finally got tired enough and got ready for bed and then the last 2 of my grandparents' friends left. Then everyone else got ready for bed. My mom and I were cleaning up a bit since my grandparents weren't going to do it, and then they started getting even more silly. I have never seen them that drunk before. But it wasn't an Amber drunk. They were still aware of what was going on. It was just really funny/amazing to watch. As they were finally on their way to bed, the doorbell rang. At this point it was almost one. It was the last 2 friends that left. They had forgotten a jacket, but they stayed and had more tequila. More. Tequila. Until 3. I was so tired, but I couldn't fall asleep because they were being so loud. But I couldn't go in there and tell them to go home. They finally left and I finally got some sleep.

My mom and I woke up at 9, but my grandparents were already up and about by then. They said that they were never going to drink again, but then they just laughed. And my mom and I told them stories about last night that they didn't remember. That was funny. Once we got my grandpa to stop roaming around, we opened presents. I scored a Wii, a game for the Wii, hot potato from my mom (who, as I opened it said, "that's going to be a great drinking game"), some perfume, and some cash. And my grandma gave us a crock pot that she's had but has never used. It can live next to our deep fryer. I left around 11:30 to pick up some things for the boys at work, but that took longer than expected, so I really didn't hit the road until 12:30. And then my dad called and said that PCH was closed and to not take the 10. That's what started the unfortunate turn of Christmas.

I took the 5, as usual, the 101, which was new, but then at one point some douche didn't let me over, so I missed the Ventura fork. I'm sure part of it was because I was thinking about Daniel for most of the drive. I really do like him, and I could easily make the semi-long distance thing work if I really wanted to, since I think we would end up having a really good, happy relationship, but I don't think it's worth it. I've known Daniel for almost 7 years, and although we haven't dated for that long, I still know him well enough to know that he isn't my Prince Charming. The way I see it, after knowing him for that long and being in a relationship with him several times before, for 2+ years if you add everything together, and not knowing if he's right for me, then he isn't. I don't want to wait around another year or 2 to see if things change, because they probably won't if they haven't already. And I shouldn't have to be convinced that they will. Maybe my standards are too high, but Daniel doesn't quite reach them and I know exactly what I want. When I find Prince Charming, I'll know, and I won't have to have an internal debate about it.

I figured I'd just get off at the next exit and turn around and get back on the right track, but it didn't work that way. I ended up on 2 different freeways and then I drove around for forever trying to get back on the 101. That took about 25 minutes and I was stressing out because all I wanted to do was to see Scout before going to work at 2. I eventually found my way and made it out to Malibu at 1:45. No time for Scout.

I made it to work right on time and I bet PCH would've been fine had I taken the 10. It was super busy probably until 5, so that sucked and didn't help my mood. Although, the boys liked their presents, so that made me happy. And to make matters worse, some creepy old man was taking pictures of me on his phone, so Hady told him to leave and Yeltsin went after him and deleted the pictures from his phone. That sucked and I wasn't happy about it. Yeltsin gave me a hug, but I was still creeped out. Things slowed down and hardly anyone was in the store when we closed at 7. We were out of there on time at 8, but somewhere between 2 and then, the gorgeousness that was the weather yesterday and in the morning and afternoon had given way to another outburst of rain. None of us had jackets. None of us had umbrellas. I was close to soaked when I reached my car since I had to park far away because of the crazy people that absolutely needed to be at Starbucks on Christmas instead of their families.

I made it home in one piece, unloaded my car into the garage and then was greeted by Scout. She seemed pretty happy to see me, so I stayed and talk to her for a few minutes before going to park my car. I brought my umbrella from home, so I used it on the walk back. And that's when Scout ran into the garage. I probably spent 15 minutes trying to get her until I enlisted the help of the Mr. Clean mop by the washer. He worked liked a charm. It was close to 9 by this time, and I wanted nothing more than to shower and get to bed. So that's exactly what happened, plus some texting.

Christmas Eve

I tried to get up at 9, really, I did, but I ended up staying in bed until 9:30. And even then, I just went downstairs to eat and then crawled back into my bed until 10:15. Bed is just so nice and I didn't spend enough time in it this last semester. Scout was being rambunctious until she finally crashed next to me on my bed.

I finally got out of bed and started getting ready for Christmas Eve and Christmas. I was SO very sad leaving Scout, but I gave her a huge hug goodbye and promised her I'd be back. I made it to my dad's around 12:30, right as my grandfather was leaving, and we headed out to lunch soon after. Santa had made an early visit while we were out, so we opened stockings, I opened my presents, and my sister opened the one from me. I ended up with some cash, a pair of pajamas, and a bracelet. And my dad promised me his old Wayfarers, but he hasn't found them yet. But Jennifer found a pair of hers that she gave me, so it was acceptable.

I left around 5:45 and headed home to see Diva, Rico, and Romeo. They are huge. Except Diva. She's little. My mom and I headed out to my grandparents' house around 7 and that's when the fun started. My grandparents were already tipsy by the time we got there, so they were being all loud, and then some of their friends came over, so that meant more tequila and even more volume. My mom and I kind of got tired of it, and tired in general, so we went into my room and watched a movie. Only it was hard to watch since everyone was being so loud.

My grandparents' friends are still over, but my Uncle and Vicky left and my mom and I are ready for bed, so we're hoping they leave soon. Santa isn't going to come if we're awake all night.

I think I might start getting ready for bed. But maybe I'll have one more cookie first...

December 23

Merry Christmas Adam! Get it? Because tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Adam came before Eve. Ha.

Scout and I slept in until 10:30 and it was glorious. I can't remember the last time I slept for almost 10 consecutive hours. I was too lazy to put the trash out last night, so I got out of bed when I heard the trash trucks driving around and took the trash out. Scout and I pretty much lounged around for the rest of the morning and the afternoon and it was great. I loved not having to do anything. I was able to get most of my music sorted and spend some quality time with Scout. I was planning on venturing out to get stuff to wrap presents with after I made myself dinner, but I kept getting distracted. I would think of something I needed to check online, I would find a song to listen to, and then I thought about things for a while. I finally got ready and left around 9. I went to CVS and then stopped by Starbucks and chatted with Yeltsin and Maddie for a bit before heading back home. Scout was a HUGE help with getting gifts together. Not.

After I managed to get through that fun game, I spent the rest of the night surfing around and thinking about stuff.

December 22

Such a long day.

I was so sad about getting up to open for the third day in a row. So sad. But I did it anyway. I opened with Emory, which isn't as good as opening with Yeltsin, but way better than with Amariah. It wasn't super busy and I was already loopy by the time Jesse came in at 7. I was so tired and in a silly mood, so I didn't mind being there. Plus I was off at 9, so that was nice. I would've loved to have gone back to sleep when I got home, but I showered and set out for home instead.

I had some time to kill before my appointment to get my haircut, so I opted to go shopping for my sister. She had told me some of the things she wanted last night, so I knew more or less what I was looking for. Most expensive gift for Christmas 2010. Good thing I love her. I made it to my appointment just in time, got some length taken off and trimmed my bangs up, and then said hi to my mom on the way to my grandparents' house. My grandma was happy to make me a late lunch/early dinner and I helped her bake some cookies. It was great. My grandparents are great.

I left my grandparents' house and went and picked Daniel up around 7:15 so we could go see Tron at 8. I went into it wanting it to be a friend date, but he was being so cute and he was trying to hold my hand so it made it really difficult to not change my mind and turn it into a date date. I was still holding on to my friend date decision by the end of the movie, but that changed when I went to drop him off. Our hug was a really good one and then we pulled away and Daniel said that he missed me already and asked why we had to live so far away from each other. Then there was another really good hug followed by another round of sappiness. Daniel pulled me towards him and we kissed. And it wasn't a friend date kiss. And it was raining so it was kind of romantic and wonderful and it was a good one, but now that just complicates things. I could have kept the goodbye short, but I didn't. I allowed all that to happen and it shouldn't have. I think we should just be friends. We live 2+ hours away from each other, he doesn't have a car, and I work way too much, so it wouldn't really work out. We should just stay friends.

December 21

I almost forgot what happened today. It seems like today went on for forever.

I opened with Amariah, who was late, again, and I was off at 9:30. The rain stopped for the first time in days, intermittently, so we actually had people come in. It wasn't super busy, but it was a fair turnout. I ended up staying a few minutes late, but I was home by 10. And April Scout, knowing when I need to be forced to sleep, promptly came to cuddle and we ended up napping until 11:30. I got ready for what was left of the day and set out for my dad's house a little after 1.

I got into Whittier a little after 2:30 and went to go find my mom instead of going straight to my dad's house. She was on the second street I tried, street, not street corner, and I could tell that she was happy to see me. It's that dimple of hers. After a brief carside chat, I went over to my dad's. My dad and I discussed my grades, my gpa, and my major, which wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be, but it still could've gone a lot smoother. I hung out with Emme for a while, which was weird because she's growing up and becoming a real person, and then we all finally set out to dinner. I always feel weird when I with them. Kind of like I'm the extra one. Maybe it's because I am. They're a family and I'm the extra one that comes into town every once in a while. Sad. Regardless, dinner was good, despite my dad's mean, smartass remarks, and I set out for Malibu as soon as we got back to his house.

December 20

I went to bed at 10 thinking I'll get a good 6 hours in, but I couldn't fall asleep. I was tired, just not sleepy. And then I thought to myself, "At least I'm not awake thinking about things." So naturally I started thinking about things. Normally it's stuff that makes me get upset at myself, but this time not so much. Although I did end up getting a little mad since I was wishing you were here to talk me through everything, but I probably wouldn't have talked about it with you. Dumb. Keeping with the trend of the past few days, I was thinking about Daniel. I was thinking about why things ended the first time, the second time, and the third time. The first and second times were dumb reasons and those relationships were kind of dumb to begin with. However, our third run was way more of a relationship than the first two combined, even though I didn't want to think of it as a relationship. Maybe it was because we grew up, maybe it was because we already knew each other so well, or maybe it was because of some reason I haven't realized yet, but things were really good.

I don't know how many DTRs we had by the end of the summer, but the one right before I left for school was a doozy. I know I kind of mentioned it, but Daniel talked about how he wanted to be in a relationship with someone that he could have a future with. He had said that a few times before, but that one scared me. Adding a title to our relationship made it real, and when I thought of real, I thought possible future. I couldn't see Daniel in my future. I dragged it out and I finally felt bad enough for Daniel to end it. I was happy, I thought things were going really well, but I felt that we wanted different things. And I couldn't promise him that I wasn't going to find my future somewhere else.

I still have feelings for Daniel and I think I always will, and I think there's a reason why we keep coming back to each other, but I still can't see him in my future. I think part of it is because I've put a mental block there since I've tried repeatedly to convince myself Daniel is a bad idea, even when we were dating last summer. I don't know if that view would change if we started dating again, but it might. I just don't know if I'm willing to find out. I think if we were to try again, things would pick up right where they left off and it would be great, but I don't want to feel like I'm wasting Daniel's time or mine. I'd like a future too, just maybe not with Daniel. I don't know.

I finally fell asleep after 1, so I got a little less than 3 hours. Oh well. Amariah was a little late since PCH was closed, but we still got everything done on time. The morning was super slow since it was still raining, the power even went out for a sec, and Amariah sent me home at 8:30 when Johnny clocked in. I was scheduled until 1, so I was happy to come home. I ventured out to go Christmas shopping and run some other errands and was back home by 2. I started organizing my music again, but then I fell asleep until almost 6. Whoops. I made some dinner, went back to my music and decided to stop once I got about a third of the way through it. So much.

December 19

I woke up at 8, but for some reason I got ready for work super fast. I decided to go in early so I could eat and caffeinate for my long shift. I was working with Amariah, Jesse, and Yeltsin, but Amariah was in the back, so it worked out well. I really like working with Jesse and I was sad that Amariah sent him home early. He was supposed to stay until 2, but he got sent home at 10:30, when Johnny showed up. It was just us 4 until Amariah left around 2 and Amber showed up around 3. I was hoping I'd get sent home as soon as Amber signed on, but no. Yeltsin left at 3:30, and then I got to leave a little after 4 when Candice showed up. I made a trip to Ralphs before coming home and then settled in with Scout for the evening. Devyn wanted to hang out and watch a movie over at his place, but I just wasn't feeling it. I couldnt stay out late anyway. I thought about working on my i-tunes again, but I got distracted and started drawing stuff on the computer and chatting with Daniel and Devyn instead.

December 18

We all woke up kind of early, Katy the earliest, to get packed, ready, and head out for the airport. We stopped by Starbucks on the way and got to the airport a little after 10. Katy's flight was at 11:30 and Isabela's was at 12:30. Turns out, Katy's flight was delayed until 1:30 but didn't really end up leaving until 2:30. I offered to swing back around to go get her, but she said she'd be okay. I made it home in one piece, showered, and then crashed pretty hard until 2. I felt kind of dizzy, so I figured I should go downstairs and eat something. That's when I heard Mike. He was showing a couple the outside of the house. Weird. I just kind of froze because I didn't want them to hear or see me. I felt silly, but whatever. I talked to Daniel for a little bit via fb, so that was nice. I'm rather confuzzled about that one. I spent the rest of the afternoon surfing around and I started revamping my i-tunes playlists again. I've downloaded so much music over the past month or so that I've gotten way behind on sorting it all out and figure I might as well just start over. So I am.

Scout and I finally cuddled for a bit, but of course it was right before I had to leave for work. Work was absolutely dead and I'm pretty sure it was because it had been pouring literally all day. Californians can't handle rain. I was supposed to close with Tim and Pari, who has given me permission to call her Abigail since I feel silly calling her Pari, but Time let Pari go home early since it was super slow. I would've liked to have gone home early and gone back to sleep since I was feeling kind of sick and think sleep would do me some good, but it was only fair that Pari got to go. She was there first. The evening consisted of customers that were few and far between and was full of fruitless flirting, but I didn't mind one bit. We got out on time even though we only closed with 2 people and I was able to relax a bit before going to bed.

December 17

As expected, I was up around 9 and everyone else was asleep. Ideally, we would leave for Disneyland around 10 and get breakfast on the way. Instead, I ate cereal downstairs and unloaded the dishwasher. By the time I came back upstairs, it was 10, and Katy was awake. "So what's the plan?" "I don't know." "Can Isabela come, or do you just want it to be you and me?" I wanted it to be just me and Katy, but what was Isabela going to do all day? "Isabela can come. It's Disneyland." "Okay, I wasn't sure if it was just supposed to be a roommate thing and she would ruin it." "It's Disneyland." Turns out Isabela declined the offer to go since it's pricey and it was cold and wet out. I felt bad.

We didn't head out until 11:30 and traffic was bad since it was raining, so we didn't get there until around 1:30. We stopped for lunch and then hit up California Adventure. Silly and very wet. I think the highlight of CA was the Fun Wheel and the cop that was freaking out. Classic. Then we went to Disneyland, ate dinner, and met up with Daniel since he was there with his roommate too. I miss him. A lot. Katy was trying to get out of my why I shouldn't date him, but I wasn't giving her too many answers. We went our separate ways, went on Finding Nemo and Space Mountain, and then met up with Daniel again. He ditched his roommate to walk us over to California Adventure. Katy says that he still looks at me the right way and its obvious I still like him, but I just don't know. Katy and I stood in the rain for another hour and watched the World of Color. We were soaked, but I had a really good time. Maybe top 10 visits. We stripped in the car, which was hilarious because we were parked right in front of the escalator, and got home around 11:30, chatted, and then ended up going to bed right now.

December 16

Finals Week fail of a day.

I woke up early, 5:15, to take Erin to the airport at 6. I would've like have slept, since really I didn't have to wake up until 8, but Erin was talking the whole time. That's okay though. She drove to the airport, we said our goodbyes, and I drove back. I was too early for work, it was 7:45 and I didn't start until 9, so I napped in the car. I was super tired when I went in, but I snapped out of it. But then I started to feel sick. Thankfully Maddie came in early to cover the last 2 hours of my shift so I came home, ate, showered, and napped.

I was coughing a whole lot for the rest of the afternoon/evening and I felt kind of weak, but I think I'll be okay.

The plan for the evening was that Katy would go to work, take Isabela to the airport, and then we would watch a movie and have big girl hot chocolate when she got home. Unfortunately, that's not how it turned out. Isabela forgot her wallet in Katy's car so Katy had to double back. Than Isabela missed her flight, so Katy had to double back. Then she went to target. I was kind of bummed that the Isabela thing threw a wrench in our plans, so I wasn't really down to watch a movie or drink big girl hot chocolate. I went to bed early instead. At least Katy and Isabela got a movie and some booze in. But Katy didn't even ask if I wanted to join them. That's what sucked the most. I was upstairs in my warm bed on my computer when they got home. So what? I could've joined them.

December 15

I woke up early to study for HIST, which ended up not really helping me. Katy and I went to sbux before our final, which was much harder than I was expecting it to be. Hopefully I still end up with a B in the class.

Katy left for work and I left for the library.

I burned my final for graphics onto a CD and planned on finishing my paper for ENG, but I started feeling kind of sick, so I went to the bookstore to get some meds. Before I knew it, it was time for my graphics final. Waste. We turned in our projects and left.

I went back to Payson, cranked out my essay, and sat around for forever until my english final, which was kind of also a waste. We wrote a reflection paper and left.

I was supposed to go to dinner with Tim after that, but he was still taking a final, so I waited. And waited. Finally I got too cranky so I found Erin and Josh and went to Thai dishes with them. Great choice. Tim was mad though.

I spent a good chunk of the evening at home surfing around online while Erin packed and Katy studied. When Katy was at a stopping point, we sat around a fire and made s'mores. Well, Katy and I did. Erin doesn't like marshmallows.

We finished the evening with floor pictures and laughter and were all in bed by midnight.

December 14

I opened. Again.

But this time it was with Emory. He isn't the best to open with, Yeltsin is, but he's still way better than Amariah. I was hoping to maybe leave early, but after looking at the schedule, I knew that there was no way that was going to happen. It was super busy all day, but it wasn't bad. I rang for most of the time and Candice was stressing on bar. I accidently fell asleep during my break, but thankfully Tim texted me and woke me up. And of course I stayed late. Duh.

I came back home and crashed. Hard. For way longer than I should have, but I really needed it. Katy and I stayed up to watch the meteor shower last night, but it turned out to be way too foggy to see anything, so it was a waste. But I got my portfolio done. I woke up at 4, showered, ate, and got my advertising stuff out of the way. That final was kind of waste, but I think i did well. Hopefully I get an A.

After a quick trip to sbux, I was home and being silly. It was rice krispie night, but I wasn't allowed to make them until I had at least 3 pages of my essay done. Easy. I got 4. Rice krispie treats were silly as always and I wasn't motivated enough to finish my paper. I compromised with myself and decided I would finish it later.

December 13

Opening kind of sucked, but it was because I was working with Amariah. Opening always sucks with her. But whatever. It wasn't so so bad. And it got really busy for a while, but I didn't get too stressed out. And newb#2 did alright. Way better than Cynthia. I stayed a little late, but that wasn't such a big deal.

I kinda sorta napped when I got home, which would have been fine had I actually slept, but I didn't actually sleep. I got most of my portfolio done when I finally "woke up" though. I just need to write about each thing. I included way too much.

I made a quick run to Pavillions and then started dinner. Success. And dessert. Success. I was hoping for family dessert, but Erin went to bed early, Caroline came over, and Katy came home late. Bummer.

I really should stay up and finish my portfolio, but I'm not going to. And I really wanted to watch the meteor shower, it was on the list, but Katy says I'm not allowed to. Lame. I'm about to go compromise.

December 12

While I was on my drive, I started thinking about that one convo that hit way too close to home. The one that was about letting yourself be vulnerable and having at least 1 person to confide in. I still don't have that person and I don't think Katy is any closer to being that person. I'm not letting her. I ended up sleeping in my car again and went straight to work after waking up.

Work was long, but it went by kinda fast. I went to Ralphs after work and then over to Target. Things were kind of tense between Katy and I for the rest of the night, but I didn't know what to do about it. We met up with Erin at school around 10 for breakfast and I was hoping we'd all take pictures in front of the Christmas tree, but that didn't happen. We all came home instead.

December 11

To my surprise, I slept fairly well. Normally sleeping in my car involves tears and very little sleep, but I was perfectly content when I climbed into my backseat and slept for a solid 6 hours. I actually came home at 9 and slept until 11, ate and did some homework, showered and thought about doing laundry, and then slept for another 2 hours. I really shouldn’t have slept that last time, but I probably needed to.

I finally started my laundry and thought up a game plan for the night, but then nixed it after seeing that the library would only be open until 10. No good. Than I blew it way out of proportion in my head and didn’t know what to do with myself. I started thinking about things and got mad, but then I made my way downstairs and worked on some homework. I ate and finished my laundry, but then I didn’t want to do homework anymore, so I started thinking again. No good.

I hate the chain of thoughts that goes through my head that always leaves me feeling upset. It happens far too often and I wish it didn’t happen at all. I don’t know how to stop it.

I’m currently still upset, but I don’t think I can do anything at the moment to fix it, so I’m about to go drive around and make it worse.

December 10

Sleeping in for a little but was really nice and I'm glad it happened. The rest of my morning and early afternoon were pretty uneventful. I pretty much just sat around, watched GLEE, and did some homework before going to work.

Work went well. Courtney and I both started at 4 and we worked with Amber and Tim until Tim left at 5:30. Then we had an hour of awesomeness before Cynthia came at 6:30. I totally understand being new and everything, but Cynthia is a little much. She rubs me the wrong way and she's lacking a little in the common sense department. I'm trying to be nice, really, I am. Between 4 and 10, Courtney made a number of plans for us. First it was Johnny's, then it was dancing, then it was karaoke, then it was watching a movie and drinking some wine. After we got off work at 10:30, we headed to Ralphs, then to the bank, then to the gas station, and then up to her apartment in Drescher. We ended up watching Sex in the City 2, which I didn't really want to watch especially since I hadn't seen the first one, but I normally just go along with what other people want, so that's what ended up happening.

I left a little after 2, made a quick pit stop in the HAWC to warm up a bagel since I was starving and then made my home, but not really. I ended up sleeping in my car since it was late and I didn't want to wake anyone up.

December 9

Katy and I woke up early to finish homework.

We left home a little before 11 and went to sbux.

We hung out at school before class.

We went to class.

I was being silly in graphics.

I came home, ate, and helped Katy decorate OUR Christmas tree.

I went to ADV which was a waste.

I went to the game, which was fun.

Katy and I went to In-N-Out after.

We got home a little bit ago.

December 8

Opening wasnt too bad, except Amariah was late.

I worked until 9 and headed over to school for convo.

Anthony Evans performed, so that was cool.

Katy and I had planned on going with Erin to get a Christmas tree after convo, but Erin didn't come and then went running instead.

We tried to include her, but she got butt hurt.

I tried to do homework but failed.

English was okay since we just watched a movie, but then I got in a shitty mood because I got a D on my last paper. Not okay.

Riptide went long.

I had dinner with Katy when we got home.

I went to sbux and ralphs while Katy was at dance.

Katy and I did homework.

We went to bed around 1.

December 7

To my surprise, waking up at 3:25 for work wasn’t all that bad. And I wasn’t freezing for the first time in days. Amariah was late as usual, but whatever. We had some technical difficulties setting up the new system for the registers, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I pretty much opened the store by myself since Amariah was on the phone the whole time trying to get to customer service to figure out the technical stuff. But I had it covered. And she didn’t leave me alone to fend for myself for too long, so that was nice. I only got to use the new system for a little bit, but it’s kind of confusing. I think essentially it’s easier, but it’s difficult right now since it’s different and everything’s moved around. I’ll get used to it. I was straight up rocking the bar all morning until Candice clocked in at 8:30 and decided she wanted to take over. She threw off my flow, so I just walked away and decided to do other stuff. I was about to violate since I hadn’t taken a lunch yet, I needed to take one by 9 and it was 8:57, so I proposed I just leave since I was off at 9:30 anyway. So I got to leave.

Scout came to cuddle and I hardcore crashed as soon as Katy left for school and I was out cold probably until 12:30ish. I woke up for a second, but Scout came back to cuddle and I fell asleep for another 30 minutes. I came downstairs to eat breakfast/lunch and chat with Erin for a bit and then went back up to shower and then start some homework. The homework was super slow going just because I wanted to stay in bed and cuddle where it was warm, but I got a little chunk of it done.

Class was kind of a waste. Everyone went around the room and talked about our project: what was our biggest challenge, what was our biggest triumph, and what we learned. The WHOLE time, the boy group was talking and being cocky. It was annoying, but it was especially disrespectful when the professor was talking. After all that was done, we filled out peer evaluation forms, Stu got crappy grades from our group, and then we got our grades for our project. Another A. Solid. And our campaign book was the best one of the class, so I’m assuming that means we got the highest grade. When everyone was leaving the boys told the professor that they wanted to speak with her and that they’d wait for her in her office. Everyone had left besides me and Caroline, so we stayed behind to talk to the professor. She complimented us on our project and said that the boys were probably going to debate her on their grade. She said that they didn’t include a whole bunch of stuff they were supposed to. So Thursday: My group did really well. The second group did really well. The third group did really well, but they presented a marketing campaign, not an ad campaign, they included several slides with just text even though the professor specifically said NO TEXT, and they flat out didn’t do some of the required ads and instead did different ones. What really sucked was that all the judges applauded them for doing something different than everyone else. Yeah, that’s cool, but that’s not what the assignment was. Apparently the professor was upset about that too, so she’s thinking about calling Madison, our client, and explaining to him that they broke the rules. That made us feel a whole lot better that she was upset about it too. And we told her not to let those boys push her around, so that made her feel better. Boys are stupid.

I kinda sorta worked on my English homework when I got home, but ultimately worked on outlining the layout of my portfolio for graphics. It needed to be done, but English should’ve been done instead.

December 6

I opened with Amariah and this new girl, Cynthia. I didn't know I'd be training, so I wasn't thrilled about that, especially since I don't do so well with communicating at 5 in the morning. Right off the bat Cynthia rubs me the wrong way by questioning me and trying to get all up in my business. I understand asking questions since she's new and whatever, but questioning whether or not I'm doing something the right way or trying to point out my mistakes isn't okay. Thankfully Courtney was the next one in and saved me a little bit. She agreed that this newb wasn't the best. I actually got out on time, so that was cool, and it was because I took control. I didn't wait for Amariah to send me home. I just did it.

I came home and changed, several times, and then went to school. History wasn't all that great and graphics was just okay. But a lot of people liked my layouts, so that was cool. English was really hard to sit through as usual, but I made it. After I was done with class, I booked it over to Elkins for convo to watch Finding Kind. It was a really good documentary and it was quite inspiring. It was hard to sit through some of the scenes only because some of the stuff the girls were saying hit home. After that convo, Katy and I grabbed some dinner from the caf and headed back to Elkins for another convo. That one was seriously hard to sit through. I was falling asleep hardcore. I think Katy was too. but we survived.

I came home and went to bed right away.

December 5

Waking up kind of sucked, but I did it anyway.

My car was just so warm by the time I got to work, I didn't want to get out of it. But I did.

The crew by the time I left was solid, it wasn't too busy, and it was actually fun. Working with Yeltsin, Jesse, Maddie, and Johnny was great.

I watched some 30 Rock and napped when I got home and then Katy texted me asking if I'd join her at sbux. I run when called, so I obliged even though I would've loved to have stayed in bed. It was nice having a coffee break with her though. And then Chris Bishop and Claudia came over to talk to us for a bit too. That was nice.

I went back to surfing the internet when I got home, Erin worked on homework and dinner, and then we had family dinner pretty soon after Katy got home.

I spent the rest of the evening on my computer, Katy went to a Songfest meeting, and Erin did homework.

December 4

I absolutely did not want to get out of bed this morning, but I did. And then when I was getting ready, Courtney texted me saying she needed me over there ASAP because she was hung over. I didn’t really mind. It was for Courtney. I like her. The morning was uber busy probably until 12:30ish, but it wasn’t too terrible just because I was with good people. Things slowed down after I had my lunch, Courtney left, Amber showed up, Maddie showed up, Jesse showed up, and Yeltsin left. And of course I stayed late again. I didn’t really need to, but I did.

I was silly with Erin for a bit after I got home. I decided I was way too tired to go to the basketball game, even for the socks, so I showered and just sat around and caught up on TV for the rest of the night while Erin went out to some Psi U party. Apparently there was a snow machine involved.

December 3

I opened with Yeltsin, which wasn't all that bad. I like opening with him. Amariah, not so much. I was hoping to leave early so I could go to convo, and I had mentioned it to him the last time I worked, but it didn't work out that way. I ended up staying until almost 1. Whatever. And I finally went to the bank to pay rent.

I came back home and surfed around the internet for a while and then slept for maybe 2 hours. That was good. But then it didn't help my attitude much.

The original plan: Coffeehouse with me, Katy, and Erin.

New plan: Katy and I would chillax at home and watch a movie.

New new plan: Isabela would join us in chillaxing and a movie.

What actually happened: Katy went to dinner with Isabela, I played on my computer the whole night, Isabela and Katy came home and talked, Erin came home and talked, and then that was it.

It's not like I did anything to change it.

December 2

I had to wake up early to go to Micheals to get new clay for my stupid ADV project.

I came back, made the dumb keys and flash drives, went to class, and then came back home to finish everything and freak out about ADV.

My pitch went well, but then the other 2 groups went and it was apparent that we lost. I was upset so I went on a drive and went into catastrophe mode again.

I hate that.

December 1

I didn't go to lacrosse, but I went to convo. And then Katy and I had burritos and it was great.

ENG was cancelled, so I met up with Katy at sbux before meeting with my advertising group.

The ICC happened, then I skipped Riptide to go back to ADV.

We stayed until 2, I stayed up to finish my homework until 5.

November 30

Work flat out sucked today. The whole time. I thought it would get better when Johnny and Yeltsin came, but no. It still sucked. I was supposed to be done at 10:30 and then train for the new POS system, but I worked until 11, trained, and then was put back on the floor until 1 while Amariah, Yeltsin, and Emory were at Coogies. WTF.

Coming home didn't help either. The internet wasn't working, which really shouldn't have mattered, but I pretended it did. Now that I look back at it, I wasted my whole afternoon. Not smart.

I stopped by sbux, and then went to see Katy, and then went to class. It was short and sweet and Jordan was drunk. That was awesome.

I met up with Katy and Isabela afterwards to eat in the caf and then go to convo. I was silly when I got home, but then I started stressing about all the ish that I still needed to get done. No good. I read for ENG and Katy did some homework, and then we both went to bed.