New Year's Eve

I didn't sleep all that well, I woke up to coyotes at like 3, and every hour after that, but I wasn't too terribly tired when I got to work. Work wasn't anything special. It wasn't slow, but it wasn't all that busy either. Oh, and Tim stepped down from shift. So it's looking like Jesse and I will get promoted faster than we thought. But I don't know. Maybe not. I ended up staying a few minutes late and was home a little after 3.

I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to keep myself busy and thought about going to get Daniel, several times, but I ended up going out to dinner with Tim. He's a good guy, but I'm never going to see him as more than that. I think he knows that, but it doesn't stop him from trying to change my mind. After some chatting, I came home and took one last look at 2010.

I truly believe 2011 will be my best year yet.

December 30

Scout woke me up at 6 again, but I was able to fall right back asleep. She's been jumping up at the break between our curtains. I don't get it. I finally woke up for real a little before 10 and called to get a plumber to check out our shower. "We'll send someone between 10 and 12." So I got ready and waited. And I finished sorting music. And I waited some more. They didn't show by 12. I was going to call again at 2, but then I got a call at 1:20 saying that a technician was on their way. Our shower is now fixed.

I spent the rest of the day catching up on TV, I did some laundry, and I even read a little bit.

December 29

It had been sunny and windy for the past few days, but when Scout woke me up at 6, it was pouring. I think the sound of the rain on the roof helped wake me up too. I went back to sleep and didn't end up waking up until 11. AWESOME. I spent what was left of the morning and the first bit of the afternoon being introspective and thought a lot about 2010. To my pleasant surprise, I didn't allow myself to get to the point where I dwell on all the bad stuff and end up mad at myself. I thought about the bad stuff, but I realized there was no use dwelling on it. It happened. So what?

I had a doctor's appointment at 3:30 which took forever. I had to get an EKG, I've lost count of how many I've had to have, and I need to go back within the next 2 weeks, but I'm fine. Don't worry.

I ran some errands when I finally got out and spent the evening talking to Daniel on the phone. And my decision has been made. We're staying friends. I just need to let him know that.

December 28

I was just about to go to bed, but then I realized I hadn't written anything for the day. My bad.

Opening for the third day in a row wasn't too bad since it was with Yeltsin. It was super slow until around 10, and I was hoping to go home early again so I could sleep, but I had a meeting scheduled after my shift at 12, so I had to stay. I had a meeting with Amariah about taking on some more responsibilities at work to better prepare me for a supervisor position. I am now in charge of merchandising and am going to take a class on how to train people. After I get the 3 newbs to where they need to be, I'll be considered to be a shift supervisor. I can handle it. My meeting was scheduled until 1, but it finished at 12:30 and I thought I could go home, but I ended up going back to work until 1:30. Of course. But I left early for a few days, so I guess it's okay.

I thought about taking a nap when I got home, but it was already the afternoon, so I decided against it. I caught up on some TV and chipped away at some music for the rest of the day and much of the evening instead.

December 27

Opening day 2. I realized today that once I've been up for an hour and a half, I'm fine. It's just that first bit that sucks. Things were super slow at work, so instead of staying until 12:30, I stayed until 8:30. It's nice that I get to come home and sleep, but it sucks that my shift isn't worth waking up at 4 and that's money I'm not getting.

I came home and slept until around 10:30 and felt really weird when I woke up. Like I was too heavy to move. It was weird. But I snapped out of it and kind of got ready for the rest of the day, but my bed was so nice. And Scout was all cuddly.

I finally set out around 2 to Santa Monica, but all the parking structures were full and I didn't feel like circling around a bajillion times, so I hopped on the freeway and figured I'd end up at a mall. Traffic. I eventually made it to the mall in Topanga, but I pretty much got out of my car, checked the directory, and got back into my car. Sorry excuse for a mall. I then went all the way to Thousand Oaks and kind of struck out there too. I wasn't finding what I needed to find.

I stopped by work on the way home and then spent the evening shopping online for Christmas presents and books.

December 26

I tried to go to bed pretty early so I wouldn't get too bummed about being alone on Christmas, but it didn't really turn out that way. I didn't go to bed all that early and I couldn't fall asleep. And when I did fall asleep, I kept waking up. It was less than ideal, but I wasn't any more tired than usual when I woke up.

I opened with Amariah, who was late, and another newb, Rob. He's the "bro" type, a graphic design major at Santa Monica, from Sacramento, and broke up with his girlfriend on Christmas. He had no problem telling me about his life. He wasn't feeling all that well, so he left before the sun came up. Amber and Candice showed up at 8 and because things were slow, I got to leave at 9:30. I was scheduled until 11, so that was nice. I came home and napped, although I didn't mean to, and then got ready for after Christmas shopping.

I was planning on going to Camarillo and figured I'd take PCH all the way up, the scenic route, only north PCH was closed, so I went up the nearest canyon thinking it would get me to the other side. And it did. 45 minutes later. It was like Corral Canyon, only way more windy, not as pretty, and a little scary since the road was narrow and there were boulders everywhere. I eventually made it out in Westlake. I lost some time, but was back on track. I ended up getting a few things for myself, headed over to Target, and thought about going to The Oaks, but it was close to 7 and the stores would be closing at 7, so I just came home and had dinner with the wittles.

The rest of the evening consisted of music sorting and internet surfing. Loads of fun.

Christmas

So I finally got tired enough and got ready for bed and then the last 2 of my grandparents' friends left. Then everyone else got ready for bed. My mom and I were cleaning up a bit since my grandparents weren't going to do it, and then they started getting even more silly. I have never seen them that drunk before. But it wasn't an Amber drunk. They were still aware of what was going on. It was just really funny/amazing to watch. As they were finally on their way to bed, the doorbell rang. At this point it was almost one. It was the last 2 friends that left. They had forgotten a jacket, but they stayed and had more tequila. More. Tequila. Until 3. I was so tired, but I couldn't fall asleep because they were being so loud. But I couldn't go in there and tell them to go home. They finally left and I finally got some sleep.

My mom and I woke up at 9, but my grandparents were already up and about by then. They said that they were never going to drink again, but then they just laughed. And my mom and I told them stories about last night that they didn't remember. That was funny. Once we got my grandpa to stop roaming around, we opened presents. I scored a Wii, a game for the Wii, hot potato from my mom (who, as I opened it said, "that's going to be a great drinking game"), some perfume, and some cash. And my grandma gave us a crock pot that she's had but has never used. It can live next to our deep fryer. I left around 11:30 to pick up some things for the boys at work, but that took longer than expected, so I really didn't hit the road until 12:30. And then my dad called and said that PCH was closed and to not take the 10. That's what started the unfortunate turn of Christmas.

I took the 5, as usual, the 101, which was new, but then at one point some douche didn't let me over, so I missed the Ventura fork. I'm sure part of it was because I was thinking about Daniel for most of the drive. I really do like him, and I could easily make the semi-long distance thing work if I really wanted to, since I think we would end up having a really good, happy relationship, but I don't think it's worth it. I've known Daniel for almost 7 years, and although we haven't dated for that long, I still know him well enough to know that he isn't my Prince Charming. The way I see it, after knowing him for that long and being in a relationship with him several times before, for 2+ years if you add everything together, and not knowing if he's right for me, then he isn't. I don't want to wait around another year or 2 to see if things change, because they probably won't if they haven't already. And I shouldn't have to be convinced that they will. Maybe my standards are too high, but Daniel doesn't quite reach them and I know exactly what I want. When I find Prince Charming, I'll know, and I won't have to have an internal debate about it.

I figured I'd just get off at the next exit and turn around and get back on the right track, but it didn't work that way. I ended up on 2 different freeways and then I drove around for forever trying to get back on the 101. That took about 25 minutes and I was stressing out because all I wanted to do was to see Scout before going to work at 2. I eventually found my way and made it out to Malibu at 1:45. No time for Scout.

I made it to work right on time and I bet PCH would've been fine had I taken the 10. It was super busy probably until 5, so that sucked and didn't help my mood. Although, the boys liked their presents, so that made me happy. And to make matters worse, some creepy old man was taking pictures of me on his phone, so Hady told him to leave and Yeltsin went after him and deleted the pictures from his phone. That sucked and I wasn't happy about it. Yeltsin gave me a hug, but I was still creeped out. Things slowed down and hardly anyone was in the store when we closed at 7. We were out of there on time at 8, but somewhere between 2 and then, the gorgeousness that was the weather yesterday and in the morning and afternoon had given way to another outburst of rain. None of us had jackets. None of us had umbrellas. I was close to soaked when I reached my car since I had to park far away because of the crazy people that absolutely needed to be at Starbucks on Christmas instead of their families.

I made it home in one piece, unloaded my car into the garage and then was greeted by Scout. She seemed pretty happy to see me, so I stayed and talk to her for a few minutes before going to park my car. I brought my umbrella from home, so I used it on the walk back. And that's when Scout ran into the garage. I probably spent 15 minutes trying to get her until I enlisted the help of the Mr. Clean mop by the washer. He worked liked a charm. It was close to 9 by this time, and I wanted nothing more than to shower and get to bed. So that's exactly what happened, plus some texting.

Christmas Eve

I tried to get up at 9, really, I did, but I ended up staying in bed until 9:30. And even then, I just went downstairs to eat and then crawled back into my bed until 10:15. Bed is just so nice and I didn't spend enough time in it this last semester. Scout was being rambunctious until she finally crashed next to me on my bed.

I finally got out of bed and started getting ready for Christmas Eve and Christmas. I was SO very sad leaving Scout, but I gave her a huge hug goodbye and promised her I'd be back. I made it to my dad's around 12:30, right as my grandfather was leaving, and we headed out to lunch soon after. Santa had made an early visit while we were out, so we opened stockings, I opened my presents, and my sister opened the one from me. I ended up with some cash, a pair of pajamas, and a bracelet. And my dad promised me his old Wayfarers, but he hasn't found them yet. But Jennifer found a pair of hers that she gave me, so it was acceptable.

I left around 5:45 and headed home to see Diva, Rico, and Romeo. They are huge. Except Diva. She's little. My mom and I headed out to my grandparents' house around 7 and that's when the fun started. My grandparents were already tipsy by the time we got there, so they were being all loud, and then some of their friends came over, so that meant more tequila and even more volume. My mom and I kind of got tired of it, and tired in general, so we went into my room and watched a movie. Only it was hard to watch since everyone was being so loud.

My grandparents' friends are still over, but my Uncle and Vicky left and my mom and I are ready for bed, so we're hoping they leave soon. Santa isn't going to come if we're awake all night.

I think I might start getting ready for bed. But maybe I'll have one more cookie first...

December 23

Merry Christmas Adam! Get it? Because tomorrow's Christmas Eve. Adam came before Eve. Ha.

Scout and I slept in until 10:30 and it was glorious. I can't remember the last time I slept for almost 10 consecutive hours. I was too lazy to put the trash out last night, so I got out of bed when I heard the trash trucks driving around and took the trash out. Scout and I pretty much lounged around for the rest of the morning and the afternoon and it was great. I loved not having to do anything. I was able to get most of my music sorted and spend some quality time with Scout. I was planning on venturing out to get stuff to wrap presents with after I made myself dinner, but I kept getting distracted. I would think of something I needed to check online, I would find a song to listen to, and then I thought about things for a while. I finally got ready and left around 9. I went to CVS and then stopped by Starbucks and chatted with Yeltsin and Maddie for a bit before heading back home. Scout was a HUGE help with getting gifts together. Not.

After I managed to get through that fun game, I spent the rest of the night surfing around and thinking about stuff.

December 22

Such a long day.

I was so sad about getting up to open for the third day in a row. So sad. But I did it anyway. I opened with Emory, which isn't as good as opening with Yeltsin, but way better than with Amariah. It wasn't super busy and I was already loopy by the time Jesse came in at 7. I was so tired and in a silly mood, so I didn't mind being there. Plus I was off at 9, so that was nice. I would've loved to have gone back to sleep when I got home, but I showered and set out for home instead.

I had some time to kill before my appointment to get my haircut, so I opted to go shopping for my sister. She had told me some of the things she wanted last night, so I knew more or less what I was looking for. Most expensive gift for Christmas 2010. Good thing I love her. I made it to my appointment just in time, got some length taken off and trimmed my bangs up, and then said hi to my mom on the way to my grandparents' house. My grandma was happy to make me a late lunch/early dinner and I helped her bake some cookies. It was great. My grandparents are great.

I left my grandparents' house and went and picked Daniel up around 7:15 so we could go see Tron at 8. I went into it wanting it to be a friend date, but he was being so cute and he was trying to hold my hand so it made it really difficult to not change my mind and turn it into a date date. I was still holding on to my friend date decision by the end of the movie, but that changed when I went to drop him off. Our hug was a really good one and then we pulled away and Daniel said that he missed me already and asked why we had to live so far away from each other. Then there was another really good hug followed by another round of sappiness. Daniel pulled me towards him and we kissed. And it wasn't a friend date kiss. And it was raining so it was kind of romantic and wonderful and it was a good one, but now that just complicates things. I could have kept the goodbye short, but I didn't. I allowed all that to happen and it shouldn't have. I think we should just be friends. We live 2+ hours away from each other, he doesn't have a car, and I work way too much, so it wouldn't really work out. We should just stay friends.

December 21

I almost forgot what happened today. It seems like today went on for forever.

I opened with Amariah, who was late, again, and I was off at 9:30. The rain stopped for the first time in days, intermittently, so we actually had people come in. It wasn't super busy, but it was a fair turnout. I ended up staying a few minutes late, but I was home by 10. And April Scout, knowing when I need to be forced to sleep, promptly came to cuddle and we ended up napping until 11:30. I got ready for what was left of the day and set out for my dad's house a little after 1.

I got into Whittier a little after 2:30 and went to go find my mom instead of going straight to my dad's house. She was on the second street I tried, street, not street corner, and I could tell that she was happy to see me. It's that dimple of hers. After a brief carside chat, I went over to my dad's. My dad and I discussed my grades, my gpa, and my major, which wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be, but it still could've gone a lot smoother. I hung out with Emme for a while, which was weird because she's growing up and becoming a real person, and then we all finally set out to dinner. I always feel weird when I with them. Kind of like I'm the extra one. Maybe it's because I am. They're a family and I'm the extra one that comes into town every once in a while. Sad. Regardless, dinner was good, despite my dad's mean, smartass remarks, and I set out for Malibu as soon as we got back to his house.

December 20

I went to bed at 10 thinking I'll get a good 6 hours in, but I couldn't fall asleep. I was tired, just not sleepy. And then I thought to myself, "At least I'm not awake thinking about things." So naturally I started thinking about things. Normally it's stuff that makes me get upset at myself, but this time not so much. Although I did end up getting a little mad since I was wishing you were here to talk me through everything, but I probably wouldn't have talked about it with you. Dumb. Keeping with the trend of the past few days, I was thinking about Daniel. I was thinking about why things ended the first time, the second time, and the third time. The first and second times were dumb reasons and those relationships were kind of dumb to begin with. However, our third run was way more of a relationship than the first two combined, even though I didn't want to think of it as a relationship. Maybe it was because we grew up, maybe it was because we already knew each other so well, or maybe it was because of some reason I haven't realized yet, but things were really good.

I don't know how many DTRs we had by the end of the summer, but the one right before I left for school was a doozy. I know I kind of mentioned it, but Daniel talked about how he wanted to be in a relationship with someone that he could have a future with. He had said that a few times before, but that one scared me. Adding a title to our relationship made it real, and when I thought of real, I thought possible future. I couldn't see Daniel in my future. I dragged it out and I finally felt bad enough for Daniel to end it. I was happy, I thought things were going really well, but I felt that we wanted different things. And I couldn't promise him that I wasn't going to find my future somewhere else.

I still have feelings for Daniel and I think I always will, and I think there's a reason why we keep coming back to each other, but I still can't see him in my future. I think part of it is because I've put a mental block there since I've tried repeatedly to convince myself Daniel is a bad idea, even when we were dating last summer. I don't know if that view would change if we started dating again, but it might. I just don't know if I'm willing to find out. I think if we were to try again, things would pick up right where they left off and it would be great, but I don't want to feel like I'm wasting Daniel's time or mine. I'd like a future too, just maybe not with Daniel. I don't know.

I finally fell asleep after 1, so I got a little less than 3 hours. Oh well. Amariah was a little late since PCH was closed, but we still got everything done on time. The morning was super slow since it was still raining, the power even went out for a sec, and Amariah sent me home at 8:30 when Johnny clocked in. I was scheduled until 1, so I was happy to come home. I ventured out to go Christmas shopping and run some other errands and was back home by 2. I started organizing my music again, but then I fell asleep until almost 6. Whoops. I made some dinner, went back to my music and decided to stop once I got about a third of the way through it. So much.

December 19

I woke up at 8, but for some reason I got ready for work super fast. I decided to go in early so I could eat and caffeinate for my long shift. I was working with Amariah, Jesse, and Yeltsin, but Amariah was in the back, so it worked out well. I really like working with Jesse and I was sad that Amariah sent him home early. He was supposed to stay until 2, but he got sent home at 10:30, when Johnny showed up. It was just us 4 until Amariah left around 2 and Amber showed up around 3. I was hoping I'd get sent home as soon as Amber signed on, but no. Yeltsin left at 3:30, and then I got to leave a little after 4 when Candice showed up. I made a trip to Ralphs before coming home and then settled in with Scout for the evening. Devyn wanted to hang out and watch a movie over at his place, but I just wasn't feeling it. I couldnt stay out late anyway. I thought about working on my i-tunes again, but I got distracted and started drawing stuff on the computer and chatting with Daniel and Devyn instead.

December 18

We all woke up kind of early, Katy the earliest, to get packed, ready, and head out for the airport. We stopped by Starbucks on the way and got to the airport a little after 10. Katy's flight was at 11:30 and Isabela's was at 12:30. Turns out, Katy's flight was delayed until 1:30 but didn't really end up leaving until 2:30. I offered to swing back around to go get her, but she said she'd be okay. I made it home in one piece, showered, and then crashed pretty hard until 2. I felt kind of dizzy, so I figured I should go downstairs and eat something. That's when I heard Mike. He was showing a couple the outside of the house. Weird. I just kind of froze because I didn't want them to hear or see me. I felt silly, but whatever. I talked to Daniel for a little bit via fb, so that was nice. I'm rather confuzzled about that one. I spent the rest of the afternoon surfing around and I started revamping my i-tunes playlists again. I've downloaded so much music over the past month or so that I've gotten way behind on sorting it all out and figure I might as well just start over. So I am.

Scout and I finally cuddled for a bit, but of course it was right before I had to leave for work. Work was absolutely dead and I'm pretty sure it was because it had been pouring literally all day. Californians can't handle rain. I was supposed to close with Tim and Pari, who has given me permission to call her Abigail since I feel silly calling her Pari, but Time let Pari go home early since it was super slow. I would've liked to have gone home early and gone back to sleep since I was feeling kind of sick and think sleep would do me some good, but it was only fair that Pari got to go. She was there first. The evening consisted of customers that were few and far between and was full of fruitless flirting, but I didn't mind one bit. We got out on time even though we only closed with 2 people and I was able to relax a bit before going to bed.

December 17

As expected, I was up around 9 and everyone else was asleep. Ideally, we would leave for Disneyland around 10 and get breakfast on the way. Instead, I ate cereal downstairs and unloaded the dishwasher. By the time I came back upstairs, it was 10, and Katy was awake. "So what's the plan?" "I don't know." "Can Isabela come, or do you just want it to be you and me?" I wanted it to be just me and Katy, but what was Isabela going to do all day? "Isabela can come. It's Disneyland." "Okay, I wasn't sure if it was just supposed to be a roommate thing and she would ruin it." "It's Disneyland." Turns out Isabela declined the offer to go since it's pricey and it was cold and wet out. I felt bad.

We didn't head out until 11:30 and traffic was bad since it was raining, so we didn't get there until around 1:30. We stopped for lunch and then hit up California Adventure. Silly and very wet. I think the highlight of CA was the Fun Wheel and the cop that was freaking out. Classic. Then we went to Disneyland, ate dinner, and met up with Daniel since he was there with his roommate too. I miss him. A lot. Katy was trying to get out of my why I shouldn't date him, but I wasn't giving her too many answers. We went our separate ways, went on Finding Nemo and Space Mountain, and then met up with Daniel again. He ditched his roommate to walk us over to California Adventure. Katy says that he still looks at me the right way and its obvious I still like him, but I just don't know. Katy and I stood in the rain for another hour and watched the World of Color. We were soaked, but I had a really good time. Maybe top 10 visits. We stripped in the car, which was hilarious because we were parked right in front of the escalator, and got home around 11:30, chatted, and then ended up going to bed right now.

December 16

Finals Week fail of a day.

I woke up early, 5:15, to take Erin to the airport at 6. I would've like have slept, since really I didn't have to wake up until 8, but Erin was talking the whole time. That's okay though. She drove to the airport, we said our goodbyes, and I drove back. I was too early for work, it was 7:45 and I didn't start until 9, so I napped in the car. I was super tired when I went in, but I snapped out of it. But then I started to feel sick. Thankfully Maddie came in early to cover the last 2 hours of my shift so I came home, ate, showered, and napped.

I was coughing a whole lot for the rest of the afternoon/evening and I felt kind of weak, but I think I'll be okay.

The plan for the evening was that Katy would go to work, take Isabela to the airport, and then we would watch a movie and have big girl hot chocolate when she got home. Unfortunately, that's not how it turned out. Isabela forgot her wallet in Katy's car so Katy had to double back. Than Isabela missed her flight, so Katy had to double back. Then she went to target. I was kind of bummed that the Isabela thing threw a wrench in our plans, so I wasn't really down to watch a movie or drink big girl hot chocolate. I went to bed early instead. At least Katy and Isabela got a movie and some booze in. But Katy didn't even ask if I wanted to join them. That's what sucked the most. I was upstairs in my warm bed on my computer when they got home. So what? I could've joined them.

December 15

I woke up early to study for HIST, which ended up not really helping me. Katy and I went to sbux before our final, which was much harder than I was expecting it to be. Hopefully I still end up with a B in the class.

Katy left for work and I left for the library.

I burned my final for graphics onto a CD and planned on finishing my paper for ENG, but I started feeling kind of sick, so I went to the bookstore to get some meds. Before I knew it, it was time for my graphics final. Waste. We turned in our projects and left.

I went back to Payson, cranked out my essay, and sat around for forever until my english final, which was kind of also a waste. We wrote a reflection paper and left.

I was supposed to go to dinner with Tim after that, but he was still taking a final, so I waited. And waited. Finally I got too cranky so I found Erin and Josh and went to Thai dishes with them. Great choice. Tim was mad though.

I spent a good chunk of the evening at home surfing around online while Erin packed and Katy studied. When Katy was at a stopping point, we sat around a fire and made s'mores. Well, Katy and I did. Erin doesn't like marshmallows.

We finished the evening with floor pictures and laughter and were all in bed by midnight.

December 14

I opened. Again.

But this time it was with Emory. He isn't the best to open with, Yeltsin is, but he's still way better than Amariah. I was hoping to maybe leave early, but after looking at the schedule, I knew that there was no way that was going to happen. It was super busy all day, but it wasn't bad. I rang for most of the time and Candice was stressing on bar. I accidently fell asleep during my break, but thankfully Tim texted me and woke me up. And of course I stayed late. Duh.

I came back home and crashed. Hard. For way longer than I should have, but I really needed it. Katy and I stayed up to watch the meteor shower last night, but it turned out to be way too foggy to see anything, so it was a waste. But I got my portfolio done. I woke up at 4, showered, ate, and got my advertising stuff out of the way. That final was kind of waste, but I think i did well. Hopefully I get an A.

After a quick trip to sbux, I was home and being silly. It was rice krispie night, but I wasn't allowed to make them until I had at least 3 pages of my essay done. Easy. I got 4. Rice krispie treats were silly as always and I wasn't motivated enough to finish my paper. I compromised with myself and decided I would finish it later.

December 13

Opening kind of sucked, but it was because I was working with Amariah. Opening always sucks with her. But whatever. It wasn't so so bad. And it got really busy for a while, but I didn't get too stressed out. And newb#2 did alright. Way better than Cynthia. I stayed a little late, but that wasn't such a big deal.

I kinda sorta napped when I got home, which would have been fine had I actually slept, but I didn't actually sleep. I got most of my portfolio done when I finally "woke up" though. I just need to write about each thing. I included way too much.

I made a quick run to Pavillions and then started dinner. Success. And dessert. Success. I was hoping for family dessert, but Erin went to bed early, Caroline came over, and Katy came home late. Bummer.

I really should stay up and finish my portfolio, but I'm not going to. And I really wanted to watch the meteor shower, it was on the list, but Katy says I'm not allowed to. Lame. I'm about to go compromise.

December 12

While I was on my drive, I started thinking about that one convo that hit way too close to home. The one that was about letting yourself be vulnerable and having at least 1 person to confide in. I still don't have that person and I don't think Katy is any closer to being that person. I'm not letting her. I ended up sleeping in my car again and went straight to work after waking up.

Work was long, but it went by kinda fast. I went to Ralphs after work and then over to Target. Things were kind of tense between Katy and I for the rest of the night, but I didn't know what to do about it. We met up with Erin at school around 10 for breakfast and I was hoping we'd all take pictures in front of the Christmas tree, but that didn't happen. We all came home instead.

December 11

To my surprise, I slept fairly well. Normally sleeping in my car involves tears and very little sleep, but I was perfectly content when I climbed into my backseat and slept for a solid 6 hours. I actually came home at 9 and slept until 11, ate and did some homework, showered and thought about doing laundry, and then slept for another 2 hours. I really shouldn’t have slept that last time, but I probably needed to.

I finally started my laundry and thought up a game plan for the night, but then nixed it after seeing that the library would only be open until 10. No good. Than I blew it way out of proportion in my head and didn’t know what to do with myself. I started thinking about things and got mad, but then I made my way downstairs and worked on some homework. I ate and finished my laundry, but then I didn’t want to do homework anymore, so I started thinking again. No good.

I hate the chain of thoughts that goes through my head that always leaves me feeling upset. It happens far too often and I wish it didn’t happen at all. I don’t know how to stop it.

I’m currently still upset, but I don’t think I can do anything at the moment to fix it, so I’m about to go drive around and make it worse.

December 10

Sleeping in for a little but was really nice and I'm glad it happened. The rest of my morning and early afternoon were pretty uneventful. I pretty much just sat around, watched GLEE, and did some homework before going to work.

Work went well. Courtney and I both started at 4 and we worked with Amber and Tim until Tim left at 5:30. Then we had an hour of awesomeness before Cynthia came at 6:30. I totally understand being new and everything, but Cynthia is a little much. She rubs me the wrong way and she's lacking a little in the common sense department. I'm trying to be nice, really, I am. Between 4 and 10, Courtney made a number of plans for us. First it was Johnny's, then it was dancing, then it was karaoke, then it was watching a movie and drinking some wine. After we got off work at 10:30, we headed to Ralphs, then to the bank, then to the gas station, and then up to her apartment in Drescher. We ended up watching Sex in the City 2, which I didn't really want to watch especially since I hadn't seen the first one, but I normally just go along with what other people want, so that's what ended up happening.

I left a little after 2, made a quick pit stop in the HAWC to warm up a bagel since I was starving and then made my home, but not really. I ended up sleeping in my car since it was late and I didn't want to wake anyone up.

December 9

Katy and I woke up early to finish homework.

We left home a little before 11 and went to sbux.

We hung out at school before class.

We went to class.

I was being silly in graphics.

I came home, ate, and helped Katy decorate OUR Christmas tree.

I went to ADV which was a waste.

I went to the game, which was fun.

Katy and I went to In-N-Out after.

We got home a little bit ago.

December 8

Opening wasnt too bad, except Amariah was late.

I worked until 9 and headed over to school for convo.

Anthony Evans performed, so that was cool.

Katy and I had planned on going with Erin to get a Christmas tree after convo, but Erin didn't come and then went running instead.

We tried to include her, but she got butt hurt.

I tried to do homework but failed.

English was okay since we just watched a movie, but then I got in a shitty mood because I got a D on my last paper. Not okay.

Riptide went long.

I had dinner with Katy when we got home.

I went to sbux and ralphs while Katy was at dance.

Katy and I did homework.

We went to bed around 1.

December 7

To my surprise, waking up at 3:25 for work wasn’t all that bad. And I wasn’t freezing for the first time in days. Amariah was late as usual, but whatever. We had some technical difficulties setting up the new system for the registers, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I pretty much opened the store by myself since Amariah was on the phone the whole time trying to get to customer service to figure out the technical stuff. But I had it covered. And she didn’t leave me alone to fend for myself for too long, so that was nice. I only got to use the new system for a little bit, but it’s kind of confusing. I think essentially it’s easier, but it’s difficult right now since it’s different and everything’s moved around. I’ll get used to it. I was straight up rocking the bar all morning until Candice clocked in at 8:30 and decided she wanted to take over. She threw off my flow, so I just walked away and decided to do other stuff. I was about to violate since I hadn’t taken a lunch yet, I needed to take one by 9 and it was 8:57, so I proposed I just leave since I was off at 9:30 anyway. So I got to leave.

Scout came to cuddle and I hardcore crashed as soon as Katy left for school and I was out cold probably until 12:30ish. I woke up for a second, but Scout came back to cuddle and I fell asleep for another 30 minutes. I came downstairs to eat breakfast/lunch and chat with Erin for a bit and then went back up to shower and then start some homework. The homework was super slow going just because I wanted to stay in bed and cuddle where it was warm, but I got a little chunk of it done.

Class was kind of a waste. Everyone went around the room and talked about our project: what was our biggest challenge, what was our biggest triumph, and what we learned. The WHOLE time, the boy group was talking and being cocky. It was annoying, but it was especially disrespectful when the professor was talking. After all that was done, we filled out peer evaluation forms, Stu got crappy grades from our group, and then we got our grades for our project. Another A. Solid. And our campaign book was the best one of the class, so I’m assuming that means we got the highest grade. When everyone was leaving the boys told the professor that they wanted to speak with her and that they’d wait for her in her office. Everyone had left besides me and Caroline, so we stayed behind to talk to the professor. She complimented us on our project and said that the boys were probably going to debate her on their grade. She said that they didn’t include a whole bunch of stuff they were supposed to. So Thursday: My group did really well. The second group did really well. The third group did really well, but they presented a marketing campaign, not an ad campaign, they included several slides with just text even though the professor specifically said NO TEXT, and they flat out didn’t do some of the required ads and instead did different ones. What really sucked was that all the judges applauded them for doing something different than everyone else. Yeah, that’s cool, but that’s not what the assignment was. Apparently the professor was upset about that too, so she’s thinking about calling Madison, our client, and explaining to him that they broke the rules. That made us feel a whole lot better that she was upset about it too. And we told her not to let those boys push her around, so that made her feel better. Boys are stupid.

I kinda sorta worked on my English homework when I got home, but ultimately worked on outlining the layout of my portfolio for graphics. It needed to be done, but English should’ve been done instead.

December 6

I opened with Amariah and this new girl, Cynthia. I didn't know I'd be training, so I wasn't thrilled about that, especially since I don't do so well with communicating at 5 in the morning. Right off the bat Cynthia rubs me the wrong way by questioning me and trying to get all up in my business. I understand asking questions since she's new and whatever, but questioning whether or not I'm doing something the right way or trying to point out my mistakes isn't okay. Thankfully Courtney was the next one in and saved me a little bit. She agreed that this newb wasn't the best. I actually got out on time, so that was cool, and it was because I took control. I didn't wait for Amariah to send me home. I just did it.

I came home and changed, several times, and then went to school. History wasn't all that great and graphics was just okay. But a lot of people liked my layouts, so that was cool. English was really hard to sit through as usual, but I made it. After I was done with class, I booked it over to Elkins for convo to watch Finding Kind. It was a really good documentary and it was quite inspiring. It was hard to sit through some of the scenes only because some of the stuff the girls were saying hit home. After that convo, Katy and I grabbed some dinner from the caf and headed back to Elkins for another convo. That one was seriously hard to sit through. I was falling asleep hardcore. I think Katy was too. but we survived.

I came home and went to bed right away.

December 5

Waking up kind of sucked, but I did it anyway.

My car was just so warm by the time I got to work, I didn't want to get out of it. But I did.

The crew by the time I left was solid, it wasn't too busy, and it was actually fun. Working with Yeltsin, Jesse, Maddie, and Johnny was great.

I watched some 30 Rock and napped when I got home and then Katy texted me asking if I'd join her at sbux. I run when called, so I obliged even though I would've loved to have stayed in bed. It was nice having a coffee break with her though. And then Chris Bishop and Claudia came over to talk to us for a bit too. That was nice.

I went back to surfing the internet when I got home, Erin worked on homework and dinner, and then we had family dinner pretty soon after Katy got home.

I spent the rest of the evening on my computer, Katy went to a Songfest meeting, and Erin did homework.

December 4

I absolutely did not want to get out of bed this morning, but I did. And then when I was getting ready, Courtney texted me saying she needed me over there ASAP because she was hung over. I didn’t really mind. It was for Courtney. I like her. The morning was uber busy probably until 12:30ish, but it wasn’t too terrible just because I was with good people. Things slowed down after I had my lunch, Courtney left, Amber showed up, Maddie showed up, Jesse showed up, and Yeltsin left. And of course I stayed late again. I didn’t really need to, but I did.

I was silly with Erin for a bit after I got home. I decided I was way too tired to go to the basketball game, even for the socks, so I showered and just sat around and caught up on TV for the rest of the night while Erin went out to some Psi U party. Apparently there was a snow machine involved.

December 3

I opened with Yeltsin, which wasn't all that bad. I like opening with him. Amariah, not so much. I was hoping to leave early so I could go to convo, and I had mentioned it to him the last time I worked, but it didn't work out that way. I ended up staying until almost 1. Whatever. And I finally went to the bank to pay rent.

I came back home and surfed around the internet for a while and then slept for maybe 2 hours. That was good. But then it didn't help my attitude much.

The original plan: Coffeehouse with me, Katy, and Erin.

New plan: Katy and I would chillax at home and watch a movie.

New new plan: Isabela would join us in chillaxing and a movie.

What actually happened: Katy went to dinner with Isabela, I played on my computer the whole night, Isabela and Katy came home and talked, Erin came home and talked, and then that was it.

It's not like I did anything to change it.

December 2

I had to wake up early to go to Micheals to get new clay for my stupid ADV project.

I came back, made the dumb keys and flash drives, went to class, and then came back home to finish everything and freak out about ADV.

My pitch went well, but then the other 2 groups went and it was apparent that we lost. I was upset so I went on a drive and went into catastrophe mode again.

I hate that.

December 1

I didn't go to lacrosse, but I went to convo. And then Katy and I had burritos and it was great.

ENG was cancelled, so I met up with Katy at sbux before meeting with my advertising group.

The ICC happened, then I skipped Riptide to go back to ADV.

We stayed until 2, I stayed up to finish my homework until 5.

November 30

Work flat out sucked today. The whole time. I thought it would get better when Johnny and Yeltsin came, but no. It still sucked. I was supposed to be done at 10:30 and then train for the new POS system, but I worked until 11, trained, and then was put back on the floor until 1 while Amariah, Yeltsin, and Emory were at Coogies. WTF.

Coming home didn't help either. The internet wasn't working, which really shouldn't have mattered, but I pretended it did. Now that I look back at it, I wasted my whole afternoon. Not smart.

I stopped by sbux, and then went to see Katy, and then went to class. It was short and sweet and Jordan was drunk. That was awesome.

I met up with Katy and Isabela afterwards to eat in the caf and then go to convo. I was silly when I got home, but then I started stressing about all the ish that I still needed to get done. No good. I read for ENG and Katy did some homework, and then we both went to bed.

November 24-29

Wednesday November 24

Opening wasn't too bad considering it was day 4, and it also helped knowing I was only working until 9. I figured I'd get home, sleep until whenever, shower, and then tackle what was left of the day. I got to work with Courtney for the first time in forever, so that was nice. I really like her. I wish she wasn't leaving Pepperdine. Anyway, I got off worked at 9 as planned, headed over to CVS to get some kitty cat crunchies, and then proceeded home.
I had way too much coffee, so I wasn't sleepy enough to force myself to nap. My plan of napping turned into a plan of cleaning, so as I was making my last trip out to the garage to empty out the numerous trash cans in the house, I closed the door to make sure Scout stayed put, but then realized it was locked. I texted Katy telling her I locked myself out and she said she'd come home as soon as she could, but as soon as she could meant after breakfast with Chris at 11:45. I just expected more from her. I would've dropped what I was doing to let either of you in the house and I figured she'd do the same. She didn't end up getting home until 1:30.
After showering and surfing around the internet, I cooled off a bit. Katy went to take Isabela to Ralphs and then came back home with her. Katy and I had planned on going shopping and to go see a movie, so now Isabela was tagging along too. We ended up spending a fair amount of time analyzing out Myers Briggs personality types, which was interesting. I'm an ISTJ, Isabela's and INFP, and I think Katy is an ENFP.
We finally ventured out, ate at the Cheesecake Factory where I was being really silly, realized all the stores I needed to go to were closed, and then walked around for a while until Burlesque started at 10. It was cheesy, but I liked it. I wish I could sing and dance. I can run and read music. It isn't really the same.
We dropped Isabela off at school and then came home were we promptly got ready for bed.
Long day.

Thanksgiving

Katy and I set our alarms for 6 because she wanted to "wake up early, watch the parade, and cuddle." She wasn't ready to get out of bed until 7, so I went downstairs, scoped out the situation, and came back to bed after finding out that the parade wasn't being shown live. The extra 2 hours of sleep were nice.
At 9, we did in fact watch the parade and cuddle. Scout even joined in and it was adorable. We were planning on leaving the house around 11:30, but we didn't start getting ready until 10:45, so we didn't leave until noon. That's okay though. I was super anxious and excited to get to my grandparents' house and was relieved that there was no traffic on the way there. We got there a little after 1, waited for my uncle and his girlfriend and Chris to show up, and then came the food. Oh, the glorious food. Oh! But before that, Katy took shots with my family and it was cute. After we ate, my grandpa took us "kids" out in the backyard and gave Chris a tour since Katy already got one on Easter and I obviously know what's in the backyard.
After our food settled a little, I took my mom, Katy, and Chris to go see Harry Potter. 2 thumbs up. I liked it better than the last one. We got back to my grandparents' house around 7, had some dessert, sat around for a while, and then Katy, Chris and I headed out around 8:30.
It was a really good Thanksgiving and I didn't think it was awkward at all.
There was traffic on the way home, we passed 2 really bad accidents, and I even ended up getting rear ended. A car was on my ass for forever while we were in stop and go traffic so Katy turned around and made eye contact with the guy, but a few minutes later he hit me. Hard. Or at least it felt like it. And I know how to drive, so I was far enough away from the car in front of me, so I didn't hit that one. Fortunately, there was no damage to my car, but I was kind of shaken up and pissed.
Katy and I got home a little after 10, got ready for bed, and then sat around under our heating blankets.

Friday November 26

I actually got to sleep in until 9, so that was really nice. Katy didn't wake up until 11 though. I don't know how she does it. We both got ready for our days, I started homework and she started packing, and then Chris showed up around 2. I probably should've gone downstairs to say hello and goodbye, but I was caught up in editing a radio ad and my hair was still wet and stuff. I did say bye to Katy though.
When I was done editing, I finished getting ready and set out to 3rd Street. Finding parking was a pain, but I eventually managed to get into a parking structure. It was one of the new ones by the mall and they had cool lights letting you know where there were empty spots. And that mall is pretty cool too. 3rd Street was packed and full of crazies, but I made it out alive with everything I set out for. Stuff to make key caps for my ADV project and an outfit for my pitch.
I stopped by work on the way home to pick up my check and see my schedule for next week. I work 5 days, open 4, for a total of 31 hours. That's not really okay. And I have an 8 hour shift on Saturday that I don't think I'll be able to work since I'm supposed to do some service project for ENG. Dumb.
I stopped by the bank to deposit my check and an old one from school and then finally headed home. I cuddled with Scout for a bit, ate Katy's leftovers from the Cheesecake Factory, and then got to work on those key caps while watching Parenthood. I started some of my graphics homework, watched some more Parenthood, and then got ready for bed.

Saturday November 27

My alarm went off at 4:25 as planned, only when I looked at my phone, a text from Tim at 11:56 popped up, so I thought I had hours left to sleep. My phone tricked me. I left my cocoon of warmth and got ready for work. Our house was painfully cold and I didn’t stop shivering until I got to work. And that was only because I had the heather blasting. As soon as I opened my car door, I was painfully cold again. I either eventually warmed up or I got used to the prickly cold feeling. It might have been a little bit of both.
I was tired and crampy at work, but other than that it went well. It was busy, but Yeltsin, Candice, and I had it covered. And Candice is 23. She sure doesn’t act like it. Johnny came in at 9 and I left when I was supposed to, even though I said I would stay since we were short a person. Hopefully things worked out.
Scout and I cuddled for a bit after I got home and I really wanted to get back into my warm bed since the house was still freezing, but I couldn’t. I had things to do and people to see. I was originally supposed to see Tangled with Tania and Rebecca, but as I was making my way down towards home, I sent Daniel and Breanna an invite too. Daniel was out in Long Beach with some friends but Breanna was in. And Rebecca bailed because she has strep throat. Because Rebecca is a hypochondriac to the max and back, I’m guessing it was just a sore throat. Whatever. It’s not like I miss her or anything. So it ended up being me, Breanna, Tania, and Tania’s little sister. Good deal. The movie was funny and it was great to be with Tania and Breanna again. I missed them. I wish I saw them more often.
After the movie I stopped by my dad’s to pick up my tags for my car and met their new cat, Boomerang. She’s big and boring. She fits in. That house is pretty boring. I weasled my way out of dinner and headed over to my grandparents’ house for leftovers. I probably ate as much as I did on Thursday and then went over to my mom’s to see my animals. I missed them so much. Diva was loving the attention, Rico acted like he was too cool for school, and Romeo was a little slow to warm up to me, but he finally did. I didn’t want to leave, but I had to.
As soon as I got on the freeway, it started to rain, but I still made it home safe and sound and in good time. I had stuff to do, but I was tired, so I just got ready for bed and caught up on some TV.

Sunday November 28

I seriously contemplated not going to work this morning because I was just so happy in my bed. However, I did force myself to get out of my happy place and into the cold. It wasn't as cold as the morning before, but it was still cold. Opening with Yeltsin went well as usual, then Candice came in at 7:30, and then Johnny came in at 9:30. And that was the crew until Yeltsin and I left at 2 and Tim came in. Loooong shift.
And then I came home and Katy was home, so that was nice. I missed her. I know it was only for like 2 days, but still. I kind of had the rest of my day planned out in terms of what I would get done and when, but it didn't work out that way. I don't really mind though. What needed to get done got done and I'll do the rest of it later.
Then Target happened and that was fun. Christmas! Our house is going to be so cute and wonderful and happy. It might help me from being so incredibly lonely and sad over break.
Then In-N-Out happened which was also fun aside from waiting for my CHEESEburger for forever.
Then we went on a mini adventure and drove around those shopping centers and then made our way to pick up Erin. The conversation between those two on the way back was great. So incredibly weird, but great. I enjoyed it, even though I didn't know what was going on 85% percent of the time.
Ummm... and then we came home, Katy decorated, and then we all got ready for bed and lived happily ever after.

Monday November 29

Waking up to open wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be considering I didn't get a whole lot of sleep. Opening sucked though. I hate opening with Amariah. She tries to talk to me and stuff, which is fine, I get it, but I don't want to talk to anyone that early in the morning. I'm not a morning person so it sucks that I only work mornings. Dumb. And she always leaves me on the floor by myself and then I can't do everything that needs to get done, and then we get behind, and then I get stressed out that things aren't done that should be done. Maddie came in at 7 and saved me though. I really like working with her. And then Yeltsin came in at 7:30 and made it even better. He even asked me about opening with Amariah. He knows how bad she is. Hady came in at 8, which wasn't a big deal, and then Johnny came in at 9.

I was planning on taking a nap when I got home, but nap time turned into mess with my bangs for an eternity and swiffer the floor time. No big. History wasn't as fun as I was hoping it would be, there weren't a whole lot of opportunities for smart ass remarks, plus I was tired. Graphics wasn't all that special and english was hard to sit through as usual.

Home was good. I put all my stuff away that I had downstairs and then Katy made dinner and Yeltsin and Maddie came over. It was fun and interesting. After dinner Maddie and I made banana bread. That was fun and interesting too. Katy left for dance, we watched some YouTube, and then Maddie and Yeltsin left. That was about it for the evening.

November 23

Opening, day 3. Not so so bad considering it was early, however, it was way too cold to be anywhere other than under the covers. I think it would be safe to say that it was below 40. That's freezing in my book. Work got really busy really fast, which stressed me out a bit, but I pulled through and got out relatively on time.

After getting home and checking my email, I crashed. Hard. I didn't end up waking up until around 2. It was wonderful. After more internet-ing, I ended up falling asleep again for another hour. Probably not the best idea, but I think my body needed it.

I left the house around 5 so I could fill up my gas tank and say bye to Katy since she was leaving for Oxy. Fortunately, she had to stay late and my class got out early, so we both ended up getting home at the same time and I got to see her for more than 5 minutes.

I read for ENG, watched Glee, and then surfed around a bit before reading some more and going to bed.

November 22

I opened. Again.

Work wasn't too bad, but it kind of was at the same time. Well, it was going to be bad because a shift wasn't covered, but I got out in time.

I came home and got ready for my day, read, fell asleep, and then read some more before going to graphics. HIST was cancelled, which was a bummer, but also a relief because that would've meant more reading. ART was kind of a waste, but that's okay. ENG was difficult to sit through as per usual, but I made it out alive.

When I got home, Katy and I made breakfast for dinner. She was in charge of the pancakes, I was in charge of the bacon. I think there's something about bisquick that just doesn't work out with me. The pancakes reminded me a little too much of Jennifer's but they were still better. I definitely prefer Aunt Jemima's.

Katy had a paper to finish and I showered since I smelled like coffee AND bacon, and then I just kind of roamed around online for the rest of the evening. Real eventful.

November 21

I opened with Yeltsin, but it wasn't too bad. The drive to work was scary because it was really windy and really rainy, but I got there in one piece. I was super tired once 7 rolled around, but I made it through my shift and went straight to watching TV when I got home. I should've napped, but I didn't.

When I got tired of watching Parenthood, I showered, forgot that I had lacrosse, and then met up with Katy for lunch at John's Garden. I don't know why I suggested John's Garden. I'm not really a fan. I came back home to check the light bulbs in the garage and then I set out for Home Depot. I got what I needed and then got lots of things I didn't need at Target.

On the way home I started thinking about my relationships with certain people. It was bumming me out and I knew I should stop, but I didn't. I tried concentrating on the music I was listening to, but that didn't work either. Erin was home by the time I got back so we talked about our weekends a little bit and then I went downstairs to read for ENG. I was thinking about going for a drive to finish thinking, but that didn't happen. Katy and I planned on going on a burger run, so she saved me. But not before talking to Erin for a while. I really wish Katy and I could talk like that. I'm definitely jealous of that aspect of their relationship. Anyway, the burger run was a success and my double was delicious. We were kinda being silly when we got home, decided on what we were doing for dinner the following day and then got ready for bed.

Great Weekend.

November 20

I slept on the couch since I got home late, so that sucked since it was the couch and because it was cold. However, I slept in until 9 and then I spent the rest of the day lounging around and catching up on TV. I'm all caught up on Glee, Chuck, and almost on The Office.

I went to the men's basketball which wasn't as fun as the women's game, but I still had a good time. Katy and I went home and watched a movie afterwards.

I really liked spending time with her the past 2 nights. I feel like we don't ever get to hang out anymore. I miss that.

November 19

I opened.
I came home and napped for forever.
I went to the women's basketball game. That was fun.

I picked up Katy and we went to the Riptide event at American Apparel. That was fun too.

I dropped her off and went to Devyn's to watch a movie.

We didn't cuddle or kiss.

November 18

I actually slept in a little bit and it was great. Scout and I cuddled and everything.

I got to work on my paper and then got ready for school.

I wanted to go to school early, so I ended up hitching a ride with Katy. Graphics was cancelled, so I was done right after history.

I got a good chunk of my paper done before class and was able to finish it in no time after Katy and I got home and had lunch.

I should've gone to turn it in as soon as I was done, but that meant waiting around for 3 hours until ADV, so I just sat around home instead.

I went to turn in my paper before ADV, but the office was closed. That sucked.

ADV was short and sweet so I was home early.

Katy I went to Jack in the Box for dinner, even though I really would've like to have met up with Tim and Jesse at Coogies.

Tim asked if I wanted to blaze, and I did, but I told him no.

I didn't want Erin or Katy to get mad. Maybe they wouldn't have. I don't know.

I sat around the freezing house for a while before finally getting ready for bed.

November 17

So I woke up to go to practice, which went well, but only 4 girls showed up. That's okay though. And I met up with Katy and Erin at convo, but I was in a weird mood and didn't talk to them. We got home at the same time, but I went straight up to my room to shower and then went to work on my paper that was due at 4. Erin left and then Katy, so I was left alone to my own devices.

I started having a breakdown. I was just too tired to function and then Katy and I started texting about it, which I think was ultimately a good thing. She came home a little before 4 and I would've like to have actually talked, but we didn't. We stayed away from each other until I left for the library at 7:30 to do advertising stuff. Erin was concerned and asked if she could make me an appointment for the counseling center, but I told her no. I stopped by sbux to refuel and then went home to put my glasses on, and then I went back to Payson to write that paper. It didn't work. I was too worked up and had too much on my mind so I came home. I wanted to talk to Katy, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

November 16

I opened with Amariah, which was fine, but she left me alone for a long time and then things got busy and I got stressed out. And then she stayed in the back pretty much the entire time after Candice came in. I was supposed to clock out at 10:15, but because breaks weren't scheduled correctly and because it was so busy, I didn't get out until almost 11.

I came back home to unwind for a sec and change and then I was off to school to meet with my ADV group. We got some stuff done, but we realized we weren't going to have it all done by this weekend. That's okay. We'll have most of it done. Class went okay. We got another A on our project, so that was good.

After class I went to Ralphs and to Sbux to get caffeine so I could do homework and to get my tips, but I also checked my work schedule. I got Thanksgiving off like I wanted, but I open 5 out of the 7 days of the week. My heart sank, I teared up, and then I just got mad. Tim said it was because I got Thursday and Friday off, but that's kind of shitty. I was planning on asking Amariah for 2 days off before Christmas for school and then a week off after Christmas so I could go visit Erin or Katy, but I think I'm just going to end up staying here. We're expected to work 2 holidays, so if I took a week off, that leaves Christmas Eve and Christmas. I could open Christmas Eve, but who wants to work on Christmas? And I don't think I'd be going anywhere over break anyway. Erin doesn't think she's going to be home and I don't think Katy would've invited me anyway. Not with how our relationship has been this year. She deserves a month away from me. I need to figure it out soon though.

November 15

I ended up sleeping on the couch, which is normally fine, but it was super cold and I woke up several time to curl up into a tighter ball. And I had a sore throat when I woke up, so that sucked. I ate and tried doing some homework, but it was taking me way longer than it should've. I got my HIST homework done just in time, but not in time to make an sbux stop before class. Class was only okay today and graphics was kind of dumb. But we got out early so I could skim the reading I had just in case we had a quiz in ENG. We didn't. And I was hardcore falling asleep. It wasn't good.

After class I hit up sbux and Ralphs and then started on dinner when I got home. Turkey burgers. It had been a while since I cooked, so I enjoyed it. I just wish I weren't so tired. I had an LSA meeting at 8:30 that I skipped in order to do some logistics stuff at home.

November 14

I got to sleep in a little bit and I tried doing some homework, but that didn't really work out too well. Before I knew it, it was time for my staff meeting which went way longer than it should've. And it was some stuff that we really didn't have to go over, but I guess it's good that we did. Erin was out by the pool when I got home and Katy got home right after me. I showered and then tried getting more homework done, but that wasn't really working out too well. I started primping around 3 and was supposed to go over to Hannah's at 5, but she bailed, so I was on my own for the rest of the night. But it worked out. I pulled it together. My hair wasn't as big and curly as I wanted it, but it was sufficient.

Meeting up with Neil and the bus ride there was kind of awkward since we don't really know each other, but it was endearing at the same time. I think we both understood that it was kind of awkward and we were going through all the first date questions, but it was cute. He was cute. We rolled up to ECCO around 8:30 and then the fun began. It was the perfect size for the amount of people we had, the music was good, and the vibe was great. It was exactly what I needed. I needed a night to feel pretty and flirt and let loose. The night ended around 11, but we didn't get back until a little after 12. Unfortunately, Neil didn't walk me to my car, but that's okay. I'd still go out with him if he asked.

I got home around 12:30 and thought about reading for ENG, but I just couldn't. I didn't have enough energy in me.

Im going to formal and dont know what time im coming back, so im posting now. i'll elaborate tomorrow.

November 13

I didn't get a whole lot of sleep since I went out and I spent some time talking to Katy. I wasn't on my game at work, especially considering I was working the opening shift, but I got through it.

I came home and napped for an hour and then started getting ready for a field trip my ENG class was taking to the LA River. I was supposed to be one of the driver's but some people didn't show, so I was able to ride with some other people. The trip was a waste and we didn't get back until almost 6. Ridiculous. And because I was peeved about my day being wasted and extremely tired, I ended up snapping at Erin and Katy via text. It was fine with Erin, but I didn't like the way it ended with Katy.

I hung out with Erin for a bit when I got home and then we met up with Tim and Jesse at Island's for dinner. That part of my day was nice.

I spent the rest of the evening surfing around and getting ready for bed.

November 12

Work wasn't too bad, but it was long. My shift went by quickly though. I was working with good people. I worked until 3:15 and then came home and napped for about 45 minutes because I was too tired to go to lacrosse. I got ready for the basketball game and then I convinced Tim to take me. It was his first one and he loved it. I'm glad. Katy came and sat with us after she was done performing and then we all went to the PIT show afterwards. Katy went to go choreograph and then Tim took me home so I could get ready to go to some party as Josh's house. I wouldn't have gone had I not thought Neil was going to be there. It ended up getting broken up before midnight, before Neil came, so I just went home. Kind of a waste. Katy and I ended up going to bed at the same time, so that was nice.

November 11

So I woke up 7:30 to start and finish all my ish, which I was able to do by 10, my goal, but then things didn't turn out so well from there. People were coming over to see the house at 2:30, so Scout needed to leave, so I took her to Caroline's. I was going to be late to class, but it turned out that Caroline needed help getting stuff done, so I just skipped class, helped her out, and watched the kitties. I left for graphics, but there was absolutely no parking, so I got frustrated and decided not to go. It was stupid. Katy let me know when the coast was clear, so then I came home. It was tense between us and I hated it.

I left for my pitch, which went incredibly well, and I was hoping Katy and I would go out afterwards to dinner and to go shopping, but our vibe just wasn't working, so she opted to stay home and get stuff done. I cried the entire way to the mall but felt better after I saw how cute I looked in the dress thought I ultimately bought for formal.

I stopped by sbux on the way home, but nobody fun was working. I came home and awkwardly sat on the couch with Katy and ended up going to bed fairly early.

November 10

I woke up at 6:30, but then I realized I had another hour to sleep. That was easy. I started getting ready, registered for my classes, and then went with Gianna to practice. I've improved a lot since I started, but I'm not exactly at the point where I'd like to be. I think part of it is because I've been missing some practices.

I came back home, tried to nap but failed, and then tried to get some work done before going to class at 4. I had a Riptide meeting at 6:30, as well as a meeting with my ADV group, so I did Riptide and then came back for 30 minutes before going to ICC at 8. My ADV group ended up staying until the library closed at 3 and I had every intention on staying in the HAWC to finish all my homework, but I just couldn't. I was too tired. I got home around 4 and crashed.

November 9

I opened with Amariah this morning, which was okay, but not great. It was busy and Maddie was a little late and so was Johnny. And Maddie and I were by ourselves for waaaay too long. But then things slowed down and I had my review. I got a little bit of a raise and was told that I could be shift material in 3-6 months. I told Amariah that I think I could be a shift, which I think I could, but I don't know if I want that.

I came home after work to change and then went to school to meet with my advertising group. We got some stuff done, Jordan and I went to Subway, we got more stuff done, and then everyone bailed but me. I stayed in the library until class to work on stuff and then sat through class. We got out early, so that was nice.

I came home and ranted to Katy for a sec, and then went to Starbucks for some caffeine and to read. Devyn showed up, but we didn't talk a whole lot. He was studying too. I thought about going to Payson to finish, but it wasn't really worth it. I ended up finishing at home.

November 8

So working wasn't too bad this morning, but my shift was stupid. I was scheduled 6-9:30, but ended up staying 20 minutes extra. Courtney wasn't in a good mood since her 21st was yesterday and she couldn't get anyone to cover her shift. Sad. Johnny and Jesse came in at 8 and 9, but I didn't really feel like I got to talk to them a whole lot.

I came home and changed and then got to school early partly to print stuff for english and partly to spend time with Katy who had finished her test early. I would've told her good luck, but I forgot about it. Whoops. Class was okay, but I was kind of over some of the comments people were making. They were dumb. Graphics went well and I got a good chunk of my second illustration done. English went by pretty quickly too, so that was nice.

It was just me and Katy for dinner, which was nice and sad at the same time. She made steak and squash, which was quite tasty. I hadn't eaten anything all day, so I was loving having real food. After dinner, Katy and I gave Scout a bath since she had a little outburst of fleas. She was a sad sight, but I think it was beneficial. Katy left for a Songfest meeting, I cuddle with Scout for a bit, and then I went to a pointless LSA meeting. They all seem pretty pointless actually. I came back home and cuddled with Scout and I attempted to read for History, but then I realized I was thinking of entirely different things and not focusing on what I was reading. I decided to go to bed instead, but that wasn't working out. I had too much on my mind.

November 7

I was able to sleep in, but not really because it was only until 9:15. But then again, there was the time change too, so that helped.

I tried doing homework all morning, but I just couldn't. However, I did read for english.

Work went well. I closed with Yeltsin and Jesse and Johnny worked for a bit too. He was being ultra flirty, which was fun, but kind of weird at the same time.

Katy, Erin, and Devyn came in, so that was nice. Erin and Devyn stayed until closing, so they got to see me be silly and spend some time talking to me.

I was super tired when I got home because of the time change, so I did my usual internet surfing and then got ready for bed.

November 6

I had planned on having the day off, but I didn't want to call Cross Creek and ask for someone to cover for me, so I ended up switching with Pari and opened. Dumb. The first part of the morning went by really quickly, but then there was a HUGE rush and Johnny and Yeltsin were nowhere to be found, so I was stuck on register and Pari was stuck on bar. I was stressing out. I was scheduled to work until 12:30, but I peaced out early so I could get to school for our game.

I was super nervous and expecting the game to be embarrassing, but I think we played really well for never all being together before. I'm proud of us. And I kind of wish I had asked people to come. Erin said she creeped and stopped by for a bit and I wouldn't be surprised if Katy had too. We lost, but I had fun, so that's really I care about.

I had time to go home and change before work, so that was nice. Work went like it normally does. Set-up was done quickly so we got to sit around for a long time. And the actual game went quickly since we dominated. Full takedown sucked, but there was a lot of us, so that helped.

I came home and chatted with Erin for a while and didn't end up going to bed until after midnight, even though I was soooo tired.

November 5

I kind of have mixed feelings about today.

I didn't want to wake up to open, but I did it anyway. And as I was on my way to work, I started thinking about the relationship between Katy and I and I started to bum myself out and get mad. But then I realized what was going on, so I stopped myself. Opening wasn't too bad and my shift went by really quickly. I was soooo wired by the time I got off work. I was still pretty hyper when I got home, so I was being silly with Erin and Scout. Mostly Scout. I should've taken a nap, but I didn't. And I should've left the house sooner, but I didn't. I left a little before 1 and met up with Devyn for lunch at John's Garden. I was expecting him to pay, but he didn't. That's okay though. Lunch was nice and so was the conversation and we hugged goodbye, so that was new. I probably shouldn't have ventured out after lunch, but I did. I went to Topanga, got lost for a bit, and then went to Dick's to get some compression shorts and a good sports bra. I meant to get a new mouthguard too, but I forgot. I was late to work, but it didn't really matter. Set up went well and I got stuck working tickets which sucked. It was soooo boring. I helped Kevin for the second half and helped with takedown before coming home. When I got home Erin was asking me about Devyn, but I wasn't really in the mood. I showered and then came back downstairs to surf around a bit and blog before bed.

November 4

I got to sleep in until 8:30, which may not sound like sleeping in, but I thought it was a big deal. I normally wake up at 4, so those 4 extra hours were great. I probably would've been able to sleep longer had it not been so hot and I wasn't already sweating. Gross.

HIST was cancelled, so I got to chillax around the house and work on my ART homework until class at 2. Class was kind of boring, but I found myself being sucked into my project. I didn't mind though. It was fun.

After class I came back home for a little bit and didn't really do anything. I should've napped, but maybe not since I wanted to be able to fall asleep quickly. That really hasn't been a problem as of late. ADV was dumb, and I really should've been paying attention, but I wasn't. I feel bad, but I try and act like I'm a good student. We were dismissed early so we could meet with our groups and we actually got some work done. Our radio script and video storyboard are dunzo.

We met until maybe 8:15 and then I went to go get gas and then to CVS and then to Sbux. As I was pulling into the parking lot, Devyn was pulling out. We just missed each other. I was hoping I'd catch him. That's okay though.

I came back home a little after 9 and didn't really know what to do with myself so I got ready for bed and posted this.

November 3

For what might have been the first time all year, Katy was out of the house before I woke up at 7. I don't think it'll happen again this semester. She had a photoshoot to do and I had lacrosse practice. I still don't know how to play. Whatevs. I'll figure it out.

Convo after practice was long, I came back home to shower, and then I went back to school to do a photoshoot for my ad campaign. Peter is wonderful and I love him. After I was done with that stuff, I headed over to the beach for a few hours. Devyn joined me, so that was nice. He seems like a good guy and he was easy to talk to and I hope we hang out again. Maybe even go out on a date.

English was kind of dumb, but I got through it without falling asleep.

I came home and worked on my illustration for graphics and then went back to school for Riptide 101. That was kind of dumb too. I headed over to the library after the meeting and worked on my illustration some more and then Katy picked me up after she was done with dance and we went to Roscoe's. I was a little afraid we weren't going to make it on time, but we did, so that was great. We inhaled our food and were back home by 1.

November 2

I opened with Yeltsin this morning, so that meant clocking in a few minutes early. Yeltsin's real chill, but I can't keep up a conversation with him as well as I can with everyone else. But that's okay. I'm not really a big talker in the morning anyway. Or ever. Maddie came in, then Johnny, then Emory. Katy and Erin both stopped by, individually, so that was nice. I worked until 11 and then made my way over to meet with my advertising group. We didn't do anything. I could've gone home and slept for an hour. I did go home early though. I downloaded Photoshop and got to work on my advertising homework. It didn't come out all that well, but that's okay. Class was kind of dumb and then I went and worked out on the track. I'm out of shape. I came home, ate, did some homework, and then went to bed.

November 1

I opened this morning, so that sucked a little bit. Maddie was late, so it was just me and Amariah until 8, and then Johnny showed up late a few minutes later. I don't know why, but the morning went by really quickly.

I didn't finish my homework the night before, so I was hoping to get it done after work, but I needed to go pay rent, so I didn't have time for homework. I have to be more responsible with my time management so I get everything done. I don't like stressing out and being tired all the time.

I came home, changed, read, went back to sbux, and then went to class. HIST was just okay, but ART was fun. And I stayed awake and spoke up a little in ENG.

When I got home, I started on Wednesday's ENG homework while Katy choreographed for Dance Team, and then Erin started dinner when she got home. I had an LSA e-board meeting at 8, but we didn't start eating until 8:01, and then I had an LSA meeting at 8:30, but that didn't happen. We were silly and made caramel apples after dinner and then went back to what we were doing.

The day kind of started out crappy just because I was so tired and stressed, but I'm happy with how it ended.

Halloween

I didn't really get to sleep in because I had to go feed Rufus, but I ended up falling asleep for a little bit at Caroline's and cuddled with the kitty. He's pretty cute.

I don't really remember what I did when I got home. I think I tried doing some homework, but didn't really get much of a dent in before I had to go to lacrosse. Lacrosse was fun, but I got a little beat up. After practice I hit up Ralphs, CVS, and Starbucks before going home. I really wanted to go out, but Erin and Katy didn't want to, plus I was tired and had a lot of homework to do, so it didn't really work out. We watched Hocus Pocus instead. I had a nice evening, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't the one I wanted.

October 30

I had to wake up early so I could get my car to the dealer when it opened. I think I ended up getting there close to 8. When I got back to my dad's, I crashed until after 11 and stayed in my room texting for about an hour until my sister came and got me to tell me we were going to lunch. Lunch was great. We stopped by Borders on the way home, picked my car up, and then my dad and I went to go get it smog checked. It passed. I dropped him off and went over to my grandparents'. I missed them so much. They're silly. My mom showed up a while later, so I'm glad I decided to wait around for her. I left around 6:45 and got back around 8.

Daniel called, so I talked to him for a while and then I went over to Caroline's to check up on Rufus. Jordan was supposed to be staying there this weekend, but she bailed tonight, so Caroline asked if I could go give Rufus some lovin'. Of course I could.

I was really tired when I got home, so any thoughts of being productive flew out the window and I went straight to bed.

Erin went to a party and Katy was at Oxy, so I was all by my lonesome. Again.

October 29

I woke up early to go to lacrosse conditioning, but only Chandice was there. No coach. We opted for the gym, so I did 9 miles on the bike, abs, and then I went up to the track to do a timed mile. My time was 16 seconds worse, but I'm blaming that on not running with anyone and having already biked 9 miles.

I went to convo after that and then hung out with Erin and some of her BA friends until around noon. I was thinking I'd get a nap in or something, but ended up just doing laundry for the afternoon. And I wanted to go get my car washed, but that didn't happen either.

When it was time to get ready for the Kate Nash concert, I realized that the top I had bought to wear to the concert was too big, so that put me in a bad mood for a while. It wasn't too awkward with Katy and Chris, but it was a little. I got really tired really fast, so that sucked. But I snapped out of it on our way home and made a pit stop at In-N-Out and then Erin and I were being silly the rest of the way home. I think Katy was upset, but she kept saying she was fine, so I guess she was.

October 28

I probably shouldn't still be awake, but that's okay. Tonight was good. Today was good. This week has been good for the most part.

Scout came to cuddle right as I was supposed to be getting out of bed, as usual, and because she felt extra soft, I seriously considered not getting up. But I did. I got ready for work and opened with Emory and Candice, and then Courtney came in at 5. I like Courtney. I'm sad that she's leaving next semester. She's a good person. Pari and Jesse came in later, but I didn't really talk to them too much. I don't know why.

I got off at 9:30 and then came home and got ready for school. I had intended on going to school early to print stuff, but the print center wasn't cooperating, so I stayed home for a few extra minutes and then stopped by work to get some caffeine. Whenever I go in in real people clothes, everyone gets a big kick out of it. It makes me happy. I like the people I work with.

Class was just okay. We watched a movie, but we didn't really go over new material. It was okay I guess.

We learned stuff in graphics though, so that was nice. Complicated, but nice.

After class I busted a mission to Agoura to get some black matte paper and then over to Kinkos to get my midterm printed. Hassle. Then I realized I needed a folder, so I went home and was just a few minutes late to class. I was stressin' to the max, but I survived.

I was silly in class. We went over radio, so I was doing sound effects. Silly. And Jordan and I were chatting via Facebook, so that was silly too.

Everyone was home when I got home, so that made me happy. Erin was upstairs for the first part, but Katy kept me company downstairs. After a while we started carving pumpkins and being silly. I really like it when we're all happy and silly. I really hope we stay that way.

October 27

Katy's birthday!

I opened.

I wasn't productive at home.

I got a little mad at myself.

I almost fell asleep in English.

I took Isabela to Duke's for Katy's birthday.

Dinner went well.

I took Isabela and Katy to ICC.

I took Katy to dance.

I did my midterm in the library.

I picked Katy up.

We went home.

We took pictures.

We were silly.

We went to bed.

October 26

I opened with Yeltsin, which was kind of weird. We didn't really talk and we clocked in early. But whatev. It wasn't super busy or stressful and I was off at 9, so that was nice. I came home bearing gift, drinks for Katy and Erin, and thought about napping, but ended up showering and cleaning the bathrooms instead. And I had intentions of going to American Apparel and getting Katy a hoodie, but changed my mind at the last second and went to Santa Monica to go shopping for myself instead. It was a huge bust, so I headed in the complete opposite direction and went to the Oaks. That wasn't a waste, but it kind of was. I don't know. I stopped by CVS and Starbucks before class and got to class thinking it was going to be a good productive day, but we had a pointless speaker that used up the whole class time. I thought about going to the library right after class, but headed over to Sbux instead. Devyn was there, so we talked a little bit and decided we'd both end up in Payson after Starbucks closed. I wasn't too productive, but whatever.

When I got home, I kind of sat around until midnight and then the fun started. Birthday! We drank a bottle of champagne and got silly and it was fantastic.

October 25

I slept on the couch for about 2 hours and then it was off to work.

It got kind of busy, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

And now I found out Courtney's leaving after this semester. Real good.

I came home, got ready for school, read as much as I could, and then went to HIST.

I figured class would be a good indicator of how the relationship between me and Katy was doing, and I think it's doing okay. We were silly and it was genuine from my end, and I think it was genuine from hers too.

Graphics was stupid. I stayed up late doing homework and it turns out class was cancelled. Well, we were supposed to watch a movie with a sub, but the movie disappeared, so then class was cancelled.

I ended up between the HAWC and the Sandbar trying to finish my reading for ENG, but ended up 10 pages short. Not that it mattered anyway. I was hard core falling asleep. It was really bad. During our break I ran up some stairs and did some push ups to try and wake me up a bit, but it only lasted so long.

I was by myself until I left for my LSA e-Board meeting at 8, which was kind of dumb. When I got home, everyone was home, including Josh.

I spent some time talking to Devyn via fb, Katy tried doing homework, Josh left, and then Katy left for dance.

Erin and I spent a good hour or so talking about stuff. Apparently Katy didn't give her the same version of Friday that I gave. Katy left out some crucial details like the fact that they were having sex. That's the MAIN detail. I think I changed the dynamic of the house by telling Erin that, but she needed to know. And she was siding with Katy, but now she definitely sees where I'm coming from and thinks I reacted like I should've.

I meant to shower and be in bed by 10, but that didn't happen. It's 11:34 already. Whoops.

October 24

Katy and I talked about EVERYTHING until around 3. I feel exponentially better our friendship, but there were some things discussed that I feel worse about. Like the whole Chris issue. I don't think I can fix that one. I don't think Katy's going to let me.

We both woke up at 9, but didn't really wake up until 10. Katy went to dance and I tried getting homework done, but I slept instead. And I had planned on going to Lacrosse, but I slept and swiffered instead.

Work was actually really good, despite closing with Amariah. Normally I don't like working with her, but I felt she wasn't around a whole lot tonight, so it was okay. And I was flirting with this guy Devyn yesterday, and he was around again today, so we talked a little bit again, and now we're friends on facebook and spent a good chunk of the evening chatting. He asked me out and asked for my #. Kinda cool.

I did graphics homework and meant to read, but ended up creeping on fb instead. Whoops.

october 23

So I slept in my car until 8, went back home to get ready for work, and then clocked in at 9. Katy had to open the dance studio at 9 and stopped in on her way home, but I didn't really acknowledge her. I said bye though. I should have treated her like normal, but I was still pretty shaken up.

Work wasn't too stressful, and I started getting silly towards the end.

After work, I met up with Caroline, Jordan, and Taylor to talk about our project. Not much was accomplished, but whatever.

I came home afterwards and saw Katy's car parked on the street by mine. I took a deep breath and walked towards home. When I opened the garage, I saw Chris's car still there. I wasn't ready to face both of them, and probably won't be for a while, so I immediately left. I headed over to Caroline's and hung out with her and Rufus until 7. I came home, awkwardly talked to Erin and made a few comments to Katy, and then showered. I intended on doing homework in the library, and I did go, but I got there at 8:47 and they closed at 9, so I went back home. Erin had gone to some birthday party, so it was just going to be me and Katy, but she was upstairs in bed and I stayed downstairs.

I was really hoping we'd talk through some things tonight, but I don't think we're going to.