charming

I keep almost forgetting about posting.

I got myself ready for school this morning, fed the animals, and even packed my own lunch. Normally my mom wakes up way before I do and does all of that, but she didn't wake up until I was ready to leave, so I took care of it. I really didn't want to go to school today, but I had to.

My engine light went on again on my way to school, so I met my dad at the mechanic's after I got out. I guess one of the parts they replaced the other day was faulty, so they're going to replace it. My dad and I got some lunch and spent a little bit of time together, and then he took me home. I tried paying for my ticket, but it wouldn't let me again. Maybe they aren't going to report it. Since I couldn't pay for that, I ended up buying my camera and my t-shirts. I should get my camera within two weeks, but idk about my shirts. They might show up when I'm gone. Bust.

And Vanessa decided to text me out of the blue today.
"How are you?!"
"I'm doing alright. Kind of stressed, but alright."
"What's the matter? I miss you! I found a letter from you and I just really miss ya. Nothing happened between us really right? Just drifted? Can we fix that?!"
"School, money, and boys are stressful and wearing me pretty thin as of late. Nothing happened between us besides major driftage. Nothing that can't be made better."

Nothing happened between us which was the problem. I put in effort, she didn't, so our friendship went nowhere. I didn't say we could fix it, because we can't fix it. We can make it better than what it is currently, but it won't be fixed. And I don't really think I need a friend like Vanessa in my life anyway. I've done perfectly fine without her.

citation

I should've went to sleep a long time ago.

I woke up on my own, surprisingly, watched some tv with my mom, and then went to pick up Daniel for our adventure. We made good time on our way to the Natural History Museum and started working on my stuff right away, but when I realized it was taking away from actually enjoying the exhibits, I gave up. I have the highest grade in the class anyway. I don't need any extra credit. I felt kind of nerdy since I knew all about the minerals and geology fun facts and some stuff about animals from all of the documentaries that I watch, but Daniel said it was cute. We were starving by the time we got through the museums, so we decided to go to Pinks.

Traffic was uber backed up on our way there, but we eventually made it. There was no parking in front, so I parked on a side street. Bad decision. The line was extremely long, wrapping around the antiques store next door, all the way back into the parking lot behind Pinks. I don't know how long we were in line, but we finally made it, and it was definitely worth the wait. I was actually able to finish my hotdog this time. When Daniel and I finished, there was a parking ticket on my car. I parked in a no parking 6PM til 8 AM zone, and it was well after 6. It was only $55, but that's $55 I don't have. I tried paying it online and by phone once I got home, but I guess it isn't in the system yet.

I was super bummed on the way home, but being with Daniel helped. We drove around for a long time, took a walk, drove around some more, and then finally settled down. I dropped him off at 10 and then came home, when I should've gone straight to bed. I am so tired.

I love spending time with Daniel. I just don't know if I see him as a best friend or as a potential boyfriend. The only difference I can see is that one is physical and one isn't. I like being physical and all, but I'm scared of the title and so many other things.

a la mode

Today was the exact same as yesterday up until 5. Daniel called asking if I wanted to go so something, but I was going to mass with my family and then out to dinner afterwards. I texted him as we were leaving the restaurant, but he had already made plans. He was at Lauralyn's grad party. I felt kind of bad since I wasn't invited, but he wasn't either, so I felt a little better. And I wasn't invited to Denise's baby shower either. Nice friends. Anyway, Daniel said Lauralyn said to come over, so I got ready and got there around 9. I chit chatted with people and Daniel and I ended up leaving around 11:15 to go get some brownies. We ended up at Norms, of course, and got hot fudge brownies a la mode. We should have split one, but oh well. I took him home when we were done, and now I'm home. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow, so that should be fun.

It was a little weird with him at Lauralyn's because I didn't want to be all cute with him since we aren't official and none of those people know about us and because he used to like Lauralyn. But he held my hand at Norms, so that was cute.

6/26

11:35 PM


I have my laptop, but no internet connection, so I'm writing this in Word and I'll just copy paste it when I can.

I woke up several times this morning, but didn't really wake up until around 11. Nice. I was expecting my dad to have already taken my car, but he hadn't. I ended up following him to the mechanic around 2 and I'm not going to get it back until tomorrow. Bust.

The majority of the rest of my day consisted of watching tv and waiting for Daniel to text me saying that he was free to come over and watch movies. Unfortunately, and kind of fortunately at the same time, that never happened. My mom ended up having car trouble, so I went to go make sure she was okay. I told her she could use my Amex card, and she said that she would, then I had to open my big mouth and ruin it, sending her on an unintentional guilt trip. Now she only has $170 left and isn't going to San Fran on Sunday like she had planned on doing.

I feel bad that my mom has to live paycheck to paycheck. It gets really difficult sometimes. I never want to have to be in that situation or have my kids deal with that. As soon as I get out of school, I'm going to find a great job and help her out in any way that I can.

proquest

SOC wasn't so bad this morning. We spent the whole time in the library doing research, but instead of using their databases, I used Payson's since there were more. And apparently my research question was good because it was used as an example. I then seriously contemplated about leaving, but I stayed for GEOL. That was kind of boring. But again, the guy I sit next to kept me entertained. He even walked me to my car today. Nice boy.

I spent the afternoon with Jillian Micheals and the internet, watched everyone's status report the death of Farrah Fawcett and Micheal Jackson, but no Ed McMahon, and then totally crashed until around 8. I talked to Daniel on the phone for a bit, ate, and now I'm getting ready to go to my dad's. I had a dream that my car died in front of Pioneer, but that's not going to happen. I'll get to my dad's safe and sound.

flexible

This morning as I was driving down the 605 to get to school, I was daydreaming, thinking about Daniel. It normally only takes me a few minutes to get to school once I'm on the freeway, but because I was daydreaming, I completely missed my exit. It was cute, stupid, and funny all at the same time. I was able to turn back around and get to school on time.

I wasn't as tired as I've been for the past two days, thanks in part to my long nap yesterday, but I was still tired. I was seriously contemplating not going to school tomorrow, but I might as well. It's not like I have anything else to do. And now I can't go anywhere.

As soon as I started my car after I was done with school for the day, the check engine light goes off. I called my dad to tell him, but no answer. I decided just to go over to his house to see what he could do. His car wasn't in the driveway, so I figured I'd call once more. He's in Boston until tomorrow. Great. The hour I was planning on working out turned into an early evening of backtracking, reading my owner's manual, and checking various aspects of my car.

I was planning on spending the whole day with Daniel on Friday, but now that isn't going to happen. I'm supposed to get my car looked at on Friday. And then I was planning on visiting Laura this weekend, but now that isn't going to happen either. Maybe next weekend.

My car will be fine though. It's still perfectly fine. It'll get me to school and back tomorrow, and then to my dad's house tomorrow evening. Easy.

moderation

I woke up against my will yet again this morning and had a terrible time trying to stay awake at school today. I thought about taking a nap in my car during my GEOL lecture, but didn't. I did end up taking one as soon as I got home though, for a good 3 or so hours. After I woke up my mom told me I was in charge of dinner, which was scary, but I made it work. I went over to Fresh and Easy, bought some pasta, broccoli, chicken, and bread, and whipped up some dinner. Not half bad.

I watched some TV with my mom, surfed around online, and now I think I'm going to get ready for bed.

I am siiiick sleep deprived. Going to bed at 1:30, not falling asleep until 2, waking up at 6:15, and going to school until around 4 is wearing me pretty thin. I have 10 more days of school, so I just have to muscle through it. There's so much to look forward to after those 10 days, so that's what's keeping me going. And going out to play on my three-day weekends help too.

I just need to pull it together.

And I decided that I am done trying to fix my friendship with Rebecca. I tried, I put forth a lot of effort, and it was all for not. I know we'll still be friends, we've been friends for 10 years this summer, but we aren't best friends. My heart kind of sank when I wrote that out, but I need to realize that our friendship is no longer functioning the way that it should and it probably never will. I tried.

snooze

I had an extremely difficult time waking up this morning and an extremely difficult time staying awake all day. All I wanted to do was to crawl back into bed and sleep. But did I get to? No.

SOC was boring and I don't know the half of what was being discussed. I figure that I don't really need to pay too close attention now that we aren't having a test on any of the material covered. All we have is a project and that's it. So I just need to pay attention when my topic is discussed in class and I'm golden. Both GEOL classes were hard to focus in too. But there's this one guy, I think his name's Brent, in my lecture class that sits next to me that was making me laugh at stupid remarks, so that helped a little.

I probably could have taken a little nap in my car, but that would have been weird. I got out of class at 3, picked up Bre from her work, and then we made our way to Huntington. We stopped by at Rite Aid to get s'mores stuff and then we met up with Jackie, Jessica, Niki, and Becky. I was expecting it to be extremely awkward, since I hadn't seen Jackie or Becky since 8th grade and I hadn't seen Jessica or Niki since graduation, but it wasn't too bad. I had a really nice time. I felt a little weird being in jeans considering I'm semi-used to going to the beach, but I had come straight from school, so I didn't feel too weird. And Bre was wearing jeans too. Some boys came and hung out with us at our fire towards the end, but they were harmless. Faded and buzzed, but harmless.

I finally got Bre home and finally got myself home, but I still couldn't go to sleep. I had to wash away the smokey smell, which hasn't fully gone away even after washing my hair twice, and I needed to come up with a topic for my report/project. I have a topic, I just don't have a research question. I'll ask Brutlag about it tomorrow. Now, I can finally get some sleep. It won't be nearly enough, but at least I'll get some.

Father's Day

It went okay.

I was able to sleep in yet again this morning, and it was wonderful. But I think I'm getting used to waking up early, because I kept waking up earlier than I needed to. And like yesterday, I was able to fall right back asleep.

I got dressed, freshened up, and had brunch with my dad and my sister. It wasn't anything huge, so I figured we were still on track for lunch in a few hours. After eating, I went to go do my hair in the bathroom as my sister was brushing her teeth. She finished brushing well before I finished my hair, but she stayed to talk and hang out with me. As I was just about finished, I sprayed some stuff in my hair and flipped my head upside down to work the spray in. That's when she saw.
"Umm.. Deej? What's on your neck?"
"You can't say anything."
"Is that a tattoo?"
"Yes, but you have to promise to keep it a secret."
That's when she stuck out her pinky to pinky swear. Cute. She asked me a few questions about it later, but I think she'll keep quiet about it.

I was hoping to go out to lunch, but lunch turned into peanut butter sandwiches with my dad and sister. I played with my sister and her Wii for a few hours, and before I knew it, it was 5. My dad and his wife were ready to go out to dinner, but I still needed to see my grandparents. I probably should have gone out to dinner with my family, but I didn't. I ate at my grandparents', talked to them and my uncle til about 7, and then came home to spend time with my mom. I really should have started my homework, but I didn't. I watched Daisy of Love and Brooke Knows Best with my mom. Now I need to get going on that homework. I don't think I'm going to be in bed by 1, but maybe.

And then I thought I was going to a bonfire on Tuesday, but it might actually turn out to be tomorrow. I don't know yet, which isn't good. Oh the communication my friends and I have.

block closure

I was finally able to sleep in this morning, and it was wonderful. I woke up a few times starting at around 5, but I was able to fall right back asleep and didn't actually get out of bed until 11. I abandoned Cindy Whitmarsh and went with Jillian Michaels this morning though. I think I like her better actually. After eating some breakfast/lunch and showering, I got ready to go to my dad's. I can't remember the last time I saw him before today. Sad.

We went to mass, which I hadn't been to since before Vegas, so that was a little weird. I should probably start going again. Or not. Whatever. I hadn't eaten since around noon, so I was starving. We went to dinner at Edwards where we met up with my grandpa and his newest girlfriend. I don't really like going out to eat with him because he is so rude to the servers. Crap. I just missed 11:11 again. Anyway, his attitude is even worse than my dad's. And I try really really hard not to have my dad's attitude problem, but sometimes I just can't help it. We were at Edwards for what seemed like forever, but then we finally got back home. There isn't really much to do here, but there really isn't much to do at my house either.

Tomorrow I'm going to lunch with the fam bam and then I think I'm going home soon after to work on homework. I have to pick a topic for SOC and do some field geology write up thing. Nice.

Fuzziwigs

We didn't notice the "Free piece of candy" until it was too late.

I very much enjoyed how today went, except for the waking up part. I would have slept in this morning, considering I didn't have school or anything, but I had an optometrist appointment to pick up my glasses this morning. I got to the office fast than I expected and was in and out probably in around 5 minutes. I should have went back to sleep when I got back home, but I didn't.

I surfed around online and got ready for my day and then finally left the house around a quarter til 3. I picked Daniel up and then Tania, and we made our way to the Casting Center. They basically told us that they aren't casting people for the positions we applied for, so I changed my application to fit more of what they needed. Hopefully they call for an interview.

It was still early, well, kind of, so Tania suggested we go to the Garden Walk. It was a little difficult getting there, but once we did, we had a nice time. We walked around the stores and the stores that aren't open yet, and then we went to CPK. Our lunch/dinner went well, but our waitress forgot about us and we waited for almost an hour to get our check. We told the manager on the way out and then made our way home.

After dropping Tania off, Daniel and I went on a little adventure of our own, trying to find this new 42 million dollar water park that we've never seen before. We eventually found it, and were pretty impressed. It isn't all that big, but it looks fun. That's what she said.

I dropped him off at 8 and then came home. I'm super tired and want to got to bed, but at the same time I don't. At least I can sleep in a bit tomorrow.

No good

I forgot to post last night.

But... I wrote to Katy last night about my day in an e-mail, so that kind of counts. I still feel terrible though.
Ugh...
Well, maybe I should count it. Like when I'm gone, I don't post everyday. I post when I get back. I write everyday, like in the e-mail correspondence, but I don't post it. So yeah. It counts.

So my day...
School was the same plus a SOC midterm that I think I did well on. I came home for a little bit and then went to go pick up Tania. We went to Downtown Disney and made our way to Disney Guest Services to ask about a job, but we had to go to some different office. By the time we got there, it was closed. Bust. I dropped her off and then it was time to pick Daniel up for our convo.

I picked Daniel up a little before 7 and we just drove around everywhere since we had no clue where we wanted to have our little convo. We eventually decided on a spot like an hour later. But the drive was a fun little adventure, so it was totally okay.

We didn't get on the subject of friends vs more than friends right away, but it didn't take long to get there. I asked him how he felt, and he said he wanted to give our relationship another try. I had been going back and forth on the issue for days, so I kind of had what I was going to say figured out, but not really. I explained to him that I have feelings for him, which kind of scares me, but I don't want to jump into a relationship. I told him my major concerns about the issue, including the fact that my mom is NOT a fan of his ever since the prom incident, and he pretty much reiterated all the pros to the cons that I had thought of and apologized in much more detail about how last year ended. He said he's totally willing to talk to my mom if that's what it takes to get to me. We finally decided to go on a few date dates instead of friend dates and take it from there.

So we're trying out the more than friends option, but I'm still a tad bit apprehensive about it.

helpless

My mom just called me helpless.
She's called me worse, but it still hurt.
It hurt because it's true.
I am helpless

SOC was kind of a waste this morning. It was all review, but I didn't really need to be there. Brutlag said we could leave, so I did. I headed home to grab some things and to wash my car at the Shell station, but the car wash was closed. Bust. I made it back to school on time for my GEOL lecture class and I found out that I set the curve for the test yesterday. Woo! I also set the curve for the lab test. I guess I'm not helpless in GEOL.

After school I went to the 76 station to get my car washed, went to Lauralyn's house to pick up my graduation ticket, and then went back home. I was hoping to see Daniel, but he was busy again. With what? I don't know. Once home, I did a quick work out and then started getting ready. I ended up looking better than I did for my own graduation, and it was all for not.

Rebecca was going to graduation, but she never answered any of my texts asking if we could go together. She ended up not going and I was all by my lonesome. It was weird watching graduation alone, when before I was playing with the band and graduating myself. After the ceremony I went over to where I knew my friends would be and gave some hugs and said some hellos. When I started to feel awkward, I left. Rebecca texted me telling me what was up, and I immediately asked her if she wanted to go out to eat, but after 25 minutes of waiting for a response, I came home. That's when my mom told me I was helpless. I was hungry with no food and I don't know how to cook.

But I am also helpless in regards to Daniel and Rebecca. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want. I keep going back and forth with Daniel. One minute I want to be more than friends, the next minute I don't. After seeing Antonia tonight I was totally turned off by the more than friends idea. But I was over it a few minutes later. And with Rebecca, one minute I'm frustrated with her and don't want to work things out, the next minute I feel I deserve it and I need to work harder. I don't know what to do. I need some guidance.

aphanitic

I tried to pay attention in SOC this morning, but I just could not focus. I was too busy thinking about what I was going to say to Daniel. And then I started thinking about what I was going to say to Rebecca if we ever talked about what was going on, which won't happen.

As I got to my GEOL lecture class, I was studying the information Forrest told us would be on the test. I figured we'd have the test and then learn some new things, but he did it the other way around. I thought it was going to be a simple little quiz, but it was a full on 100 question test. It was all true false, but there were some tricky questions thrown in there. I think I did okay though. It's curved anyway.

Since I had a lot of time until my lab, I went to the computer lab for a bit and surfed around. I'm glad I signed up for the lab. It came in handy today. I was super ready for my lab test and wanted to get it over with, but we didn't start it until about 30 minutes into the class. It was more difficult than I expected it to be, but I think I did well. That one's curved too.

Daniel wasn't available, so I went home, worked out, went to Target, and then came back home where I chillaxed, ate, slept, chillaxed, showered, and watch tv with my mom. Now it's time for bed.

schist

Schist is a type of foliated metamorphic rock.

I almost shut down the computer, but then I realized I still needed to post.

Last night as I was reading for SOC, I was texting Daniel about what happened between us the other night. We both said we were confused and agreed that we needed to talk sometime soon, so I think we're going to talk tomorrow. I should get out of school as soon as I finish my quiz, so I should be out of the area by 2. Nice.

So pretty much all day, in each of my classes, I was thinking about Daniel. Not so much about Daniel as to what I'm going to say to him. As of right now, I don't really know what I'm going to say. I don't really know how I feel and I don't know what I want. I think I'm just going to tell him my concerns about being more than friends and he can help me sort out my feelings.

After I got home I went straight to my On-Demand friend, Cindy Whitmarsh, worked out, and then hit up the internet. I originally thought about meeting up with Daniel today to talk, but after realizing I have 2 quizzes tomorrow and I needed to read for SOC, we pushed it back a day. Mondays seem to drain me, so I ended up trying to take a nap. Right when I was starting to doze off, around 7, my mom comes home from hanging out with one of her friends. I didn't let that stop me though. I think I slept for about an hour, hit up the internet again, watched tv with my mom, showered, studied, and now I'm writing this.

Between thinking about sociology, Daniel, and geology, I was thinking about Rebecca, and how much our friendship has changed. All throughout high school I've considered her my best friend. Unfortunately, because of my insecurities and inability to communicate effectively, we had a huge falling out and I didn't think we would fix it before graduation. I pleaded my case numerous times, finally fixing things between the two of us. I told her I would try my best to be the friend I always should have been, and then the summer started.

The summer was fine between us, our first semester apart was fine between us, winter break and the beginning of the second semester was fine between us too. Then I started to realize that communication wasn't happening as much as it used to. My texts and messages were being ignored and barely acknowledged, which sucked considering some of them were important. Now that we've been home, I feel like my efforts are all for not. I can't do the work of to people for this friendship to function.

And then I was thinking about us being best friends. Best friends are there for each other. I would be there for Rebecca in a heart beat. I remember I had the biggest panic attack of my life worrying about her on her way home from school over Thanksgiving. I don't know if Rebecca would be worried about me. I called her one night about my parents' annulment, and did she call or text back? No. Best friends fill each other in. I have no clue what's going on in her life. I would tell her what's going on in mine, but because that doesn't get acknowledged, I kind of just stopped. And when things happen, I should automatically think of telling her, but I don't.

Maybe we just aren't meant to be best friends anymore. Maybe I needed that schism last year to scare me and make me into a better friend and person for other people...

ruins

The weekend ended nicely today.

I was able to sleep in, watched some tv with my mom, and then made myself some breakfast. I spent most of the early afternoon spending time with Diva and Rico and, of course, the computer. My mom and I left the house for my grandparents' at 4, and I stayed for about an hour until I left to go pick up Tania.

Tania and I ended up at Chili's for dinner, but waited for a bit to hear from Rebecca. She never responded, which didn't come as a surprise, so we just ate by ourselves. It was still early, so we headed across the street to the movie theatre where Rebecca and Jessica met up with us. It wasn't awkward at all hanging out with Tania, but I definitely felt weird with Rebecca. Not a good sign. After goofing off in the lobby, the four of us watched My Life in Ruins. It wasn't as good as Up, but I still really liked it. After chit chatting for a few minutes, Tania and I parted ways with Jessica and Rebecca and I took Tania back home.

Now I have to stop thinking about what's going on with me and Daniel and read for SOC.

moon

This morning I was rudely awoken by the combination of the neighbors' kids screaming and Diva barking at those kids. I got out of bed, brought Diva in from outside, and slept for another hour.

When I really woke up, I did my On-Demand stuff which totally kicked my butt. I felt pretty jenky after, so I ate some breakfast and showered. I wasn't sure if Daniel and I were still going to see Up today, I checked, and we were, so I got ready to go out.

Daniel and I went to the movies like we have in the past, no big deal, but we sat a little closer than we usually do, which wasn't all that big of a deal either since we were cold and we both knew that. We walked around the mall afterwards, which was a total waste since that mall is incredibly lame, and then we headed towards home. We stopped for dinner since we were starving, which was still totally normal.

Daniel said he was tired, so I headed towards his house, but then he said he wanted to go to the park, the one with the rocket ship on Lambert. So we get there at like 9:45ish, head for the rocket ship, and find out that the opening to get inside (haha) has been welded shut. Bust. We didn't want to go home, so we ended up just sitting on some slides and talking for a bit.

We were talking about random stuff and then Daniel got semi-sentimental and apologized for real about what happened last year. Then he was saying that he was scared that we weren't ever going to speak again, that he missed me a lot this year, and he feels that we're closer now than we were back when we were together. I was thinking the exact same thing earlier today, so it was weird. Then we went back to talking about random stuff.

After Daniel said how he's glad that we'll be able to spend time together this summer, he said he was cold, and since I was the only one wearing a jacket, a moved in closer and we cuddled up a bit. Still totally friendly. But then we kissed. And it wasn't a friend kiss. It was awkward for a sec after, but then we got to talking again and it was fine. When it got too cold to handle, we held hands back to the car and I took him back home.

I would've stayed for a bit, but it was already after 10 and I hadn't seen my mom in like 2 days, so I just dropped Daniel off and came home. He gave me another kiss goodbye, but that one wasn't really a friend kiss either.

So I don't really know what's going on right now.

As for tomorrow, idk what's going down. I'm supposed to see T. Lo, but I didn't talk to her at all today. We'll see.

curve

I woke up this morning around 10:50, and it was like the universe knew because as soon as I looked at my phone, I got a text message. After rolling out of bed, I thought about making myself some breakfast, but I chose to do my On-Demand sesh instead. Then I ate. After checking my usual internet sites, I got in the shower and got ready for my day.

Since I never heard back from Rebecca as to what time she wanted to visit Cal, I just assumed we weren't going. At around 2, when I was half dressed and my hair was still wet, Rebecca texts asking if I still wanted to go visit. Yes, I wanted to, but it wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to be ready in half an hour. So that was that.

I talked to Daniel on Facebook for a while and then made plans to hang out. My grandma invited me over for dinner, so I got ready and headed over.

My mom was going out to dinner with one of her friends, so I really didn't want to stay home. But, instead of telling her and my grandma what I was really going to do, I told them I was going to hang out with Bre. They arent really fond of Daniel because of what happened last year, but that was last year and we've both changed. I've been hanging out and talking to him a lot, so I didn't want them to get the wrong idea since I was also planning on hanging out with him tomorrow.

I got over to Daniel's house around 8:30 and we watched Tropic Thunder and some TV afterwards. When it turned 1, I figured I should leave, so Daniel put his shoes and a cardigan on and walked me to my car. We did our usual goodbye hug, but this time Daniel added a kiss on the cheek. I didn't say anything about it, but I think I should have. Or maybe not. Idk. Something stupid and cheesy like, "You missed." But idk. I got home about 15 minutes later, and now I'm on this.

I'm confused. Was the kiss just a friendly goodbye kiss, or was it something else? Do I want it to be something else? Should I bring it up? Does Daniel want to be more than friendly? I just don't know.

frosted

I didn't want to wake up this morning.  I could've stayed sleeping, but I knew I had to get up.  I was working hard to not fall asleep in SOC but I didn't have to work that hard in GEOL since I knew we would get out early.

When I got home I had a little snack, checked my usual sites, and then had a nice little Skype sesh with Katy.  After our little chat I did my On-Demand dealio and then got back on the computer.  I really wanted to go to sleep, but I forced myself to stay awake.  After dinner, tv, and the internet, I find myself thinking about my relationships again.

Earlier this year, Vanessa and I were fine.  We grew really close at the end of senior year, so I felt we had a pretty solid foundation when we started college.  I was wrong.  After homecoming, I we would make plans to hang out when I'd be down for the weekend, but every time something would come up and our plans would fall through.  Over winter break, my calls, texts, and comments went unanswered.  I felt that I was the only one putting any effort into our friendship, so I just gave up.  I haven't seen her since the day after homecoming and haven't really talked to her since then either.

I've been home for over a month, bored since everyone has still been in school, but Daniel has been a great friend and has made time for me.  Rebecca, my best friend, has been home for about 2 weeks and I have yet to see her.  I've tried to make plans with her, and sometimes we do make plans, but, like with Vanessa, something comes up.  Sometimes my texts and messages go unanswered as well.  Frankly, I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of putting so much effort into a friendship that I don't even know they want to be in.  I know things come up, but at least acknowledge my efforts.  I love Rebecca to death, but sometimes I can't help but wonder if she's really the best friend that I need her to be.  I would like to bring this up to her, but I just feel that it would go unacknowledged as well.

24

Out of 25 on my first SOC paper. Not too shabby considering the professor said he grades harshly. SOC was a little better today since we actually talked about real stuff. We went a little long discussing what makes something classic, so we had to skip over a section, but that's okay since I read about it last night any way.

Geology wasn't all that bad either. We took some notes and then watch a movie about volcanoes. After class I scarfed down a half of a sandwich and then waited for lab to start. I feel like I'm learning more in that class than I'm learning in the lecture class. Probably because I'm a hands-on kind of learner. I have to do and see.

After school I payed a bill for my mom and then did my daily On-Demand sesh. I did the same cardio I did yesterday and instead of my regular ab workout, I did some Baywatch workout that focused on the booty and the belly. That one kicked my butt, so I think I'm going to try their other workouts.

I spent the early evening on the computer and then most of the evening talking to Daniel... on the phone. Talking on the phone really isn't my thing, but I enjoyed talking to Daniel. Even if we are just friends and we remain that way, I'm glad I feel comfortable talking to him and spending time with him.

After we got off the phone around ten, I showered, talked to Daniel on fbook, and then started reading and writing for SOC. I just finished, so now it's time for bed.

active

6:30 was more difficult this morning, but I still did it.  I need to start moving faster though since I didn't have time for cereal.  I still ate though, just not as heartily as I would have liked.  I made it to school earlier than I did yesterday, thanks to the freeway, but parking still sucked.  I felt like falling asleep in SOC, and I probably could have gotten away with it.  We were going over theory and research methods, which were extremely similar to what I learned in COM last semester.  During our break I ran into Darlene and her friend Daniel.  It was kind of awkward, but whatev.  Geology wasn't bad at all.  We just went over a few notes and watched a movie until the end of class.  There was some weird, old creepy lady with a beard though.  I think she's crazy because she was talking to herself and to the movie.  The lab we did today was cool too.  We identified igneous rocks and then we split.

I got home around 3:30, went right to On-Demand, and then went over to the G-Units' for dinner.  Steak and baked potatoes can never be wrong.  My mom left right away, but I stayed until halftime of the Laker game.  I came home, putz around online, watched the Lakers lose it at the very end, then went to reading for SOC.  I don't like that subject yet.  I just finished watching Paris Hilton's show, and now I think I'm going to read for Geology.

Rio

Day one of Harvard on the hill.

Waking up at 6:30 this morning wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, but it definitely caught up with me later.  I got ready, slower than I should have considering I needed to go to Walgreens for notebooks, but I still made it out of the house at a decent time.  I was in and out of Walgreens quickly, but I was still pressed for time getting to school.

I got out of my car at like 7:55 and walked uber fast to my Soc class, made it a few minutes late, but was okay since the professor wasn't there yet.  I was expecting some old guy to be teaching the class, but it's some young disabled guy.  He seems to know what he's talking about, but I think he's trying too hard to prove himself.  We spent the majority of the class going over the syllabus, so we were kind of rushed at the end.  I have a chapter to read and a paper to write before class tomorrow.  Great.

Geology was packed.  I was fortunate to get a seat, but some people were left standing.  The professor reminds me of Mr. Nordquist, so that was a bonus right there.  He's funny and is really into what he does, so I think I'll like the class.  We went over the creation of the universe and the planets, and then we were dismissed.  Since we didn't fill up the whole time, I had to sit around for awhile until the lab started.  The whole lab was just identifying different minerals.  It was more difficult than I expected, but it was still fun.  We were able to leave as soon as we were done, so I was home by 4.

After 2 On-Demand workouts, I hit the computer and then crashed as soon as my mom came home.  When I woke up, I ate and got back on the computer, but I should have started reading for Soc and Geo.  I watched Charm School, New York Goes to Work, took a shower, and now I'm writing this, so I still need to read and write a paper.  Fun.  I can get it done.  As long as I aim for being in bed by 1, I should be fine.

waived

Today was cute. I woke up around 10, my mom left, I got ready, fixed up my Munny, and then went over to my grandparents' house for some Menudo.

The past couple of time that my grandmother had made it, she made it too spicy for me to handle, so I couldn't eat it. Fortunately, she made it just right this time. After everyone was full and content, we made a family trip to Costco. I wanted some food for school, and what better place to buy in bulk than Costco? My mom and I wanted to go with my grandparents since we don't have any money, and it worked. We offered to pay with our imaginary money, but my grandma insisted she pay. It wasn't all of our stuff anyway, but it was still very nice of her. We came back and watched TV with my uncle, and then my mom left for home. I stayed until halftime of the Laker game and then went home.

I didn't do much at home except surf the internet and watch some TV with my mom. I should get to bed soon though. I start school in the morning, bright and early. Ugh...

fire

Nothing happened today.

I woke up to my mom talking loudly to Lisa on the phone. She talked to her for most of the day today, several hours at a time. And because this house is so old and the walls are so thin, I could hear everything. I hate it.

I spent the day on the computer and working on my Munny and I spent the evening applying for more jobs. I've extended my search to Whittier. I think I'm done. I'm just going to pray and hope for the best.

3 seconds

My day didn't really start until well into the afternoon. My mom and I finally left the house around 2:30 and ended up at Carrows for lunch. For the first time ever, according to my mom, I finished all of my food. I guess she's right. I normally leave something on my plate. I was hungry though. I haven't been eating right lately since there hasn't been any food in the house. The next month isn't going to be any better. I wont be able to eat until I'm done with school. Maybe that'll be good though. Maybe I'll lose some weight...

After lunch my mom and I went to Micheals, Home Depot, Rite Aide, and then back home where I promptly started on my Munny. I had an intense Munny sesh tonight. I cut the ears off, patched them, baked it, then started the real sculpting. Making it look like waves was a challenge. It doesn't look the best that it can, but it still looks really good. I think I'm satisfied with it, so I'm going to bake it tomorrow/today.

My mom made a wonderful dinner as always, and then it was back to the computer. I was chatting with Daniel after a few days off, so that was nice. We were talking about school, and cars, and screen printing. He comes home for good at the end of the week, so hopefully I'll get to see more of him. He's the only person that I feel I can count on seeing and being able to talk to. That's good though. At least I kind of have that person.

But still, I don't really have a person. Like on Grey's Anatomy. Meredith and Christina. I need a Meredith. Or a Christina. I don't know who I would be in that situation, but I know I need a person. That's what I've always wanted. I'll have one one day. Maybe they are already in my life and I just need to open up that relationship...

pop

I woke up, on my own, a little before 8:30. It was gross early, but I forced myself to get out of bed, do a workout, and get in the shower. I had plenty of time to get ready for my interview, so I found myself idly sitting around and working a little more with my Munny. The only thing I worked on today was cutting off the tail and patching it back up. I think I want to take the ears off too.

I left the house at noon, which was way too early for my 12:30 interview, but that's okay. The interview didn't go as I expected it to. I thought it would be one on one and I would win them over with my charm, but it was a group interview. There was a group being interviewed when I got there, and then there was my group. I was the only one in my group with no experience whatsoever, so I knew I was screwed. If they were interested, I would've gotten a call by 5, which I didn't. That's okay though. It was only minimum wage, and I'm not down for that. I want at least $9.

When 4 rolled around, I made my way to my grandparents' house for breakfast/lunch/dinner and the Laker game. I left at halftime and stopped to fill up my car and to look for sand paper on the way home. No luck with the sandpaper, but that wasn't all that important either. I thought about working on my Munny when I got home, but I ended up just looking at Munny pictures for who knows how long. The head is definitely going to be a battle, but I can handle it.

Because I had only eaten once today, I started getting hungry around 11. Ralphs was closed, so I made my way to In-N-Out. I really miss late night burger runs with Katy. It just isn't the same going with other people or by myself. Shoot, I just miss her in general. I miss a lot of my friends. I just wish I was closer to them, but that's my fault. And that movie/lunch sesh with Rebecca tomorrow isn't going to happen. She has to work. I don't think I'm going to see her before I start school on Monday. That's fine though. I tried. I'm done. I can't give anymore.

flash

Last night, around 2:30, I heard a rumbling noise. At first, I thought it might have been another earthquake, but I didn't hear anything shaking in my room and I didn't feel anything, so I dismissed it as the neighbors moving stuff around. It wasn't until I saw the lightening that I realized it was thunder. But there was no rain until this afternoon, so it was weird.

I woke up early, which was good since I need to get used to it, and I did my morning workouts. Those really get me going. My phone rang as I was resting before I started to get ready, and surprisingly, it was Krikorian asking me to come in tomorrow for an interview. It definitely isn't my first choice of a job, but I think it'll be cool if I actually get hired, which I will, and it will be great. Even though I have an interview tomorrow, I still decided to drop off my application at Chilis. Unfortunately, they aren't hiring. After my rejection, I made my way back to that cool art supply store and bought a Munny. It was a real one this time and not a Mini Munny.

After I was done at the art supply store, I went to my grandparents' house and ate some stew that my grandma had made me. She pretty much will make me anything I want/crave as long as I give her enough warning. I love it. My mom didn't stay all that long after she stopped by after work, and I only stayed until I fixed my grandparents' computer.

Home was the same as usual, except not. I asked Rebecca if she wanted to go get free rootbeer floats at Sonic and go see The Brothers Bloom. I was thrilled that she said yes. Unfortunately, she decided it was best if we just postpone it to Friday when she wouldn't be so tired. That's fine though. That's when I went into my normal evening routine. As I was watching the Duel II, which had a terrible cliff hanger ending, I started working on my Munny. It was kind of difficult and it isn't perfect, but it's okay. I'm not exactly porportioned right, so why should my little vinyl toy be porportioned right? I ate a donut during Make Me A Supermodel, put my Munny in the Oven, and now I'm doing this. I should probably make sure it didn't stick to the plate...

31

I woke up later than I intended, again, but still semi-early.

After 2 On-Demand workouts, I got myself ready to go out. I went around trying to apply to a few places, but they weren't hiring. I didn't want to go back home and it was too early to go to my dad's, so I went to my grandparents' house. I left to go to some performance my sister was having, laughed at her, and then went to have dinner with my mom and my grandma. They had already eaten by the time I got back, so I ate alone. After sitting around until 8, I came home and surfed around on the computer waiting to hear from Rebecca.

I was planning on doing something with her after I was done with my stuff, but she was working til 6 and told me she'd let me know when she got home. At around 9, I noticed she was online so I texted her. She had gotten home 2 hours earlier. She had fallen asleep, but I guess she forgot she was supposed to tell me she was home. I would've appreciated an acknowledgment or an apology, but whatever.

Sometimes, no, a lot of the time, I get jealous of the friendships some of my other friends have. They spend time together and talk, and I don't. The only person I've spent time with and talked to has been Daniel. I'm thankful for that, but I need more. I need more people I can talk to and hang out with. But that's my fault I suppose. I didn't forge those types of friendships when I was supposed to, and now I'm left high and dry. And as of right now, I'm not even sure I like the friendships I have. I just don't know if they're worth it.

flipped

I should've tried to post before midnight yesterday so it would've looked like I posted every day in May. At least I know I posted every day in May.

I woke up a little on the late side, but that wasn't a problem. I did some On-Demand workouts, took a shower, and then surfed around for a while. I finally left around 3 and headed to Home Depot looking for staples for my mom's staple gun, but the staple gun she has is old and they don't make those staples anymore. I thought about buying a whole new one, but I didn't. I then headed to Lowes, but zoned out and headed back home, and then I decided to turn around and go to my grandparents' house. My mom and I stayed there for a bit and then came home.

That was pretty much it. The rest of my evening consisted of the internet, the tv, and chocolate covered pretzels.