Breathe Me

I couldn't fall asleep again.  I think I probably fell asleep around 4.  I was tired earlier, but muscled through it so I would have an easier time falling asleep when I wanted to, but it backfired.  Maybe naps are key.  Maybe I'm supposed to take naps and by doing so, I'll be able to fall asleep at night.  But I doubt it.  And my roommate did end up asking me about my story.  Several times.  And as usual, I didn't tell her.  Today's the last day, but it ain't happening.

I was planning on telling her this morning, but she got out of bed as I was leaving for the basketball game, which we won... barely.  When I came back I felt kind of grody so I took a shower.  When I got out, she was sleeping, kind of, so I couldn't tell her then.  Then I wanted to sleep, but her boyfriend came over, so there went the possibility of a nap and my story.

I was also planning on going to mass tonight so I wouldn't have to get ready in the morning, but I decided not to so I could shower and nap.  At least I got one of those out of the way.  I should be tired tonight though.  I don't know why I wouldn't be tired.  I have the Mae concert at 8, and then my friend's having a birthday party at some secret location, and then there's always SNL.  But I think SNL will have to wait if I'm still at the party or if my roommate's boyfriend is still here.  But maybe not.  I can watch it in the HAWC.

TBC...

**1:16

As soon as I finished writing earlier, my roommate left for some meeting, leaving me and her boyfriend alone in our room.  Awkward.  Just when I needed some saving from the awkward sitch, my RA invited me to dinner with her and some of her friends.  I jumped at the chance since I wouldn't have to be in that awkward situation, because I've been wanting to go to that restaurant, and because my RA is fun to hang out with.  So we went out to dinner and had lots of laughs, then we went to Ralphs and had more laughs, and then we went to the Mae concert.

The guy who opened for Mae, I'm not sure how to spell his name, but it was something like Kaffe, like coffee and cafe combined.  He was really good.  He combined his own lyrics to songs that everybody knew and he got the crowd involved.  When Mae came on, I had no clue what to expect because I didn't know who they were.  I liked their music, but the singing, not so much.  My RA and I had a lot of laughs at the concert too.  We slipped out early and I went back to my room and awkwardly sat in my room with my roommate and her boyfriend.  I really don't mind him coming over, I just don't want to be a cock-block, but it's not like I have other stuff to do.  I went down to the HAWC to get something to drink and then I waited around for SNL to start.  I watched it in the lobby again, but this time the TV didn't freeze.  And my RA came down to watch it with me, so it was nice to have company.  And she kept me from falling asleep.

Now I'm about to get ready for bed.  I should have no problem falling asleep tonight.  I just wish I could've given my story this week.  I just had to bitch out when asked.  And when I felt like telling it, it wasn't the right time.  Just like when I go to talk to that guy I always see.  It's never the right time.  I will talk to both of them eventually.

sweep

Today totally blew by.  It didn't feel like Friday and it didn't feel like a whole day either.  I can't remember what time I woke up, but it seemed like it took me forever to get ready to start my day.  I did look kind of nice today though.

MSCO was fun as always.  We spent all period watching commercials on YouTube again.  And once class was over I just came back to my room and relaxed until it was time to go to the volleyball game.  It was awesome.  Much better than the basketball games.  We won the first three sets, sweeping USC.  Ha!  After the game everyone was gone except my RA and her roommate, so I hung out with them for a little bit and then we went over to our RD's house and ate some take-out and watched a movie.  We got back around 11:30 and since my roommate wasn't back yet, I decided to get ready for bed and watch a movie.  I decided to watch Mary Poppins, my favorite.  It just finished.  It's too hot to sleep, but I really should.  My roommate's still up too, but I don't think she's going to ask about my story tonight.  I have tonight and tomorrow to tell her.  But I'm pretty swamped tomorrow...

backslide

So I couldn't fall asleep last night again.  I don't know what the deal is with my not being able to fall asleep when I need to.  My roommate tried to get me to tell her my story, but I bitched out like I knew I would.  It's a problem.  I didn't really have anything to do so I read a little bit for POSC and I did some thinking.  Thinking about last year.  Thinking about who I used to be.  I am so glad I'm not that person anymore.  I hated that person.  I'm not proud of who I am, but I'm proud of who I'm becoming.  I don't want to backslide.

I'm also pretty scared about my future.  Not so much like my future, but next year.  I'm scared I won't get enough financial aid to continue at this school.  It's my dream school and I'm so glad that I'm here, but a lot of the time I don't know what I'm doing here.  I know I'm here for a reason, but what the reason is, I'm unsure of.  I still am confused as to how I got in, but I'm not complaining.  I got in because I needed to be here.  I just need to figure out a way to stay here.  I would be heartbroken if I had to go to a different school.  If I left, I wouldn't want to transfer back in.  I would be embarrassed to.  If I left, maybe I would come back for graduate school.  But I won't have to leave.  Everything will work out fine.  It has to work out fine.  This is where I'm supposed to be.  It's making me into the person I want to be.  I can't leave now.

**12:28

Why?  Why do I continue to have communication problems?  It's stupid.  I need to get over it.  Like seriously.  I get so worked up and nervous and scared when I have to speak to someone.  Someone that means something to me.  Perfect strangers or friends that aren't too special I can deal with.  I can deal with them perfectly fine.  It's the people that mean something.  I am so backwards.  I can't believe myself.  I thought I was doing better.  I guess I am in some aspects, but obviously not communication.  I'm still scared of feeling vulnerable.

Rich Girl

"Rich Girl" was in my head all day yesterday and today until my roommate offered to play show tunes.  That helped.  And then I listened to a few different songs on repeat, so that helped too.

Since I had a sore throat yesterday I figured I should try to sleep it off, which I kind of did.  I skipped out on convo in return for an extra 2 hours of sleep.  Good deal right?  The only thing is, I still had a sore throat.  I gulped down some orange juice w/yeast and gargled with some salt water and that seemed to help some.  I was ready for my day by 1 and sat around for 20 minutes until I went down to get lunch.  I made a pit stop at the bookstore to get some allergy medicine since I ran out last night, but they really didn't have too much to choose from.  I ended up with some form of Tylenol, so hopefully it works.

I ate lunch alone and made my way to REL.  That class is waaaay too long, but I enjoy it.  I've never read the Bible before, so reading it straight through and discussing it is kind of cool.  I'm not very religious, but I'm getting a better understanding of Christianity.  We watched part of some show that aired on the History Channel about the Exodus and trying to prove that it actually happened.  They have me convinced that it really happened.  I'm a believer, but I like to have evidence or some kind of explanation when it comes to things, so this helped a lot.

When I came back from class I did a little bit of reading for POSC and then totally fell asleep.  It was a nice and very much needed 45 minute nap and when I woke up I was barely functional.  I was trying to tell my roommate that I had read the court case for POSC, but I couldn't say court case.  I tried three or four times, but it wasn't coming out the right way.  It was kind of funny.  I couldn't seem to wake up very much during dinner either.  They seriously need to work on that cafeteria food.  It's good, I'm just sick of it.  I finally woke up when we got back.

I did some more surfing around, tried to doodle with no success, and now I'm writing this.  I used to be able to doodle all the time and I'd be able to come up with some really good ones.  Now I can't.  I don't know what happened.  I still tend to doodle a little bit during class, but it's normally just little hearts and stuff.  I used to be able to think of crazy designs and random things to sketch out, but I don't have any inspiration left in me something.  Nothing.  I don't know what's missing.

I still need to tell my story.  Possibly tonight, but I'll probably bitch out.  Maybe I'll at least start it. Or maybe not...

good start

I woke up on my own about half an hour ago which was half an hour earlier than I had planned on getting up.  That's okay though.  Again, I wasn't able to fall asleep right away.  I did go to bed kind of early considering the past few nights, but still.  Maybe it was that nap that I took after class.  Anyway, I woke up with a sore throat.  That isn't good.  Sore throats are usually the very first sign that I'm getting sick, but I can't get sick.  If I get sick, I'll be sick for my birthday and I'll get my roommate sick and she'll be sick for her show.  So I've decided, I'm not getting sick.

Last month my dad called me up and said that he noticed that I had started to break out.  Good observation Dad.  I started breaking out back in April.  But he was right, I was pretty broken out.  It wasn't too pleasant.  He told me of some concoction that he used to drink that cleared his face up real quick.  Yeast and good ol' fashioned orange juice.  I decided to give it a shot.  I'm not a huge fan of orange juice, so this was just awesome.  It tasted terrible, but I figured I'd finish the can of yeast before I totally gave up.  I normally am sick for Christmas, but I wasn't this year.  I thank the orange juice for keeping my immune system up.  And it did help clear up my face.  I'm still breaking out in little spots, but it's way better than it was.  For the past week I've kind of skipped out on my yeast and orange juice regimen, so maybe that's why my throat hurts a little.  I mixed some up after I woke up and tried to chug it down, but I couldn't finish it all.  I had about three gulps left, but I couldn't do.  It tasted too bad.  I'm almost done with the can of yeast...

TBC...

*12:36

Tuesdays are my favorite.  They're long and tiring.  I was ready for my day by 12:45, went out to get my mail, my last book finally came in, and I decided to grab some lunch while I was down there.  $2 pasta Tuesday.  I brought it back to my room and ate lunch while I listened to some tunes.  I was surprised I was actually able to see my roommate before class, even if it only was for five minutes.  Class went great as usual and it flew by.  I rushed down to POSC for our first test and was out of there by 4:30.  I think I did an okay job.  A B or higher.  I didn't see my roommate after I got our of the class, so I figured she went back to our room.  Nope.  Turns out she was waiting for me to finish, but she didn't see me come out of the classroom.  Sad.  Anyway, I waited around for my next class to roll around, which was boring as usual.  We got out early though.  8:15.  I missed my roommate again once I got back though.  She was at dance.  And then when she got back I was in the shower.  There was a lot of hit and miss with us today.  I'm so glad that we're roommates.  Seriously.

I did some reading for Rel and I've been surfing the net trying to tire myself out since the shower did a nice job of waking me up.  One of my RAs came in to ask if I wanted to go to The Price is Right, and I totally do, but I can't.  They leave at 7 and don't get back until 3.  I need to sleep and I have class at 2.  I had signed up to go back in September, but it got cancelled.  I probably would've been the only girl going, so that would've been kind of nice, but whatev.  There'll be another opportunity one day.

I still need to tell my story.

Another Day

Happy Chinese New Year!

My school didn't do anything to celebrate besides having terrible Chinese food for dinner.  They need to get with the program because every time they have Chinese food, or Asian food in general, it's terrible.  I didn't think I would get sick of the food in the caf as quickly as I did, but I mean, I've had pretty much everything that sounds semi tasty and I'm sick of all of it.  The only thing I'm not sick of is their bread bowls.  But I think they've only had them like 3 times all year.  Those are the best things they have to offer.  Change it up a bit.  Seriously.

I didn't really do much of anything today.  I woke up against my will at 9 this morning and went to class at 10.  I went to bed around 3 last night and couldn't fall asleep, so who knows how long I was able to sleep.  As soon as I got back I slipped back into bed and took a nap for about an hour.  It felt really good.  I didn't do much after that.  I messed around with Garage Band, read a little bit, snacked on stuff, and surfed the net.  My roommate's boyfriend stopped by again today, but I didn't barge in on anything this time.  I think I was being a little bit of a cock block if anything.

At 6 I had a meeting with some people from my com class which was kind of productive and kind of not.  We have an hour long presentation to do in like 2 weeks.  We'll see what happens.  After the meeting I went to go check my mail and then went down to the caf.  I saw that guy again.  He was on the phone, so I didn't want to interrupt.  I ate with one of my friends that got down at the caf the same time I did and we laughed and complained about the food.  She's pretty funny.  We were talking about possibly busting a road trip this weekend for her birthday, but who knows what will happen.  I feel like I kind of invited myself, but whatever.  I don't have to go.  She probably won't have room in her car anyway.

After dinner I faced the cold and made it back to my hall.  I can't believe how cold it is.  I mean, it's cold for California, not for like any other state.  I was chatting with some of my suitemates about financial issues.  One of their dads just got fired, so she's thinking she'll have to go to a community college for a year and then transfer back.  I was kind of thinking about that the other day.  This school is extremely expensive and I don't have the money to pay for it.  I just pray that everything will work out for both us.

Now I have to hit the books.  I have a POSC test tomorrow.  Great.

blab

I'm writing early, but I'm likely going to continue tonight.  That's what I like about Blogger.  You can continue on the same post.

I barely woke up 2 hours ago at noon.  I ate was out of the shower by 1, and I've been lounging around since then.  My roommate just got back from dance, and we haven't really said anything since last night.  I can't even remember if we spoke last night and all we've said so far today was hi.  I'm not sure if I should apologize for last night or not.  I said sorry as soon as I barged in, but I don't know if I should specifically say sorry for last night.  I talked to one of my suitemates about it and she said I shouldn't have to apologize.  I suppose she's right.  But I don't know.  I still feel awkward.  All I wanted was to talk to her about stuff.

Hey!  My RA and her roommate just came back!  They were on the Campus Ministry retreat for the weekend.  I went last semester, but I had games this weekend so I could go this go round.  It was an amazing experience last time and I'm sure I missed out.  Maybe my weekend would've went better had I ditched the game and went on the retreat.  Who knows?

So I've been addicted to the song "Let This Go" by Paramore since like Thursday.  I love Paramore, but didn't have their first album, so I downloaded a few songs from it the other day, including "Let This Go."  I don't know why, but I absolutely love it.  Like majorly.  I can listen to it all day, non-stop, for sure.  But I won't.  Then it'll probably lose its charm.  But I feel that I can listen to a majority of Paramore's songs that way.  I just love them.  I saw them over the summer on their Riot tour and absolutely loved it.  I can't wait for them to put another album out.  But in order for that to happen, they need to stop touring and get back in the studio.

TBC...

**12:17

Oh the drama that can happen without a word's notice.

Everything was going fine.  My roommate and I were talking, we ate, we were talking some more, and then the text came.  It was Nathan.  He said that there was some drama about us on Myspace.  And there was.  It was stupid high school drama stuff that didn't concern me, but some little jr decided to digg at Nathan by throwing our past around.  Real mature.  All of those high schoolers need to move passed it and get on with their own lives.  They weren't there, they don't know what really went down.  Ugh!  But Nathan stood up for me, so that was good of him.  That's the Nathan that was my best friend.  But things change.  We were doing so well about not talking, and then this happens...  I still don't think we should continue contacting each other though.  It'll only put more strain on whatever kind of relationship we have left.

I'm going to talk to my roommate sometime this week.  About everything.  I told her that she needs to force me to talk to her.  She needs to know who I am.  And who knows, maybe she'll end up being that person that I need.

picture perfect

Not!

But that's how it always seems to happen with me.  Boo hoo.  I know, I shouldn't complain, and I'm not.  I'm just stating what happened.  It seems that whenever I get excited about something, or I plan something out in my head, it goes completely wrong.

This morning I was going to tell my roommate to make me talk to her later.  About what, I wasn't quite sure, but probably something along the lines of what I was thinking about last night.  Did it work out that way?  No.  We both woke up around 11, she was gone 20 minutes later, and all I had said to her was bye.  I didn't see her again until like 4:15, after the basketball game which we lost.  It was then that she told me her boyfriend was coming over, so that threw out my convo idea.

A suitemate of mine and I were planning on going to mass tonight, but that didn't work out either.  She was too busy playing Risk to go to mass, so I went.  When I came back, I dropped of my keys, said hi to my roommate and her boyfriend, and then went to go eat.  I was planning on getting some pizza and then heading up to the Sandbar to eat, but the pizza place was closed.  I figured I could get whatever they had for dinner in a to go box and still go eat at the Sandbar, but there were no to go boxes.  I ate by myself in the caf.  As I was finishing up, I saw my roommate and her boyfriend walking into the caf, but they didn't see me.

After dinner I went to the volleyball game which was awesome.  We swept them.  It was actually nice going to a game where we win.  And that guy was working that game too.  I just can't seem to muster the courage or get the right opportunity to talk to him.  Maybe I'm not supposed to talk to him.

After the game I hung out in my suitemates' room til around 11:30.  We were laughing and talking about stuff for a loooong time, so it was totally fun.  At 11:30 I went down to the lobby to watch SNL since I didn't want to watch it in my room with my roommate and her boyfriend.  I was able to watch about 45 minutes of it, then the TV froze.  I went back up to my room to get my glasses since my contacts were killing me, but I should've knocked.  I walked in on my roommate and her boyfriend.  Whoops.  I feel kind of awkward now.

I couldn't watch TV in the lobby and my suitemates were asleep, so I went down to the Sandbar to finish SNL.  I thought it was open 24/7, but it's not.  So then I walked back up to the HAWC and finished watching it there.  I didn't want to go back to my room until I knew that my roommate's boyfriend was gone, so I watched Beauty Shop.  At least most of it.  I missed the beginning because of SNL.  It finished at 1:59, and boys need to be gone at 2, so I figured I'd be safe.  I was.  I made it back without anyone in the room.

I shouldn't plan things out anymore.

reflection

I just got done thinking about a shit load of stuff.  But not really.  But kind of.  I spent almost 2 hours listening to music and zoning out.  I haven't done that in a while, so it was nice.  No revelations this time.  I just wish I could have a relationship with something where I can be extremely close to them.  Relationship as in friendship.  I have lots of great friends, but none that I feel really close to to the point where I can be totally honest with them or be completely open.  I need a relationship like that.  I wish I had that kind of relationship with my roommate.  But I enjoy the relationship we have even if I don't feel completely comfortable.  I don't even feel that way about my best friend.  Sad.

Anyway, the rest of my day went well.  Class was great as always.  I had a little break back in my room before I had to go to a meeting at 6.  Very unproductive, but that's okay.  Then at like 6:30 my roommate and some suitemates went down to get dinner.  Nothing special.  After dinner my roommate and I went down to the Promenade to see My Bloody Valentine.  It wasn't so scary, but it definitely was fun.  I got pretty squirmy.  We got back around 10 and that's when I plopped down on my bed and started zoning out.

***2:08 AM

I made a realization.  I distance myself the most from the people that mean the most to me.  It should be the other way around.  I feel almost shy when I'm with the people that are special to me.  I feel quite comfortable around people I just met, but the people I've known the longest is a different story.  I think it's because I don't want their expectations of me to change, so from a distance, I'll always be the same.  That's not how it should work though.  I need to make more progress.  I'm getting better, but this is a problem that I need to fix asap.

mixed emotions

This morning I woke up pretty easily, considering that it's one of my early days... if you consider at 10 AM class early.  I do.  So I woke up, got ready, and was about ready to leave for class when one of my suite asks to use my printer.  My roommate was still asleep, so I didn't want to wake her up with my printing.  I told my suite mate to use her roommate's printer, but she gave me some lame excuse that I can't remember.  I told my suitemate that I would go make her a copy at the library, and then I left.  She said she'd grab me some food and meet me in class, but it didn't work that way.  After I made her copies, I went to class, but my suitemates weren't there yet.  I just sat down and waited.  Nothing.  Halfway through class they text to say they're a few rows behind me.  Too bad for my food and my suitemate's papers.  

I was a tad upset about it, but whatever.  I went to Ralphs after class, got some milk, oj, and an i-tunes card, which I promptly spent, but on my way out I was stopped by solicitor people.  I should of said no thanks, but I didn't.  I donated money.  I should have given them the 20 that was in my pocket, but I said I didn't have any cash.  "We also take credit."  Crap.  So i donated $25.  I felt good and bad at the same time.  I can't help but feel they were fake, but I like to think that they weren't.  Their brochures looked legit and they gave me a tax write up thing.  So fingers crossed.  I probably won't ever do that again though.  I should've just told the truth.

The rest of my day until class was pretty chill.  Just listened to new music and stuff.  As soon as I stepped out of my hall to make my way to POSC, I just felt really really happy.   I had this stupid smile on my face that I couldn't seem to get rid of, and I didn't know why.  I think it was because I was determined to finally talk to that guy.  And because I was walking with some guy that I had met months ago, and he remembered me.  That was really nice.  POSC was lame as usual, and I left early for the game.

We got new shirts, the crowd and the Pepp Band, so free stuff is always nice.  We ended up losing again, but it wasn't a terrible loss.  We were down by like 14 or something.  The surfing thing at halftime went well too.  The crowd loved it.  The dance team wasn't able to perform though due to technical difficulties.  Poor roomie.  I didn't end up talking to that guy since every time I'd attempt to go over and talk to him, he'd leave.  One day, one day.

When I got back to my room, I was in a funky mood.  Semi-depressed, semi-tired, and I didn't know why.  After a while my roommate and I went to get food and that made everything better.  Seriously.  I snapped out of my funk and she wasn't cranky from halftime anymore.  I had an extremely slow start to my MSCO project, but it finally got done... a few minutes ago.  And now it's bed time.

laggin it

The amount of fatigue I've been experiencing lately is unreal.  I know I stay up late, but I am able to sleep in, so I'm assuming it balances out.  I was fine all last semester.  And there's no way that I didn't catch up on sleep over break because that's pretty much all I did.  I slept and ate.  Now I'm paying the price with a few extra pounds.  I'm for sure hitting the gym friday night.

Again, I spent most of my day either in class or reading for class(es).  I had a presentation today that went fairly well.  We were the first group to go, so I'm assuming she'll grade us easy, but maybe not.  I ate dinner by myself in the sandbar and I saw him again.  I always see him in the worst times.  I just want to see him one day and introduce myself.  Every time I've seen him, I would have to go out of my way to say hello.  I'm a definite creeper, but I don't want to be extremely obvious about it.  Tomorrow night at the game, he'll probably be working.  If I see him not doing much of anything, I will introduce myself.  And that's that.

Oh, and I watched 27 Dresses tonight.  I love that movie, but it reminds me of Nathan.  No good.

New

So we have a new president.  I was waaaay too tired to watch the Inaugural address this morning, so I slept in til around 10:15.  I could hear my suitemates talking about it in the room next to mine, but I was still happily in dream land.

I really can't remember doing much before class besides taking a shower.  I know I ate and tried to watch The Secret Life since it wasn't on last night, but it wasn't working for some reason.

I went to class at 2, watched more commercials and was out in time to get to my next class.  Surprisingly, I made it to class before my roommate and my RA.  It was the first time I saw my roommate, so that was nice.  I miss her when I don't see her all day.  As usual, the class was extremely boring.  I was super tired, so being in a boring class did not help my situation at all.  Thankfully, we didn't go the full two hours.  We got out around 5:15, just early enough for some dinner.  My roommate and I ate, my RA kept us company, and then I left for class.  I figured since it was early enough I would take the shuttle, but after waiting around for forever, I decided to book it up the hill instead.  I made it way before the people on the shuttle.  Healthier too.  That class is uber boring too.  And today we were put in presentation groups for these hour long presentations we have to do.  Of course our group picked the number last, so we're got the leftover topic which just so happens to be on the first day of presentations.  2/10.  Not all that far.

We got out of that class early too.  Like 8:15.  I was able to put my things down in my room and then meet up with some classmates in the library to work on a group presentation that we have tomorrow.  Talk about procrastination.  We got it done though, so that's a good thing.  When I got back to my room I was finally able to watch The Secret Life and I started my reading for religion.  I have 9 pages left, but I'm saving it for tomorrow.

Hopefully I don't run into those sorority girls.  They're still inviting my to stuff.  They need to get the picture that I'm not going to join their little sisterhood.  I'm sorry.

deprived

I didn't go to bed until 3 last night.  My friend was asleep on the couch in the common area, my roommate and I were dead tired, but her friend was still up.  She was staying in our room, so we had to be up too.  That's okay I guess.

My friend woke up early, around 7 I think, and she and my roommate's friend got ready relatively around the same time.  I woke up around 9, which was waaaay too early for me.  But I couldn't stay sleeping with a guest.  I finally got ready and we made our way down to the caf for breakfast.  We spent the rest of the day chatting and laughing until it was time for her to go.  She left around 3, I was finally able to eat, a choice I'm regretting right now, and then I took a nap to try and make up for this morning.  I woke up around 5:30, started reading, ate, finished reading, and now I'm doing laundry.

I'm signed up to do laundry til 1, but I don't think I can make it that far.  I think I'll fall asleep.  Maybe I can make it.  Maybe The Secret Life will keep me functioning.

Waiting Game

Mass at 10:30. Check

Text my bff at 11:30 when I got out of mass. Check

Receive text back. Negative

Go eat lunch. Check

Text my bff at 12. Check

Receive text back. Negative

Call bff at 12:30. Check

Receive ext back at 12:50.

Wait around until 2 to pick her up.

We left much later than I would've liked but at least we got back to school. It's weird having her here.

It's nice having my friend around, even if it is just for a day.

two-fer

So yesterday...
I was dead tired after Nick and Norah to the point of delirium. I was out of it. I can normally make it to around 2, but I was out a little after midnight. I was planning on going to chapel at 10, but I woke up at 5, realized that waking up for chapel wasn't going to happen, and turned my alarm off. I got ready for the day after sleeping in and waking up to an empty suite. Around 1:30 I went to go get a new key and then I was off to class. I really do like that class. When I got back to my room I could not have been happier to see my roommate. I hadn't seen her all day, so it was very refreshing. I sat around and read for a while and then left for home at 6:30. Traffic was still bad and I ended up having to take the 10 to the 605 instead of the 10 to the 60 to the 605. Whatev. I made it home safely.

I woke up early again today to get to my dad's house so we could go to the NAMM show. I was expecting much more. I met who I needed to meet, established some networks, and then that was pretty much it. I was back at my dad's by 2.

I left for home but ended up getting my roommate's replacement Christmas present(s) at Target and picking up some pictures at Walgreens. I finally got back home, changed into some comfortable clothes, and then headed over to my grandparents' house. Nobody was home so I sat around and watched TV until my mom came by. She left and I soon followed, but as I was walking out the door, my grandparents came home. I said my hellos and goodbyes in the dark of their driveway and then I was on my way back home. Nothing too excited followed. Just dinner and SNL.

Tomorrow should be good. Mass at 10:30, heading back to school with my bff tagging along, and then finally being back where I belong.

cheating

I'm too tired to chronicle the day's events.
I'll write about them tomorrow.
Nothing really happened anyway.

Sacrifice

That's what I did today.  But not really.

I woke up early this morning, 8:30, took a shower and went to class.  That class is so boring, I swear.  Half the time I think she's just talking to herself, rather than to the class.  It's cute though because she really enjoys ancient humanities as far as I'm concerned.  It's always good to be passionate.  I was surprised to find that my roommate was up and functioning by the time I came back from class and that she was almost ready to go.  We had planned last night to go to the beach today.  After a few last minute preparations, we were off.

We are extremely fortunate to live and go to school where we do.  Beautiful campus, weather, scenery, everything.  We kept saying how awesome it is that it's a Thursday, in January, and we're at the beach.  It was wonderful.  We both brought some reading to do, but that didn't last very long.  We were kind of sitting by some other woman that kept talking to us, so when we realized that we kept reading the same sentences over and over again, we gave up.  We stayed until my roommate felt we needed to leave, since she had a class coming up.

I putzed around our room until it was time for me to go to class.  As always, I sat with my roommate and my RA, and as always, my RA and I goofed around.  I try to pay attention in that class, really I do, but it's so boring.

After class my roommate and I got dinner since we were starving, and afterwards we came back to our room to do some more homework.  I was in a weird mood, so I decided to eat some ice cream.  Ice cream fixes everything.  I finished the chapter I started reading at the beach, listened to Bush's Second Inaugural Address, started on a resume, and now I'm writing this.  I'm writing kind of early because my roommate and I are going to go watch Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.  I loved that movie.  She hasn't seen it yet, so that's cool.  I still have one more chapter to read before my class at 2, but I know I can afford to not read it tonight.  But maybe I'll be energized enough to get reading done.  Whatev.  I may fall asleep in the movie...

Whew

Woke up early for convo and waited for everyone to hurry up so we could leave, but they were taking forever, so my roommate and I just left.  There was nowhere to sit in the gym, so when we saw a whole empty row, we immediately sat down.  2 minutes later, one of the girls behind her tell us that our seats are reserved for the sorority that wants me to join.  Great.  We get up and find 2 other seats.  Convo was pretty good today.  Nothing too holy, but it had a message.  

After we got back from convo I did some more reading and awaited a phone call from a girl from the sorority I rushed.  She wanted to have lunch, but I really did not want to.  The phone call came and I made my way down to the caf.  When I realized what table she was sitting at, I realized this was going to be a terrible lunch.  She was sitting with the socially awkward nerdy people at the table where they always sit.  I knew she was a little weird, but this was too much.  Most awkward lunch ever.  Maybe not ever, but it was bad.

I got back to my room and finished reading, went to class for 3 hours, came back to my room and read for poly sci/ hung out with my roommate, and then when we couldn't handle it anymore, we went to dinner.  We ate with one of our guy friends and things got a little out of hand once dessert rolled around.  My roommate and I make sexual innuendos all the time, so tonight was no exception.  It was great.  By the time we got back to our hall I realized I had dropped my key somewhere, so I retraced my steps but couldn't find it.  My roommate went to look for it as I officially turned down the sorority bid, and then I went out to meet her.  She was stuck talking to some creeper.  I tried to save her, but he ended up just coming with us.  No luck.  I'll call around tomorrow.

After my roommate left for dance, I went into my suitemates' room to say hi and we ended up goofing around for 2 hours.  I had reading to do, but it didn't get done.  I'd have to say it was one of the most fun nights I've had in a while.

Rush

Looong haul today.  2-9, and it wasn't as brutal as I thought it would be, but it was still pretty hard.  I absolutely love my 2 o'clock class, so that was totally fine.  2-3:50, easy breezy.  I made it down to my next class in 6 minutes, but that class sucked.  The only good thing about it is my roommate and my RA are in it with me.  It's extremely boring.  I hope it gets better, but we'll see.  I don't know how long it took me to get to my next class, but I got there in time.  I booked it up that big hill though.  That sucked too.  That class wasn't as boring as my middle class, but it still was pretty boring.  3 hours of theory is going to be harsh as the semester goes on.

After I was finally done with all my classes I was able to come back to my room and finally eat something.  Beefaroni won over the other Chef Boyardee (sp) choices.  I hung out with some of the girls in my hall for a while then hung out with my roommate.  I was trying to get reading done, but then decided to shower instead.  And now I'm writing this.  We'll see if I get the reading done or not.  I think I will.

flash

Where did the day go?  I woke up around 9 and went to class at 10, was out by 11:30, and I was done with class for the day.  I went back up to my room, and to my surprise, my roommate was awake and functioning.  Normally, if we don't have to wake up early, we'll sleep until noon.

I made some phone calls to my parental units about the whole sorority deal and about my decision about it.  I wasn't going to join.  I think it's the right choice.  I feel bad about it though.  Oh well.  After my phone calls and some reading, I went down to check my mail.  I got a package, but the office was closed for another half hour, so I couldn't pick it up.

I'm going to the Namm show this weekend and I need something nice to wear, so I figured I'd go shopping today and find me something.  I left a little after two, but my trip was a bust.  I found two cute tops at Pacsun, but those weren't for the Namm show.  Borders was closed, like nothing in the building closed, Barnes & Nobles was seriously lacking in their music and movies selection, and Macy's was having some sort of liquidation sale with crappy leftover stuff.  I haven't been having much luck with shopping lately.  I normally love shopping, but I haven't really been buying stuff lately.  Nothing has really been crying out at me, and when something does, it's waaaay too expensive.  I'm a broke college kid, I can't be buying expensive things.  I much rather buy people things than myself things.  But I'm terrible with gifts.  I never know what to get people.

So the sorority bid dinner thing was tonight, and I didn't show up.  I flat out didnt show.  They called, I didn't answer.  I'll call one of them tomorrow and explain.  In the voicemail she said something about giving me some memorabilia before I commit, but I don't want any of their stuff if I know I'm not going to commit.  I feel bad, but that's just they way it's going to happen.  I couldn't have gone tonight anyway.  I had way too much reading to do.  I still have lots left.  Will I do it?  I don't know.

Confusion

I don't know what I want.  

It's this sorority business.  When I was invited to Spring Recruitment from this particular sorority, I was less than enthusiastic.  Even my suitemates were giving me crap about rushing that sorority.  I went to their first rush event, and it was a lot of fun.  The girls were really nice.  Not the most beautiful, popular, or party hopping of the sororities, but they're good people.  I like good people.  But as soon as I got back, my suitemates gave me crap about it again.  Yesterday I kind of decided that I wasn't going to join something that I would be embarrassed about being in.  Like I mentioned earlier, I was less than enthusiastic about this sorority because of my preconceived notions, and because of my suitemates' notions as well.  But they're good people.  I like good people.

After reading for Intro to Advertising, I got ready and went to another rush event.  I thought we were going out to dinner, but we just went and ate up at the graduate campus and mingled.  Before I knew it I was back down in my hall reading for Intro to Advertising and then my phone rings.  It was one of the girls from the sorority.  She handed me a bid.  

I don't know what to do.  First off, I don't know if I can afford it.  Second, I don't want to be embarrassed.  I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but I do.  A lot.  But I mean, if I like the girls, why should I be embarrassed to be in a group with them?  They're good people.  I like good people.  Third, one of my best friends from high school joined a sorority and she's a completely different person.  We don't even talk anymore.  I don't even know if I would call us friends.

I need to make some phone calls tomorrow to get some guidance before I make my decision.  I have until 9 tomorrow night.  I hope I make the right one.

Woo!

We did it!

We finally won a home game!  Actually, we won two!  Back to back!  It was amazing!

The woman's game was awesome.  We were down by six at halftime then by the last five or so minutes we were up by 14.  That didn't last long.  They ended up being ahead of us by three with about 6 seconds left.  We made a three pointer at the buzzer, sending us into overtime.  Overtime went pretty much the same way.  We beat them by 1 with just a few seconds left.  Very dramatic.

With the men's game, we were pretty much winning the entire time, with a few close calls here and there.  There were definitely a few nail biter moments, but with all the energy from the crowd, there was no way we could lose.  We were up by about 8 with 1 minute on the clock, but the other team kept fouling to get more chances.  At the buzzer they made a miraculous shot from across the court, but it wasn't enough.  We still beat them by two.

And now my roommate and I are going to watch SNL.  How I love that show. 

Chill

I slept in today, forgetting that there was celebration chapel at 10.  Whoops.  It isn't mandatory, but I like to go to that one since it is much more fun than convo on Wednesdays.  I'll just go to both next week since I didn't go to either this week.  I didn't sleep in too late today though.  I was out of bed by 10:30, ate breakfast, and showered.  I just hung around the suite with my roommate after she came back from class and one of our suitemates.  My RA was hungry, and so was I, so we left them and went to lunch.

We had lunch with some of her friends who were really good company.  My RA is super funny, and so are her friends, so we had a good laugh at the lunch table.  We were talking about the possibility of us having twins, and all about their lives.  Random, but fun.

My class today was awesome.  I can tell it's going to be a lot of work, but it's going to be well worth it.  My professor is extremely enthusiastic and I can tell she's very passionate about what she does.  That's how all professors should be.

After class I went and got my mail and hung out back in my room until around 6.  At 6 I decided to go to the sorority thing.  Surprisingly, I had a lot of fun.  The girls were great, but I don't know if that sorority is for me.  Or if greek life in general is for me.  Maybe I'll go to one more event and see how that goes.  

I ended up staying with the sorority girls til a little after 9, and when I got back to my suite, everyone was gone.  My RA was at the Laugh Factory, idk where her roommate was, my suitemates in the room next to theirs were idk where, the girls next to my room were at the movies, and my roommate was at Wicked... under pretty funny and sad circumstances.  So I've been in my room, listening to the wind hit the window screen and slowly become drowsy.  I think I'm going to get ready for bed, but I won't go to bed until after my roommate comes back.  I'll give it until midnight, then I'll check to see if she's okay and doesn't need rescuing. 

Softer than the Sheets

What a day.

I had class at 10 with some of my suite mates until about 11:30.  Brutal.  It was just an introductory class, but it was extremely boring.  I have no clue how I'm going to make it through an hour and a half twice a week of ancient history.  My friends will make it worth while, I'm sure.

After class I sat around for a while, trying not to wake my roommate who was still asleep.  We're pretty much on the same clock.  We like to stay up late and we like to sleep well into the hours of the day.  Only I couldn't today.  It's all good though.  I can sleep in tomorrow since my class isn't until 2.

After she was up and functional, I went down to the post office to mail a friend her Christmas present since I didn't get to see her over break.  I didn't really get to see any of my friends, but that's okay I guess.  After the post office, I went next door to CVS to get some lotion for my tattoo and to pick up some face wash for one of my suite mates.  When I got back to the room, I realized  I had forgotten to buy some super glue to fix my glasses.  Fortunately, my roommate was kind enough to get me some when she went down to the bookstore to buy her textbooks.  I need to buy one tomorrow since one of the books I ordered on Amazon is the wrong edition.  Whoops.

The class that I need the book for was long too.  2 hours, and he took up all 2 hours.  I don't know how that's going to work for me on Tuesdays.  Hopefully it'll work out fine, but I'm not so sure about that.  My roommate and one of my RAs are in that class, so I sat with them.  We also had dinner together afterwards and then headed back to our hall.

Again, I sat around for a while until it was time for me to go back down to the cafeteria to get ready for the big pep rally.  I figured nobody would go, but a good number of students ended up going, so that was kind of nice.  We weren't playing to an empty room.  It lasted longer than I had hoped and my chops were absolutely done by the end of the rally, but we got donuts after, so it was all worth it.  Not.  During the pep rally, my hall was having an ice cream party and were handing out hall apparel.  Again, my roommate was kind enough to pick my stuff up for me and she even made me a sundae and saved it in the freezer for when I got back.

On my way back up to the hall, I ran into some guy that I always seem to run into.  I see him everywhere.  Everywhere.  The gym, the sandbar, the caf, just walking around, everywhere.  So I was going to give it a few more steps, since we were walking in the same direction, but then I get stopped by two girls.  They're in the Gamma Phi Beta sorority and they hand me an invite to rush.  Meanwhile, that guy continues walking, and there goes my opportunity.  So apparently, spring rush is very selective and you have to be invited to rush.  So this is kind of a big deal.  I wasn't planning on rushing, because of money issues, and Gamma Phi really doesn't interest me.  I'm thinking about going to the event tomorrow night just so it doesn't look like I completely blew them off, but that's it.  If I was meant to rush a sorority, one that interests me will send me an invite.

Back

I was finally back at school for a full day today.  It felt like I had never left, but it didn't feel the same either.  It wasn't as busy as it normally is.  But I was only outside for about an hour and I bet people still aren't back to school yet.

I spent most of my day in bed.  It was nice.  Last semester I had two 8 AMs, two 2 PMs, and one 12 o'clock class, so I was out of bed at a fairly decent hour, except for the 2 o'clock days.  This semester I have three 2 PMs and two 10 AMs.  Today was one of the 2 PMs so I slept well after 11.  I only have one class Wednesdays, but it's three hours, so I don't know how well that's going to go.  We got out early today, but I'm not sure how often that's going to happen. 

The rest of the time I was awake I was in.  Laying down or sitting, I was in or on my bed.  It's little compared to the ones I have at home, yes ones, since I have about 3 homes, but I like it.  I think it's comfortable and I missed it while I was on break.  Silly college.  It's made me different person.  A better person.

Dead

Looong day.  I woke up an hour earlier than I had planned, but I think it worked out better that way.  I woke up, heated up some breakfast, got in the shower, and was out by 10.  I spent about an hour and a half getting the rest of my things together for school and spending some last minute time with my pets.  I was on the road by 11:45.  I got back to school at 1 and I was even able to fit in a trip to the market.  I unpacked, broke my glasses, and relaxed for a few minutes, then it was off to the airport.

Instead of picking just one friend up at 3:45, I had to pick up her friend too.  She had soooo much luggage!  It barely fit into the car, but we made it work.  We walked across the street to grab something to eat, then took the shuttle back to the airport to pick my roommate up.  It was a challenge getting her stuff into the car too.  But we did it.  Traffic sucked majorly, but we got home safe and sound.  Maybe around 7:15.  

I am dead tired.  I guess it's a combo of staying up late, waking up early, and driving around all day.  It's still early right now, but I think I should go to bed pretty soon.  I haven't decided yet if I want to go to convo or not tomorrow.  I probably should.  We'll see what happens.

Mission Accomplished

I just finished packing all of my ish for school tomorrow.  I am soooo excited to go back.  My plans changed a little though.  I was planning on leaving around noon, going to the market, getting to school, unpacking, then leaving for the airport around 4:15 to pick up my roommate, but I'm not.  I'm leaving for school as soon as I'm ready, possibly going to the market, getting to school, unloading, leaving for the airport by 2:30 to pick up a friend, cruising around LAX until 5:30 to pick up my roommate, then finally heading back to school.  Whatev.  It's all good.

So my day today... It started with a wonderful breakfast made by my mother, then followed up with a mini nap.  I couldn't help it.  Syrup makes me sleepy and my bed was so warm.  I finally got in the shower and my mom and I were on the road by 2.  We paid some bills, swung over to my grandparents' house real quick to pick up some Christmas cash, then went to the bank.  I was planning on turning my savings account into a checking account since I'm 18, but there was drama, so I couldn't do that.  I had to open a whole new savings account, but that's fine.  I got a free juicer out of it.  Then we were on our way back to my grandparents' house, but I suggested we go get my tattoo instead.  So we did.

I was pretty scared when we got there, but I tried not to show it.  I was surprised that they were able to do it right away.  Prep was about 20-30 minutes, and the tattoo was about 30-40 minutes.  I was prepared for it to hurt really bad, but it was a piece of cake.  I got a small tattoo on the back of my neck and it felt just as if someone were scratching my with a really sharp pencil.  A little irritating, but not painful.  It looks pretty awesome.  I'm very happy with it.

We were supposed to go to my grandparents' house, but we went home, had some dinner, made some apple crisp, and got to my grandparents' just in time for the season premier of The Secret Life of the American Teenager.  We all had some apple crisp and went back home when it was over.  And I've been packing and stuff since then.

I have a long day of driving tomorrow, so goodnight.

Family and a Half

So I woke up in time for mass this morning, went, and started walking towards the door thinking I wouldn't see my dad and his family until after mass, but no. As soon as I turn the corner, there they are getting out of the car. No biggy. I was nice and sat with them. We even brought the gifts up like one big happy family. I feel incredibly awkward when I bring the gifts up. I've only had to do it three times, but each time I feel like everyone's judging me and like we're supposed to pretend we're holier than though. We aren't. My parents are divorced, my dad remarried and is trying to get his previous marriage annulled, I have a half sister, I've made mistakes. We aren't perfect. After mass ended I drove my sister home and met up with my dad and his wife at his house.

We all went to lunch at 1 and met up with my dad's sister-in-law and her family. Awkward. I was kinda forced to sit in the middle of their family, next to some woman I had never met and my sister's cousin who's three years older than I am. Finally we left. The drive home was awkward too. My sister rode with her aunt, uncle, and cousins, so I was stuck in the back seat with my dad and his wife. When we got back to my dad's house, we had another Christmas sesh, since my dad and his family were away for Christmas and his wife's family hadn't seen them yet. My sister got some doll that pees and poops, so she was all excited... until it wouldn't stop peeing and talking. That's how she was. After a while the other family left and shortly after I left for home. My dad asked if I needed any money, and I should've said yes being a broke college student and all, but as always, I said no. I have enough money to last me, but it'd be nice to have a little bit of spending money.

When I got home it was back to the computer, but not as bad as it's been. I spent most of the evening just hanging out with my mom. She has the day off tomorrow, so we're going to go run some errands and hopefully go get my tattoo.

Adventure!

I woke up around 10:30 and immediately got online. It's a problem. I spend too much time online. But not so much while I'm at school. I normally sleep at school. Anyway, as I put my laptop down and got up to make myself some breakfast, my grandpa called and asked if I wanted to go out to eat with them. You see, my plan was to eat, shower, then go see about getting my tattoo, but free food trumped expensive pain. I jumped in the shower and met my grandparents at their house. We ended up driving to downtown LA and ate at Barragans. Afterwords we drove down Whittier Blvd. to some pan dulce place and loaded up on sweets. I ate mine in the car. As soon as I get back to school, I'm going on a serious diet until my birthday. A month ain't so bad. We got home I don't remember when, then my mom stopped by after work. We stayed maybe til 6 or 7.

When I got home it was back to the computer. FusionFall, the beta game I'm addicted to, is killing me. I love it. When it started getting late I turned on SNL and waitched that and then watched a little bit of an episode on E!. I really should get to bed. I have to wake up for mass in the morning. I should have gone tonight, but oh well. I should start getting up at a decent time. 9 is a good start.

Where to?

I woke up this morning around 9:30 when I really should have woken up at 9.  I had an appointment to get my haircut at 11 and I wanted to leave at 10, but I ended up leaving at 10:15.  I still got there with plenty of time, as always, but I still like to be safe.  I finally got my haircut after 4 months.  I was way over due and I'm glad it's finally cut.  I just needed to get it thinned out.  My hair is super thick and there's a lot of it, so it gets pretty tiring when I'm trying to make it look decent.  I should have had her cut my bangs a little shorter, but I can trim them later if I feel like it.  I was done a little after 11:30 and didn't really know what to do after wards, so I just drove.  I ended up at a music store and bought a capo for my uke.  I headed towards home, but I changed my mind and completely turned around and headed for the mall.  I didn't need anything, but I needed to finish my Christmas shopping.  I know it's a week after Christmas, but I can get away with it since I won't see my friends until next week when we all get back to school.  I found them some stuff and looked around for myself, but I didn't get anything.  I usually love shopping, but I haven't really enjoyed it lately.  It's a little weird.  There's a store back by school that I want to raid next weekend, so I'm looking forward to that.  After the mall I headed home again, but I was hungry, so I stopped in at my grandparents' house in hopes they had food.  My grandma made me a burrito and I stayed until around 4:30.  Then I came home and just hung out.  Nothing special.

I really want to get a tattoo before I go back to school on Tuesday.  I'm either going to get it tomorrow, or Monday.  I want my mom to go with me though.  Lame.  But she's gotten a few, so she knows what's up.  If I get it tomorrow, it'll be by myself, and if I get it Monday, she'll probably go with me.  We'll see how that goes.

A New Year

I've been writing a blog everyday since September 2007, but on Myspace.  On occasion I would post one on Mix, but that's it.  On Mix, I didn't know anyone, so I was free to write whatever I wanted.  On Myspace, I have hundreds of people I know, so I need to be careful about what I say.  Some days I would spill my guts and set that particular entry on private so only I could see it.  Others I would set it to preferred readers so only a handful of people could pick my brain.  Everything else my friends could read.  But that isn't a blog.  I should be free to write whatever I want and have whoever read it if they so please.  That's why I'm changing my medium to Blogger.  If somebody wants to read this, they can.  I'm not holding anything back.  For the most part, I'll probably be writing about my day, maybe throwing in some deeper stuff here and there.

Last night I rang in the new with Bre and her family.  It was at some random city function, but it beat staying home eating ice cream, pretty much what I did last year.  It was a little on the lame side, but being out with a friend made it all better.  I got home around 12:30 and was extremely tired for some reason.  That isn't even late for me.  Late is probably around 2:20.  I ended up sleeping in 'til noon and just sat around until maybe 5.  Then I actually started getting ready for my day to begin.  My mom and I went out to dinner at Kabuki's in Pasadena.  As always, I ate too much, but it was mighty tasty.  We got home around 9, and I plopped down in front of the computer and started checking my social networks.  Typical.  BUT, I discovered some cool video game that I'm pretty much addicted to now.  It's a trial run of some Cartoon Network game.  I'm not one for video games, but when you're on winter break and all of your friends ignore your suggestions for getting together, a video game is nice company.

I have 2 free days before I go back to school and I doubt any of my friends will come through.  Sad.  So I saw Rebecca 2 weeks ago for about 3 hours and I saw Bre last night for about 3 hours.  I thought I had more friends than that, but oh well.  Actually, I do.  But they're spread out across the country.  I'll get to see them as soon as I get back to school on Tuesday.  I cannot wait!