september

• duraceLL
  

  i spend way too much time on myspace. i mean, way to much. i couLd be studying for my SATs on saturday, or reading for my book report due monday, but no. i have to sit in front of the stupid computer on myspace.
  tomorrow i'LL probabLy just get on to write a bLog since i'LL be out shopping and doing homework after schooL. hopefuLLy i'LL find something :]
  
  
  reaLLy?
• so today didn't feeL like saturday. i don't know what it feLt like.
  practice went much better then i expected. it didn't seem 5 hours long and it was productive. but i had a major case of the deLgadiLLos going on. i was tired beyond beLief from last night and i was starving. not a good mix. so i stuffed my face and took a nap when i got home. but then the rest of the evening kinda just bLew by. and i'm stiLL tired beyond beLief.
  maybe tomorrow wiLL reaLLy feeL like sunday.
  
  
  fajiti
• tonight cannot be described. it was way too fun. there's aLways fun to be had when the pepinos get together. but i am SPENT!
  
  
  it’s a hit
• umm... i feeL bad cuz i didn't write anything yesterday. i guess i had way too much fun at disneyLand! i think writing has been a big heLp with me getting things out, which defeats the purpose of the box. but i guess this new box has a few hoLes so i can breath. yeah, that's it. i need a littLe breathing room afteraLL.
  
  so i was listening to my i-pod and this song came on, and the lyrics made sense right now, so i'm posting 'em :]
  
  
  "i shouLd've known that this would happen from the start
  this kind of function's gonna have to faLL apart
  i guess before I wouLd've sworn that we were friends
  maybe this probLem points towards some larger trend
  
  but I stiLL don't understand
  what this whoLe thing's about
  and aLL the words that you said
  are somehow stuck in my mouth
  and this was going so weLL
  but I don't know what I did
  aLL I reaLLy can teLL, is
  i've been hit
  i've been hit
  i've been hit
  
  weLL there's onLy so much drama I can stand
  and this is just about as far as I wiLL bend
  so get your hands of my lepeL
  because I think it's time to go
  you oughta know better.
  you know,
  you oughta know
  
  but I stiLL don't understand
  what this whoLe thing's about
  and aLL the words that you said
  are somehow stuck in my mouth
  and this was going so weLL
  but I don't know what I did
  aLL i reaLLy can teLL, is
  i've been hit
  i've been hit
  i've been hit
  
  as I was faLLing down the stairs
  and out the door
  i guess I heard you yeLL my name
  but I'm not sure
  you know before I could've sworn that we were friends
  but that's how these probLems aLways seem to end
  
  but I stiLL don't understand
  what this whoLe thing's about
  when aLL the words that you said
  are somehow stuck in my mouth
  and this was going so weLL
  but I don't know what I did
  aLL I reaLLy can teLL
  is that I aLways get hit
  
  and I stiLL don't understand
  what this whoLe thing's about
  and aLL the words that you said
  are somehow stuck in my mouth
  i guess I might take it back
  but I'm not sure what I did
  aLL I know about that, is
  i've been hit
  i've been hit
  i've been hit"
  
  
  today
• today was pretty darn good. i don't know why, but it was.
  it may have been because i feLL in love during second period. with whom, i have no cLue what his name is, but he goes to la mirada, so oh weLL. but he was gorgeous. majorLy gorgeous. i was over it by 4th, so no heartbreak here.
  but the rest of my day was pretty good too. i just feLt reaL positive about everything. it was nice
  
  
  principal vingt-cinq
• i'm tired of hearing about top twenty-five. i'm super bummed i didn't make it, but i'm even more bummed because there are certain peopLe on there that i know don't deserve it as much as i do. boy, do i sound like a diva, but seriousLy. and it sucks because i'm close with several of them and that's aLL they're taLking about. i can't be around them. it's like when aLL my friends went to dc and i was stuck at summer schooL. that's aLL they taLked about and i feLt super left out.
  i'm tired of it!
  
  
  leftovers
• jeniffer is making leftovers from yesterday. i normaLLy wouLdn't have a probLem with leftovers, but 1. jeniffer can't cook and 2. dinner last night was pretty nasty.
  it was the run of the miLL rice and beans with some meat, but i was having a hard time swaLLowing. maybe it's better the second time around?
  
  
  reaLization
• i am scared to graduate. i'm scared to get thrown out into the reaL worLd by myseLf. i'm scared that i'LL lose touch with aLL my cLose friends. i don't want that to happen. my friends mean too much to me. i don't know what i'd do without them, two in particuLar.
  i am aLso a very angry person. i seem to get angry with peopLe when they did nothing wrong. it's me. i shouLd be the one i'm angry with. i've ruined to many opportunities and friendships by bLaming and being angry with other peopLe when it's my fauLt.
  i need to start taking responsibiLity for my actions.
  
  
  it’s raining
• it's raining and i love it. it sounds reaLLy cooL outside. just what i need to get my mind off life.
  i am so gLad this week is over. it was just reaLLy bad. tonight ended good though. i went out with my top 25er friends, (woo! my friends made top 25!) and they're aLways a bLast to hang out with. even if one is a bit speciaL. loL.
  senior year cannot continue the way this week went. it better make a positive change ASAP or i don't know what i'LL do. i can't keep being afriad to look at, or be seen with certain peopLe. senior year isn't supposed to be that way. i shouLd be abLe to taLk to or hang out with whoever i want. if somebody has a probLem with it, too bad.
  
  
  un dia mas
• i've been trying to write a bLog everyday and so far i've lasted five days. it's kind of hard to write everyday since i don't reaLLy have much to write about. nothing reaLLy happened today, which is pretty good considering how this week has been going. but i'm not looking forward to tomorrow. earLy morning practice, cLub rush, top 25 announcement, more practice, and a footbaLL game. i hope it rains so 1 or more of those things get canceLLed. loL, how sad.
  
  
  hypocrisy
• nathan apoLogized to me today about being a jerk to me since aLL of this danieL stuff happened. he said he was feeLing guiLty aLL day, but that didn't stop him from making remarks about me to rebecca today. and then he says he doesn't want to see antonia get hurt just like i don't want to see kimi get hurt, yet he hurt her tonight. he's a hypocrite.
  but i'm probabLy a hypocrite too. for what, i don't know at this moment, but i probabLy am. and i lied to rebecca and kimi about not crying on the bus. i did cry. i cried because of aLL this crap going on this week. and it's bareLy wednesday!
  
  
  on the way up
• today was better. stiLL very crappy, but it was better. i'm not looking forward to tomorrow at aLL though. debbie downer status for sure. poor rebecca. loL. she'LL put up with me though.
  hopefuLLy my life won't suck too much longer.
  
  
  reverting
• where do i even begin about how the day went?
  let's just say it went badLy and i do not wish to repeat it.
  
  i have decided however, that i am reverting back to "my box". yes, it's rather unfortunate, but i see no other option. i've been without "my box" for about 2 years now, and it's worked out pretty weLL, but not weLL enough. i don't see the point anymore. i try to be open and honest with peopLe, and aLL that seems to happen is either i get hurt or someone eLse does. it's a losing situation either way. i'LL definateLy be losing by reverting back to "my box," but whatever. at least i'LL stop hurting other peopLe. that's aLL i seem to be doing lateLy and it sucks. i think the best thing i'm good at is messing things up. it's pretty sad. so "my box" is back. hopefuLLy i won't lose myseLf in the process, but it's a definate possibiLity.
  
  
  feeLing the lyrics
• i think it's amazing how just listening to the right song at the right time, can change your whoLe outlook on everything. just listening to the right lyrics can cLear up your most uncLear thoughts. you can be the most confused person, but when you hear that line in that song, it's like an epiphany. everything is suddenLy expLained and you know what to do.