A Day at a Time

It's been a while.

However, that day I forgot to post, the subject of my last post, I did end up writing. And I've been writing about everyday since then. So technically, I don't fail as much as I thought I did.

Since Erin's been gone, I've been sending her weekly updates about what's been going on around here, so she would be somewhat clued in to our lives in the 'bu while she's off galavanting in South America for the year. Those weekly updates started off as just the jist of what happened each day, but they eventually progressed into something more. Instead of being topical, they turned into how I would usually blog, with topical stuff and deep stuff thrown in.

There was one week where I was just having a really hard time. I don't even remember why, but I just felt extremely overwhelmed and I had no clue what to do about it, so I wrote. I wrote to Erin. I through the topical stuff out the window and dove right into the deep, emotional stuff. I needed an outlet. I needed to tell someone how I was feeling. I tried alternative options in high school, none of which were healthy, and then I started blogging. Blogging helped, but it still made me feel kind of alone. My thoughts and feelings were written out, but they were just there. Nobody knew about them, nobody responded, nobody cared. That's part of why I stopped. I just didn't see the point anymore. Erin responded to this particular update and told me that she'd be more than happy to read whatever I had to say, whether it was topical or deep. I had felt like turning to one of those alternatives before that update, and she saved me.

I've been doing really well since then, writing to Erin's been a huge help, and I think I'm doing a better job about talking about what I need to talk about. I'm not even close to where I'd like to be in terms of communicating, but I'd like to think that I've made progress, especially this semester.

Tonight's felt kind of weird though, so I figured maybe I'd try blogging about it. Erin's not due for an update until Tuesday, so I could write to her, but I wouldn't get a response for a while. Katy's out, so I can't talk to her about it. And even if she was here, I probably couldn't bring myself to talk to her, no matter how much I wanted to. I hate it.

I don't even know how to describe how I'm feeling right now besides weird. I don't understand. Maybe I'll go for a drive. Maybe I'll go for a run. Maybe I'll bust out my uke.