October 9

As I laid down on the couch, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of I don't know what. But it's happened before. I feel hot and cold at the same time, my heart starts to race, and I can't breath. And it's always because of Chris and Katy. Scout saved me though. She came up to snuggle and was purring in my ear, so that's all I could hear, keeping my imagination from killing me.

Sleeping on the couch isn't too bad, but I would prefer not to do it. I would've made plans to sleep somewhere else, but I had work at 8:15, so that wouldn't have been smart. Work was fun, except Johnny knew I was off. And I was. I'm frustrated with how things have been turning out lately and I don't understand why they haven't been turning out the way I want them to. I'm visualizing, but it comes out backwards. I worked until 2:30, went home to find Chris and Katy, and then showered since I smelled like Starbucks. I went upstairs to catch up on Glee and then started my laundry. Chris left around 6, but didn't say bye. Whatevs.

I spent the rest of the evening surfing around and doing laundry, which was incredibly boring. As soon as I was about to suggest to Katy that we go on a burger run later, she pulled out some food, so I kept quiet. Erin and Kate came home a little before 10, so we talked to them for a bit, I finished my laundry, and then went to bed.

I texted Katy earlier about me feeling another breakdown coming, and I was really hoping she'd push the issue since it was just us downstairs for hours, but she was content on watching her reality tv and crime dramas. I wanted her to push and pry, but I don't think I would've talked. But I need the pushing and prying or else I'm just going to keep quite and it's going to stew and get worse.

I'll be okay.