March 24

I gave up the snooze button for Lent, which has been working out fine, except instead of pressing snooze, I turn my alarm off and don't get up. It's been a problem. I woke up late today, but I got to school in time for class. Only I didn't go to class. I didn't have the homework done, so I just didn't go. I've had no homework done this week. Inability to focus --> inability to do homework --> not going to class --> poor grades. It's a terrible predicament I'm in. I was able to focus better than I have been able to for the past few days, but it wasn't good enough. I didn't get anything done. And I was hungry when 12 rolled around, but didn't hear from Erin so I ate by myself. 40 minutes later after a phone call with her mom, Erin has lunch and I kind of just sit there. One of her BA friends came and I felt awkward, so I left. And Katy got asked to formal and didn't bother telling me about it, so that kinda sucked. Erin told me. I mean, I knew it was gonna happen, but I would've appreciated getting told the news. She didn't even mention it when I got home.

Class was kind of a waste, but we got out early, so that was nice. I came home and crashed for about 2 hours. Katy was home by the time I woke up, I think she came home pretty soon after I did, actually, and still there was no mention of the proposal after I had asked about her day. No biggy though. I left pretty soon after I woke up to go for a drive just because I needed to calm down. For the past couple of days I had been feeling mostly sad and scared, but today was different. I was mostly mad, bitter, and frustrated. I still am. Oh so very much.

While I was on my drive, I had the bright idea that hot chocolate, a movie, and a fire would make things happy. Katy and I watched Enchanted, but it was off. I should've mentioned it to Katy, but I was really hoping we could just enjoy the movie. I don't think we've ever just been around each other at home without one of us being on our phone or computer. Katy was on her laptop the whole time, which is fine, but its not how I would've wanted it. I should've said something and if I say something now, she'll probably say that I should've said something. It's okay. It wasn't the evening I wanted, but it was better than crying in a corner in the library.

It's not super late, but I'm tired, but I'm not ready for bed. I don't know what's up. And I want to tell Katy how I'm feeling and I want to talk to Erin, but Erin's busy packing and I won't see her for a week because she's going to Arizona to go play on a dude ranch with her family for spring break. What? Yeah, I don't know.

I need to feel better.