June 15

Definitely almost forgot to post.
Because I've been having more trouble than usual falling asleep nowadays, I watched half of About a Boy and then ended up thinking.  And I cried.  It had been a while, but it happened.  I can't even really explain why it happened.  I wasn't beating myself up about anything and I wasn't thinking about anything that had previously happened.  I was mostly thinking about things that hadn't happened yet.  What might happen in the future.  I guess it happened because I got scared and a little sad thinking about different ways the future can unfold.  But I can't plan it.  I just have to let it happen.
Motive, as usual, consisted of food, facebook, and bitch work.  All the interns were complaining about it today.  It isn't fair to us.  And there are far too many of us.  That's why there's never any work to do.  It's dumb.  I'm only taking the internship for 1 unit, 45 hours, and since I've worked well over 45, I could just leave, but I won't.  But if I do, I can move home for the rest of the summer and it won't be an issue.  Hmmm...
And I spent more time looking into my living sitch today.  It's not looking good.  Realistically, I can't afford to live on my own.  It could happen, my family would help me out, but I don't want help.  If I'm going to be independent, I'm going to be independent.  I feel like I'm back at square one.  All this time, wasted.  I told my "roommates" today that if something wasn't set in stone by next Thursday, a week from when I'll be homeless, I was out.  I feel bad about potentially backing out and leaving them high and dry, but I definitely put in effort and they didn't run with it.  Karma?  But this time I really do have to look out for myself.  "Self preservation."