I keep going back and forth between being hopeful that this next year will be great and wanting to never set foot on Pepperdine’s campus again. I want next year to be great, and there are moments where they actually seem like they could be, but at the same time, there are so many things working against me. There are so many obstacles that are in my way and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to get past them. That doubt is the part that makes me want to run away and just forget it all. Running away from everything that has happened. Allowing myself to try and start over. Again. For real. Right now, and probably for the next 20 minutes, I’m all for going MIA and never coming back to Pepperdine. Coward move, and my family would never allow it, but that seems like the only solution at the moment.
Motive was boring, but productive.
I literally spent 5 hours looking for housing when I got back from work. I’m so screwed. But people are trying to help and give me suggestions, so that’s really really nice and I really appreciate it. I just can’t find something that works. How did I let this happen?
My mind was running out of control the rest of the evening.
Can something please go well for me? For once? No more obstacles. No more catastrophes. No more heartbreaks. Just something good. Please. Anything. Please. I’d be more than willing to work for it, but I just don’t have the strength to keep fighting. To start, really. I’ve always kind of just rolled over. I’m just so beaten. I need help. I need support.
Something good.
Please.
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