June 17

Living with boys.

Tim’s great.

Nico’s great, except he’s in China until I don’t know when.

Armando can move back to TJ.  I’ve decided that I can’t stand him.  My mood negatively changes when I hear him park his car and walk up the stairs.  Last night was too much.  They came home a little after midnight, proceeded to get high in the living room, make stupid jokes and vulgar comments, blast rap, and were just all around intolerable.

I would have loved to have gone out and say something, but I didn’t want to be that girl. That roommate.  But seriously.  It was a Thursday.  The walls are thin.  Some people can’t stay up until 3 in the morning and be fresh for their day of interning, or trying to intern.

I enjoy living with boys, I do, just not Armando.  If he wasn’t here, things would be great.  Or if he was just quiet and considerate, things would be great.  Tim and Nico are quiet and considerate.  It’s not like boys can’t be those things.

Motive was kind of okay today.  When I asked for something to do, they handed me a script and told me to read it.  So I read it.  The whole time.  And now on Monday I get to write a report about it.  Cool that I can put script coverage on my resume, but dumb that I actually have to do script coverage.

After Motive I went to the mall to try and find something for my dad for father’s day.  I don’t know him very well.  Plus I’m not so good at gift giving.  He just redid his bathroom, bedroom, and office, so I got him something for his office and a cd.  So thoughtful. 

When I got home, Tim and some of his friends were sitting around talking, drinking, and smoking, but I was tired, so I disappeared into my room.  They left to go to Dukes and then one of Armando’s friends that’s staying with us came over with some of his friends.  I still stayed in my room.  Tim came home, minus his friends, and then the group played poker.  I was invited to play, but I don’t know how to play and I wasn’t really in a social mood.  But Tim came in a few minutes ago and said that when I go to bed he’ll make sure the noise level is down.  Apparently Tim isn’t a fan of Armando’s loudness either.  His trick: ear plugs.  I keep thinking of that idea, but then I always forget.

This week, even though I haven’t written about it every single time, has been particularly full of self contemplation.  The past 3 months or so, my life has changed drastically from the one I had mapped out in my head.  I broke.  I cried.  I hurt.  I cried.  I questioned.  I cried.  I doubted.  I cried.  I’m healing.  I’m trying to figure out who I am.  I’m trying to figure out exactly who I want to be.  I’m trying to figure out how to get there.  I’m especially trying to change my way of thinking.  I spent far too much of my time being so pessimistic and negative.  And stubborn.  I don’t know if I can change the stubborn part, but I’m already trying to be optimistic.  I think I’m being more of a realist than an optimist, but I think that’s still an improvement.