April 21

Because I chose sleep over writing my paper, I woke up at 4:15 to shower and get as much work done as possible. I was able to get 6 pages in before going to class, which was a waste. I was able to finish by noon and I was hoping to have lunch with Erin, but that didn't happen. We haven't had lunch together since I think the afternoon of the day I found out I was shafted. I was thinking that since this would be our last opportunity, it'd be nice to at least pretend we're friends. But then again, Erin said she's miserable around me, and I don't want her to be miserable. So I guess it worked out for the best.

Graphics wasn't anything special, but there were donut holes. That was a nice surprise. After class I met up with JRoz in the SPB office to go over my duties and I got to play with the computer a little bit. I'm excited about it. And I chatted with Veronica and Mimi on my way out, so that was a little bonus too.

I should've napped when I got home, but I didn't. I just kind of sat around instead. Class was short and meaningless and I got home in time to watch all my NBC shows. I had a gap of time between when I got home and when my shows started, so as I walked into the house I was determined to finally have that conversation with Erin, but when I poked my head into her room, she looked so exhausted and I couldn't do it. That conversation is probably never going to be had. I think it's too late for it now anyway. I blew it. But Erin gave up.

I've spent the last hour transferring blog posts and I think I'm almost done. I'm going backwards, so tomorrow I'm starting from January of senior year back to whenever I started blogging, which I think was in September. I don't even remember.

There are an incredible amount of things that I'm extremely unsure about as far as next year goes, but I want to be positive about it. I want to be excited. I'm just also really scared. Things have the potential to great, or they can stay the way they are or get worse. I really don't know. I don't like not knowing things. I want to know that things are going to be happy and good. I really need next year to be happy and good. I can't take another year of fighting. I can't take another year of drowning. I was drowning this year and I broke down constantly because of it and it cost me my 2 best friends. I can't keep losing people. I can't keep pushing people away. I need things to be great.