I figure I should start going to bed at a decent time and practice waking up early. I think I have been going to bed at a decent time for the most part, but waking up has been an issue. I just really like sleeping. I meant to wake up at 9 this morning, but 9 turned into 10. I plan to wake up at 9 again tomorrow, but we’ll see how that goes.
Motive was okay today. It was my last time working with Grace and Paige, so that was a little sad. Right away, we had a meeting about marketing strategy, which was interesting, and I helped with some buzzwords, but it wasn’t what I was expecting from Motive. They’re talking about helping with Ron Paul’s campaign if he chooses to run for president. I guess they got the political bug from The Undefeated. The rest of the day consisted of our weekly intern lunch and market research for South Dakota.
Traffic was bad coming home again, so that meant my mind wandered. Sometimes I wish I could just write down right then and there what I’m thinking because it’s surprisingly insightful. Other times I wish someone where there with me so I could just ramble and bounce ideas off of them. Today I wish I could stop and write everything down. My traffic thinking today consisted of how I’ve changed over the course of this past year. I don’t think I changed as much as I thought I had last summer, but I feel like I changed over the course of the year. I feel as though I became more selfish, more closed off, more… catastrophic. I was spiraling out of control. I didn’t like it and neither did those closest to me. My world crashed, I felt as though I hit rock bottom, and I’ve been trying to repair and rebuild myself since. I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job and I’d like to believe I have a better head on my shoulders and can see things from a perspective other than my own. Recently, I’ve felt another change. I don’t really know how to describe it. Kind of anxiousness, kind of a fire, kind of a drive or fight. I’m not really sure. But it’s there. I think I’m just tired of waiting, sitting around, staying quiet, wishing for something to happen. I think I’m ready to take action and speak up. I’ve changed. I’d like to hope it’s for the better. I cannot go back to how things were and I don’t want to spiral out of control anymore. It would be too much to handle this time. Talk about catastrophe…
I was also debating whether or not my effort was all for not. It was worth it, and I stand by my decision, I just don’t know if it did anything. It might have been too little too late. It might be a lost cause. I don’t know, with either case, and I am so tired of waiting to find out.
When I came home I was pleasantly surprised to find an information packet from the Vermont College of Fine Arts. The packet was quite impressive, but reading about the program wasn’t. The graphic design program is all self directed and graduates are only on campus for one week a semester. I want to learn stuff. I don’t want to teach myself. So 10 schools has become 9. And I’m starting to think that I want to go to an actual art school opposed to a University with an art program. We’ll see.
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