July 17

I’ll start with finishing up with yesterday:

After Daniel picked me up from my dad’s, we listened to this ugly gangsta rap for way too long and then finally listened to some decent music when we were almost to UCR.  Daniel had a meeting for a group project that he was supposed to be working on, so I chilled in his apartment for a while until he came back.  We went to dinner, went adventuring, and then came back.  Daniel was supposed to be doing homework, but between 5 Blue Moons, me, and his lack of focus, not much got done.  We went to be around midnight, but didn’t actually get some sleep until after 3.  That boy…

And I realized in the middle of benefitting the first time of the night that I’m not in love with him.  I thought I was, but I’m not.  We’re just friends, with benefits… that benefit.  And I always feel guilty afterwards, never during, but it’s always short lived.  We really should just stop, but he said he doesn’t want to be just friends and I told him I can’t give him a commitment.  I don’t deal with commitment very well, but in this case, I know for a fact that I don’t want that commitment.  I’d feel guilty knowing that that commitment would end as soon as someone better came along, because that’s exactly what would happen.  I know there’s someone better for me than Daniel.  And I know there’s someone better out there for Daniel.  Someone who doesn’t constantly toy with his emotions.

We finally got out of bed around 10, got ready, and then headed back towards home.  We were supposed to pick up Adrian, but he didn’t want to feel like a third wheel.  Totally understandable, but I still felt bad.  After Daniel unloaded some of his stuff at his house, we were off to the Renegade Craft Fair.  Daniel wanted to go to see the screen printers and I was just tagging along.  He got a poster and a shirt and I got two gig posters that I had had my eye on for a while.  It was a success.  I was hungry, but Daniel didn’t want to spoil his appetite for dinner, so we just went straight back home.  After terrible driving and missed exits, Daniel dropped me off at my dad’s around 3.

I was kind of planning on just going home after that, but my dad convinced me to stay and go with him to dinner.  I’m really glad I did.  It was nice spending time with my dad without Jen and Emme around.  After dinner we went to Ralphs so he could get himself food to survive the week and then we made it home around 8.  I stayed for a little while longer and then went home to my mom.  I caught her up on my weekend, got lectured about letting her know where I’ll be sleeping, and then had a lovely rest of the night watching Real Housewives and The Glee Project.