July 19

The combination of the heat and my non-stop mind led to me not falling asleep until 4.  It was a problem.  I cried a little bit in there too, but it wasn’t anything I wasn’t used to.  I was just thinking about all of my contradictory feelings and trying to figure out which path is the right one.  It’s been a struggle and I’m nowhere closer to making a decision.

I did absolutely nothing today except melt in this house.  I should’ve gone to my dad’s, or even my grandparents’, but it was too hot to move.  It sucked.  It was probably cooler outside than in the house, which was still too hot to handle.

2 years ago was the best day I’ve ever experienced in my life.  I was so incredibly happy.  I don’t think I had ever been that happy before or since.  Rebecca once told me that she believes that when we die, we get to go back and choose which day we’d like to relive.  I would choose July 19, 2009.  It was silly, adventurous, fun, amazing, everything a best day ever should be.  And I’m so glad I got to spend it with my best friend.  She made that day what it was.  The best.  Ever.  I hope I get to experience that happiness again, even if it’s only after I die.  I’ll take it.