So last night I wanted to talk to Katy about... well... I don't really know what. I just felt we should talk because it was weird between us. We did end up talking after we went to bed, but it wasn't about what I thought I wanted it to be about, which I still don't know what I wanted it to be about, and it didn't end in a way that I felt good about. I don't know if we're okay. I don't know if I should be acting like we're okay. I still think there's some bad blood between us, and I don't know why. I thought we were fine, but then Tuesday night happened and it got weird again. There's like this bad circuit somewhere and I don't know where it is or how to fix it. One day it's fine, the next it's not.
I woke up early to finish homework, and so did Katy, but she gave up pretty quickly and went back to bed. I didn't really speak to her. All morning really. It was weird. And she apologized for falling asleep so quickly the night before, but it wasn't that big of a deal. I would've liked to have kept talking, but it wasn't necessary and I didn't really like the way it was going. She was tired anyway. She needed the sleep.
HIST was kind of boring and ART was cancelled, and as I was walking back down to the Fieldhouse with Ainsley, she had a mini meltdown and cried. I tried to comfort her as best I could and I think I helped, but maybe not. When I got home I did some homework, watched Parenthood and Chuck, and then crashed on the couch for a few minutes. Katy was home, but we didn't really talk.
ADV was just okay and nothing was really accomplished. We got out early so I was gonna go to convo at 8, but then Erin said she was making dinner, so I scratched that plan and went home. As soon as I got home, Erin asked if I could give Josh a ride, so I agreed and went to go pick him up. Katy came home from work just as we were about to eat, we ate and laughed, and then things started to get kind of awk towards the end. Erin and Josh, who are official now, went upstairs, Katy stayed downstairs and watched stuff for hours, and I bounced back and forth from the kitchen table to my room, trying to combat boredom. It didn't work.
I still think Katy and I should talk. I know exactly what I want to say, but I know I won't be able to say it. I don't think we will talk though. No matter how much I want to, I'm probably going to say I don't want to talk... and then we won't... and then I'll get mad at myself because it was my fault we didn't talk. What I would really like to happen is a car talk. But that won't happen. I wish it would, but it won't.
No comments:
Post a Comment