reflection

I just got done thinking about a shit load of stuff.  But not really.  But kind of.  I spent almost 2 hours listening to music and zoning out.  I haven't done that in a while, so it was nice.  No revelations this time.  I just wish I could have a relationship with something where I can be extremely close to them.  Relationship as in friendship.  I have lots of great friends, but none that I feel really close to to the point where I can be totally honest with them or be completely open.  I need a relationship like that.  I wish I had that kind of relationship with my roommate.  But I enjoy the relationship we have even if I don't feel completely comfortable.  I don't even feel that way about my best friend.  Sad.

Anyway, the rest of my day went well.  Class was great as always.  I had a little break back in my room before I had to go to a meeting at 6.  Very unproductive, but that's okay.  Then at like 6:30 my roommate and some suitemates went down to get dinner.  Nothing special.  After dinner my roommate and I went down to the Promenade to see My Bloody Valentine.  It wasn't so scary, but it definitely was fun.  I got pretty squirmy.  We got back around 10 and that's when I plopped down on my bed and started zoning out.

***2:08 AM

I made a realization.  I distance myself the most from the people that mean the most to me.  It should be the other way around.  I feel almost shy when I'm with the people that are special to me.  I feel quite comfortable around people I just met, but the people I've known the longest is a different story.  I think it's because I don't want their expectations of me to change, so from a distance, I'll always be the same.  That's not how it should work though.  I need to make more progress.  I'm getting better, but this is a problem that I need to fix asap.