Rice Pudding

I didn't have a title in mind, so Katy helped me out.  I was hungry, so I'm eating some arroz con leche.  I always think of Rebecca when I have rice pudding.  It was sophomore year, on a Friday, and Rebecca and I decided to stay at school until our call time before the football game.  We needed something to eat between the time we got out of school and 5:30, so we decided to go to Stater Brothers to find something to eat.  We ended up getting a rotisserie chicken, arroz con leche, and wax lips (another story).  We finished off the chicken and were well into the arroz con leche, but I just couldn't finish mine.  I probably had about one to two spoonfuls left, but I was bust.  Rebecca looked at how much I had left and told me that if I didn't finish, she would drop kick me.  She was going through a phase of drop kicking to solve problems during that time.  She never actually drop kicked anyone, but the thought was enough to get her way.  Anyway, I ended up forcing down those last spoonfuls.  So now whenever I have a tiny bit of food left, I think of her and try to force it down.

I didn't sleep all that well last night.  I fell asleep just fine, that hasn't been an issue as of late, but I woke up more than a few times.  I woke up maybe two or three times before 6, and then I seemed to wake up every half hour after that.  I wouldn't be awake for long, just long enough to look at my phone to check the time.  I got out of bed a smidge after 9, got ready for class, and then grabbed some breakfast with Erin before we had to sit through another early morning lecture.  I find the class fairly interesting, maybe because I took a similar class back in 9th grade, but Laura hates it with a passion.  I was still pretty tired when class got out, so I came back right away and fell asleep again.  I think I woke up around 1:30.

I don't think I did much of anything until around 4, when I started reading for MSCO and COM.  MSCO wasn't bad, but it just takes a long time.  COM on the other hand was long and boring.  I had to write an analysis too, but I didn't.  I'll write one in the morning if I remember.  I have to remember.  I procrastinated studying for POSC until 10 and I just finished up a little but ago.  I have a test tomorrow, and I have to do well on it.  It's an open-note test, and notes aren't my strong point, but I'm hoping they're good enough to serve me well.  I'm not so much worried about the multiple choice as I am the essay.  I don't know if I'll be able to BS my way to an A on that one.  Fingers crossed.

**2:09

I'm not tired.  I wrote my analysis though, so that's good.  At least I did something productive opposed to just lying in bed staring up at the ceiling.  

COM is making me realize, even more so, how bad of a communicator I am.  I know I don't talk to people as much as I should, about things that I should, but I am really messed up.  I guess all those years of not talking really got to me because I have no clue how to turn it around.  I know how I should be communicating, thanks to my COM book, but getting to that point is where I'm lost.  I need to build up to the point where I'd like to be, but I need a good foundation first.  I need help with the foundation.  I need help opening up and changing my depth perception.  I think the distance thing is the main problem.  I need to realize that I can be close to the people that are important to me, not the other way around.  I should feel comfortable around the people that mean the most to me, but instead I feel nervous and especially vulnerable with or without speaking.  That needs to stop.  It's okay to feel vulnerable sometimes, but I'd prefer not to.  I'd prefer to continue to keep everything inside and to myself, but that isn't healthy, nor is it how I want to be.