schist

Schist is a type of foliated metamorphic rock.

I almost shut down the computer, but then I realized I still needed to post.

Last night as I was reading for SOC, I was texting Daniel about what happened between us the other night. We both said we were confused and agreed that we needed to talk sometime soon, so I think we're going to talk tomorrow. I should get out of school as soon as I finish my quiz, so I should be out of the area by 2. Nice.

So pretty much all day, in each of my classes, I was thinking about Daniel. Not so much about Daniel as to what I'm going to say to him. As of right now, I don't really know what I'm going to say. I don't really know how I feel and I don't know what I want. I think I'm just going to tell him my concerns about being more than friends and he can help me sort out my feelings.

After I got home I went straight to my On-Demand friend, Cindy Whitmarsh, worked out, and then hit up the internet. I originally thought about meeting up with Daniel today to talk, but after realizing I have 2 quizzes tomorrow and I needed to read for SOC, we pushed it back a day. Mondays seem to drain me, so I ended up trying to take a nap. Right when I was starting to doze off, around 7, my mom comes home from hanging out with one of her friends. I didn't let that stop me though. I think I slept for about an hour, hit up the internet again, watched tv with my mom, showered, studied, and now I'm writing this.

Between thinking about sociology, Daniel, and geology, I was thinking about Rebecca, and how much our friendship has changed. All throughout high school I've considered her my best friend. Unfortunately, because of my insecurities and inability to communicate effectively, we had a huge falling out and I didn't think we would fix it before graduation. I pleaded my case numerous times, finally fixing things between the two of us. I told her I would try my best to be the friend I always should have been, and then the summer started.

The summer was fine between us, our first semester apart was fine between us, winter break and the beginning of the second semester was fine between us too. Then I started to realize that communication wasn't happening as much as it used to. My texts and messages were being ignored and barely acknowledged, which sucked considering some of them were important. Now that we've been home, I feel like my efforts are all for not. I can't do the work of to people for this friendship to function.

And then I was thinking about us being best friends. Best friends are there for each other. I would be there for Rebecca in a heart beat. I remember I had the biggest panic attack of my life worrying about her on her way home from school over Thanksgiving. I don't know if Rebecca would be worried about me. I called her one night about my parents' annulment, and did she call or text back? No. Best friends fill each other in. I have no clue what's going on in her life. I would tell her what's going on in mine, but because that doesn't get acknowledged, I kind of just stopped. And when things happen, I should automatically think of telling her, but I don't.

Maybe we just aren't meant to be best friends anymore. Maybe I needed that schism last year to scare me and make me into a better friend and person for other people...