helpless

My mom just called me helpless.
She's called me worse, but it still hurt.
It hurt because it's true.
I am helpless

SOC was kind of a waste this morning. It was all review, but I didn't really need to be there. Brutlag said we could leave, so I did. I headed home to grab some things and to wash my car at the Shell station, but the car wash was closed. Bust. I made it back to school on time for my GEOL lecture class and I found out that I set the curve for the test yesterday. Woo! I also set the curve for the lab test. I guess I'm not helpless in GEOL.

After school I went to the 76 station to get my car washed, went to Lauralyn's house to pick up my graduation ticket, and then went back home. I was hoping to see Daniel, but he was busy again. With what? I don't know. Once home, I did a quick work out and then started getting ready. I ended up looking better than I did for my own graduation, and it was all for not.

Rebecca was going to graduation, but she never answered any of my texts asking if we could go together. She ended up not going and I was all by my lonesome. It was weird watching graduation alone, when before I was playing with the band and graduating myself. After the ceremony I went over to where I knew my friends would be and gave some hugs and said some hellos. When I started to feel awkward, I left. Rebecca texted me telling me what was up, and I immediately asked her if she wanted to go out to eat, but after 25 minutes of waiting for a response, I came home. That's when my mom told me I was helpless. I was hungry with no food and I don't know how to cook.

But I am also helpless in regards to Daniel and Rebecca. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want. I keep going back and forth with Daniel. One minute I want to be more than friends, the next minute I don't. After seeing Antonia tonight I was totally turned off by the more than friends idea. But I was over it a few minutes later. And with Rebecca, one minute I'm frustrated with her and don't want to work things out, the next minute I feel I deserve it and I need to work harder. I don't know what to do. I need some guidance.