February 17-23

Wednesday 2/17: As soon as my alarm went off, Katy said, “I don’t want to get up. Can we just not get up?” So we slept for an extra hour and headed to the pool. I was planning on going to the beach, but Katy wanted to play, so we went to the pool for a little bit and then she went to work. I stayed down there for maybe half an hour more and then came back up and spent the whole day studying for marketing. Katy went to work, went to Alex’s to choreograph, went to work, came back, and then went to dance. I worked at the volleyball game, which we won, but I did tickets, so my hours were lame. I probably made $20. Woohoo! After I came back, I went back to studying and did some other homework too. Since it was Ash Wednesday, Katy and I were fasting. She wasn’t intending to, it just kind of happened. We were both starving when she got back from dance, so we made a late night burger run. Delicious. We got back maybe around 1:30ish, I studied a little bit more, Katy tried to do some homework, and then we went to bed.

Thursday 2/18: I woke up early so I could get a burrito and do some last minute cramming before my test at 10. The burrito was good, but I didn’t have enough time to go over everything I wanted to review. The first part of my test went really well, but I had to bullshit some of the second part. We’ll see what happens. After the test I went and got lunch at the caf, ate with Karen in the Sandbar, and then came back to the room to finish up some homework. Stats was boring, but I ended up getting an 84 on the test I thought I bombed, so that was a pleasant surprise. I presented my poster design to the Graphic during graphics and then bolted out of there since I had to be at the Fieldhouse at 4 and it was already 4:15. I decided I’d drive down with Katy. The game started at 5, as we got there, dance team did two timeouts and halftime, band was lovely as always, and there was free food afterwards. When Katy and I got back up to Towers, she did some homework and then met up with Alex to choreograph some more. I spent the next 2 hours or so catching up on TV. Then, it was time for Songfest kick-off! The theme this year is History in the Making. Lame. On the Job was so much better. Each group had to pick a historical event, before 1900, and do something off of that. I have no clue what KTD is doing, yet, but Gamma Ghkkkkket is doing the History of Baseball. I’m a little skeptical as of right now, but I think we can pull it off. I just don’t want things to be weird and/or tense between me and Katy. I’d prefer that we didn’t talk about Songfest to each other at all because I don’t want either of us to be cocky or defensive.

Friday 2/19: Karen’s been doing some job-shadowing thing, so she went there instead of convo. Convo went as usual and Katy and I got tomato soup with our bread bowls. We weren’t particularly hungry, but it was bread bowl Friday, so we had to. During convo I got a phone call from what I thought was the school, so when we got out, I checked it. It was DPS telling me I needed to move my car since it was in a reserved spot. It wasn’t in a reserved spot when I parked last time, Wednesday night, and it’s not like I go and check if I’m parked in a reserved spot everyday. So I went and moved my car and sure enough, I was the only car with a $40 fine that I fully intend to contest. Thanks Pepperdine. Happy Friday to you too. I took a nap, dreamt Katy moved out, and then Chris came over right after I woke up. Perfect timing? I was hearing things I didn’t want to hear again. It’s a problem. Seriously though, have some respect and ask me to leave or something. Shit, TELL me to leave. I will. I’ve dealt with it before, but it was too much this time. I just felt extremely disrespected and taken advantage of. My new plan is to leave when Chris gets here and to make sure I don’t get back until after 1. I want to talk to Katy about it, I want her to know how I feel, but I don’t think I can. It’s quite upsetting that I have no spine. What would I even say? Thank God, Kasey was home, so I went and hung out with her, emailed realtors, and moped around. I felt like crying, but I didn’t want to in front of Kasey. Seriously, Katy. Respect. Give me some. I went to work a little early so I could sit in my car and cry. I was on tickets again, so I could leave after the second set, which I did. I didn’t go back to Towers though. I went for a drive, even though it was raining and I had dreamt the night before that I had gotten in an accident. I survived though. And while I was driving, Katy texted me. I got back just in time for rehearsal, which went well. It was about 12:15 when we got out, so I went for another drive, but this one was shorter. I got back an hour later and figured it was safe to go up to my room. It was. I think Katy got back around 2:30, but I was already in bed, so we didn’t talk.

Text convo:

Katy: Chris is in our room just chillin while we do songfest. I told him not to be awkward. Im sorry we kinda kicked you out earlier. (I wish they would’ve kicked me out) Really. But I got you a surprise (ice cream) to make up for it (it didn’t work) and thank you for being amazing and emailing people.

Me: Im probably not going to be back for a while, but thanks.

Katy: I’ll see you after songfest then

Me: Alright

Katy: Are you ok/ are you mad? Be honest

Me: Im not okay and im not mad (which I wasn’t exactly, so I was being honest)

Katy: Why are you not ok?

Me: Lots of reasons

Katy: Anything I can help with?

Me: Don’t worry about it

Katy: Are you sure. Im worried about my bestie

Me: I’ll be fine

Katy: If you need anything, im here.

Me: Thanks

Katy: Anytime

Saturday 2/20: Katy had work at 9 and I had Songfest at 10, so we didn’t see each other until I got back from rehearsal. We have 2 songs and 1 dance learned. The dance is uber sloppy, but at least we know it. Katy got back from work at noon, I got back shortly after, and we didn’t speak to each other until 10 til 3, when she left to go choreograph stuff. And even then, all we said was “bye”. It was weird and uncomfy. I sat around until I needed to be at the game. Dance Team and the Pepp Band, which changed to The Sound Waves without our knowledge, were in the same room, so Katy and I waved to each other. We lost. Katy had rehearsal from 8:30 until 10:30, but I left around 10:50 to go for a drive. I got back a little after midnight and we said hi. Well, I said howdy. Come 12:30 we had a 20 second conversation about the night’s basketball game. At 12:50 we had a 5 second one about how cold it was. And that was it for the night.

Sunday 2/21: Katy had work at 9 and I had work at 11:30, so we missed each other again. One of the realtors I emailed called me back while I was sleeping, but she left me a voicemail about that pretty PCH house. I worked until about 2:30, and decided to take a nap right as Katy came home at 5:15. We said hi. When I woke up, around 6, she was asleep, so I left to get some food. I unintentionally met up with the freshies and got back around 7 and did some homework for an hour that wasn’t due until Thursday, only I didn’t know that until an hour later. Katy was still asleep when I got back and she woke up maybe 45 minutes later and she waved at me. We didn’t speak to each other until she left at 8:15 to choreograph. Katy said where she was going, I said okay, and then we said bye. I don’t want to act like everything’s okay, since I don’t feel like it is, but I also don’t like this tension. I want to apologize because I feel bad about not talking to her and because I tend to be a very apologetic person, but I also feel like I don’t have anything to be sorry about. We can’t have this tension next week. She’s staying with me for Spring Break. Songfest rehearsal was extremely productive, we learned another dance, but there’s a problem with the size of our group. We’re too big. Last year we had 85ish, this year we have 160ish. SO we have three options. Drop out of Songfest (as individuals), have some people switch to Sig Ep’s group since they’re little, or double cast the show. I don’t want to only be in half the shows. I want to be in all six. But dropping sounds kind of tempting. I’m waaay stressed right now, so Songfest is only adding to that plus cutting time that I could be using for homework/studying. I can’t drop it though. It’s Gamma Ghkkkkket. Katy and I kind of talked around 1 about when we’re both available to go look at houses. Then we talked about our plans for Spring Break. Still tense.

Monday 2/22: I couldn’t fall asleep until after 4 and I woke up kind of early. I ended up getting a 76% on my marketing test, which my professor considers as a bad grade. So do I. Maybe I’m not meant to be an IMC. Maybe I’m not meant to get a 3.2. Maybe I should switch to advertising with a marketing minor. Maybe I should join the circus. When I got out of class I wrote Katy that message and then I started working on some report that was due for my advertising class. I should’ve started it weeks ago, but I finished around 3:30, just as Katy got home. I skipped stats, but it was worth it. I thought maybe I could nap, but I felt so awkward and scared and shaky, and terrible, that I just couldn’t. Knowing that Katy was reading my message and responding to it while I was in the room was just weird. I was going to write, “bad news bears,” but then I didn’t. Kasey and Karen say that and it makes me think of Erin. I miss her so much. Katy left right after she sent the message to idk where. I didn’t really feel like being around when she got back, so I left to the CCB and hour and a half earlier than I needed to. While I was there I wrote a response to her message trying to clear things up and I even offered to actually talk to her. I think that’s the only way it won’t be awkward anymore. Fehlbaum sat with me for a bit and we talked about the Katy sitch and about Songfest, and then it was time for class. We had presentations about our reports, which were fine, and then we had a review session, but I didn’t stay for that. I probably should’ve considering how awesome of a student I am as of late. Whatev. Katy was MIA when I got back to our room at 8:30, so I just sat around and mentally prepared for whatever was going to happen next between us. She got back around 9:15 and we didn’t speak to each other. We both left for Songfest, which went well since Gamma Ghkkkkket is full of CoC kids that came out of the womb singing 4 part harmonies. Katy was already back when I got back to the room, and I tried to not make it awkward, so I made an attempt at small talk. It’s a start.

Tuesday 2/23: Not a whole lot of small talk before Katy went to class, but we did make eye contact for the first time in days. Progress. However, I left early to get some food before class at 4 and we had our first text convo since Friday. We normally have at least one everyday, so it’s been weird not texting her at all. The convo wasn’t anything meaningful, it was about food, but they never really are, so I was happy about it. More Progress. We didn’t sit together in religion, but we did chat a little about Songfest. Even the small talk feels forced. Instead of walking back up to the room together after class, Katy opted for the Sandbar instead. At rehearsal we learned another dance, so now we 3 songs and 3 dances learned. Go us. I just know Katy’s group hasn’t learned any of the songs or has run through the script. And they’re like at least 30 people smaller than us. It was back to small talk from the time Katy got back from rehearsal and we went to bed.