March 24-30

Wednesday 3/24: It was supposed to be my first day to really sleep in, but I had a meeting for work at 9:30. It was all stuff that could’ve been easily sent in an e-mail, but I guess it was nice that my bosses personally talked to the staff. I was back around 10 and crashed. Hard. Katy was gone when I woke up around 1 and I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know what day it was, since she could’ve easily have been at class, but I realized she was at work. She came back around 3:30, we chillaxed, and then we went to the sophomore town hall thing. It was kind of lame, but whatev. We grabbed dinner afterwards and then I went to Payson and Katy went back to Towers to start writing a 13-page paper. I didn’t stay for too long, maybe like 3 hours. I brought Katy a smoothie from the HAWC, went to Ralphs, and then studied some more. Katy got up to page 11 by 1, which was super impressive, and I finished studying soon after.

Thursday 3/25: I woke up early to study for my marketing test, but it didn’t do me much good. It was hard. And then I had a stats test that was also hard. Then I felt like all of the work I had put in this week was all for not and that I was failing at life. Graphics was fine though. I don’t feel like a failure in that class. After I was done with class, Katy and I met up with Fehlbaum and her roommate, Morgan, to talk about housing. Plan A1: You, Me, Katy, Mary. Plan A2: You, Me, Katy, Mary, and Morgan. Plan B1: You, Me, Katy, Morgan, and Fehlbaum. Plan B2: You, me, Katy, Morgan. We were there for forever, Fehlbaum and Morgan left, and then Isabela and one of her KTD suitemates came and sat with us for forever. We went to the Randumb show at 9, which I think I should’ve skipped to let Isabela and Katy spend time together, and then we came back up to Towers. Katy and Isabela went to Ralphs when we got back, but Katy didn’t come back until close to two. Oh, and I guess Katy got elected to be an ICC rep and is on DIF committee for next year. She didn’t bother to tell me about it, but I overheard her tell Isabela. Whatevs. I sat around for a while, but I got a little stir crazy and went to the HAWC for a while and drank coffee and surfed the web by my lonesome. On my way out I stopped and chatted with one of my new Songfest friends, Kira Andersen. I got back around 1 and got ready for bed. After Katy got back she told me about her night talking to Isabela and then got ready for bed. I’m glad she and Isabela spend time together, but I just got overwhelmingly jealous at the thought of the ease of conversation with her and Karen the other day and her car talk with Isabela. I got up and left for about half an hour and cried a little. I wish I could have a meaningful conversation. A normal conversation would be swell too. And I would love to have a car talk one day. They sound lovely. I got back around 2:30, turned the lights off, and went to bed.

Friday 3/26: Katy went to convo with the freshies even though she didn’t have to, and I went to work. I got back around 1, Katy got back from class around 2, and then she went to work right after that. I sat around until I had to go back to work 5. The people I was working with were some of my favorite people to work with, so I figured, “wouldn’t it be great to all go out bowling after work?” And they all thought it was a great idea. When we were clocking out, I asked if we were really going. Nobody except this guy, Tyler, who I had been flirty with all night, was down to go. But he didn’t exactly say he was down to go either. He said to let him know if I ended up doing anything. The freshies and Katy were gone when I got back, so I couldn’t ask them if they wanted to go bowling. I looked on the roster for work for Tyler’s phone number, but it wasn’t on there. Luckily, he was on facebook. I told him the situation and suggested we go to Diddy Riese or something. Then he said, “Well, do you smoke?” I thought he was referring to the hookah bar across from Diddy’s, but he wasn’t. He clarified that he meant reefer and asked if I’d be down. I was. We met up and drove to a quiet spot just off campus, hot boxed, chatted, and made out a little. I know I wanted to kiss him, but I don’t know if he kissed me because he was high or not. But it happened 3 times, and he initiated it twice. We were starting to get sleepy, so we headed back. I got back after 2, tried not to let Katy know I was high, and then went to sleep.

Saturday 3/27: Katy was already at work by the time I woke up. I was supposed to go to the beach with Jason Yoo and Tim O’Reilly, but Tim had to go pick up his tux for formal and Jason had Anchor Splash stuff. Fail. I went for a few hours anyway. I got back right as Katy was getting ready to go to Oxy. I spent the next few hours chillaxing and catching up on TV. Around 7:30 I met up with Tyler in the HAWC to watch the PIT show. It was pretty funny. He walked me back up to Towers, but then we decided to watch a movie. We weren’t all cuddly or anything, but towards the end of the movie Tyler held my hand. We ended up making out for a little bit after the movie, but then I needed to kick him out since it was almost 1. I chatted with Karen for a little bit, watched TV, and then sat around and tried to fall asleep.

Sunday 3/28: I was planning on going to the beach, but I didn’t wake up until 11 and I got lazy and didn’t really move. I regretted not going afterwards. I just sat around, facebook chatted with Katy while she was at work, and thought about doing homework. I told Katy about Friday night, and I don’t really know how she took it. She said she’s okay with me doing that as long as I’m not doing it as a quick escape from everything or as a way to try and fix my problems. I was doing it as a quick escape and I had thought about doing it for a while. Then we got into it about how she thinks I’ve been unhappy lately and kind of just going through the motions with things. I have been going through the motions, but I’m not exactly unhappy. She told me to talk to her if it would make me feel better, and I told her it would and that I wanted to, but that I couldn’t. Then she told me that she thinks I might be depressed and that I should go to the counseling center. I’ve thought I might be depressed for years, but I’ve never thought about telling my doctor or going to the counseling center. I didn’t really know how to take that. I finally started doing homework and then went out to get real food for dinner since all I had eaten for the past two days was cereal. On my way down to the caf I ran into some Gamma Ghkkkkket people, so we ate, procrastinated, and then went to the library to do homework. I finished up a project for graphics, left them, and headed back to up to Towers around 10. I had asked Katy earlier if we could do something when she got back from work/I finished my homework, but she said she was going to go do homework with Madison. She didn’t. We didn’t do anything either.

Monday 3/29: We got our tests back in marketing. I got another C. We were supposed to stay and speak with the professor about our tests, but I left. I didn’t really feel like starting my week with him telling me he was disappointed in me again. I wasn’t necessarily tired when I got back to Towers, but I crashed anyway. I woke up in time for stats, but I could not focus at all. I’ve been having a really hard time focusing lately. I’m thinking about asking my doctor about Adderall the next time I have to go. I got out of stats early, so I got back to Towers when Katy got back, since her English class got out early too. I think she watched TV, but I just laid on my bed and listened to music for about 3 hours. Advertising went all the way until 10 and Katy was leaving to some KTD thing when I got back. I told her I was going to spend the evening in Payson and she said she was going to hang out with Madison after the KTD thing. I’ll get to spend time with her one day. But I was thinking, maybe I shouldn’t. She’s been so happy lately spending time with the freshies, KTD people, and Madison. Spending time with me will probably be a bummer. I miss spending time with her, but I don’t want to bring her down. On my way down to grab some dinner before going to Payson, I ran into Rachel Thor. I was supposed to room with her last year. She was in Gamma Ghkkkkket and we’ve been hanging out a lot since then. We ate and chatted about things for about an hour, which was really nice, and then we headed up to Payson. Payson let me down big time. Everyone and their mom was there, so I ended up in a crappy spot next to a group of girls working on Italian. And by Italian I mean they were talking about stripping and thinking of random ass baby names like Truth and Forest. And to top it off, there was vacuuming going on. Around 2 I realized I didn’t have one of the books I needed, so I went back up to Towers to get it. I figured I might as well get the book we needed to read for religion too since Katy wasn’t going to be reading it. I ended up finishing everything at 6:30.

Tuesday 3/30: I did not sleep enough. Katy and I both got up at 10. She needed to finish homework, but I didn’t have to do anything. I did, however, call and make an appointment with the counseling center. As soon as I pressed send, I regretted it. But maybe it won’t be so bad. I sat around until graphics and then went to religion. Katy and I were checking out emails like crazy so we could find out where we were assigned to live, so I found out while I was in graphics/facebook chatting with Katy. I don’t know how we didn’t end up with you and Mary. The first half of religion was whatever, and the second half we watched a movie. When we got back we exchanged messages with you and Mary and filled Fehlbaum in on what we knew, which wasn’t a whole lot. Katy I and cuddled on her bed and watched an episode of the Biggest Loser. When it was done, she went out and called Chris and I got ready for bed.